


Every Light On This Path Is For You

by Nanaki_Lioness



Series: Pathverse [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Emotional Relationship, M/M, Perfection Complex, Strained parental relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:24:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 51,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9114904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanaki_Lioness/pseuds/Nanaki_Lioness
Summary: AU, DeiItaDei, sequel. Itachi's desire to be less perfect for his new boyfriend isn't quite working out the way he planned it, despite Deidara's insistence that he needn't try so hard.





	1. The Art of Persuasion

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bringing the Pathverse series of fics over to AO3.
> 
> Alternative Universe DeiItaDei- this means it is set in our world, not Konoha, and is about the homosexual pairing of Itachi and Deidara with the dominant role primarily being Deidara's, but occasionally Itachi's.
> 
> Set in the UK. That's where I live, and it's easier to craft a realistic world when it's one I know.

Itachi was slowly hauled from the touches of sleep by a sound he was very sure shouldn't have been present unless it was December. Straining his hearing, he sat up slightly and attempted to see if he really _was_ listening to The First Noel and completely unsurprised to find that he was. He laid back down with a soft sigh, letting the sound permeate his mind- it wasn't unpleasant and it wasn't harmful, so why stress about it?

It had been a month since he and Deidara had tentatively entered a relationship together, and they had both settled into it rather well. There were still some issues but every new relationship was guilty of that and they were mostly minor. The only pressing one was that Deidara hated that Itachi wanted to keep their partnership a secret because he worried for his perfect image, and that it might get back to his father. Itachi would never admit the former of course, but they both knew it was true.

Listening to the music in the background, he could come up with no logical explanation for Deidara's current taste in music. Perhaps he just really liked Christmas carols? He knew to ignore that presumption- this was _Deidara_. He slipped out of the bed onto the cool carpeting, padding out into the hallway towards the living room. The melodic tones of Silent Night flitted through the air along with Deidara's soft singing voice, more in tune that Itachi had expected it to be as he pushed open the door.

The living room was _not_ very calm as the lyrics of Silent Night might have persuaded him into thinking, but it was very bright. Itachi felt like shielding his eyes as he glanced around his highly decorated living room.

"Good morning," Deidara waved, giving Itachi a grin. He was sitting on the floor by a tall Christmas tree, untangling a set of lights. The tree was bare but the brown box of ornaments sitting next to Deidara indicated it wouldn't be for much longer.

Itachi told himself that surprise at Deidara's actions was really getting old, simply shrugging and walking through the room and into the kitchen. He grabbed a glass of water and walked back through to the living room, sitting back at the table and fixing a curious gaze to his friend.

"Go on. Please explain to me what artistic venture you've embarked on this time," he asked evenly.

Deidara looked amused, getting up from the floor and brushing himself down. "None," he replied, finally instilling some surprise in Itachi. "I just like Christmas, yeah."

"Surely half the magic is waiting until it's _actually_ Christmas?"

"I should have put this up in September," Deidara protested. "You understand, right? You look confused, yeah."

Itachi raised a curious eyebrow at him. "Am I falling for a trick if I say I need you to explain?"

" _Commercialist_ Christmas begins in September," Deidara replied, nodding as he stated his fact proudly, turning back to the tree and leaving Itachi to finish his water and decide whether or not he should get a coffee or whether he should just go back to bed and try the day again. He decided on the latter, heading back towards the bedroom.

He had passed one foot through his doorway when Deidara called his name, causing him to pause and turn as the blond jumped up and dashed across to him.

"I missed you entering," he explained. "But I've got you this time, yeah."

He laced his fingers into Itachi's hair, pulling their lips together in a chaste kiss that was broken mere moments after it had begun. Itachi simply blinked in surprise, following Deidara's hand where it pointed upwards. Of course, a sprig of innocent looking mistletoe had been pinned above them, explaining their current situation.

"So this was your plan?" Itachi asked, a tiny smile on his lips.

"Plan? No, this is just a bonus."

Itachi's face fell. "So you want to keep the decorations up?"

"Of course! Don't tell me you hate Christmas, yeah."

"I don't, but I might be sick of it by the time it gets here if you don't dull these decorations down a bit."

"You have no Christmas spirit."

"I have plenty in December itself."

"I- oh never mind," Deidara sighed, reaching out to tangle his hands into Itachi's hair and pull them together in another, deeper kiss. Itachi instantly forgave him for everything, his owns hands creeping up into the other's hair as he felt himself being pulled slightly into the room and back up against the wall.

They were under a mutual agreement to take things slowly. Neither of them had been in a serious relationship before (or ever, in Itachi's case) and both of them agreed they respected each other far too much to push things. The idea of a messy breakup that would leave them both alone and not even friends frightened them both, so Itachi had to wonder why on earth Deidara's hand was roaming slowly down his back.

"What are you doing?" He breathed, pulling away from their kiss and halting the hand with his own.

"This," Deidara replied as he yanked his hand free from its restraint and wrapped it around Itachi's waist. A completely innocent act- Itachi mentally kicked himself for his hesitation.

The moment was gone, leaving Deidara to look slightly hurt as the soft tones of carols resonated around them, inappropriate already and even more so with the turn of atmosphere.

"What did you think?" He asked quietly, knowing the answer. Itachi gave him a guilty look, averting his eyes to the floor. "Trust me, yeah. I don't want to screw this up with you. I'm not going to make any moves you don't specifically ask me to."

"I know," Itachi sighed, tilting his head back to the wall and playing with a few strands of his loose hair. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"While we're on the subject, when are we going to be able to stop keeping this a secret? It's been a month, yeah."

"Sasuke knows."

"One person doesn't count."

"Deidara, we've been over this-"

"Yes, and every time you give me some stupid excuse. I'm _proud_ of this relationship and I don't care what anyone thinks, yeah. Why do you?"

Itachi finally met his eye. "You know why."

"If I were a girl, would you feel differently about everyone knowing?"

"No," Itachi told him firmly, shaking his head and surprising Deidara. "It's nothing to do with gender. I can't risk this getting back to my father, Deidara. He's always been of the impression that _any_ relationship is a waste of my time and I should steer clear."

"You realise the only person who is likely to ever speak to your parents other than yourself already knows?"

"Sasuke isn't malicious."

Deidara laughed shortly, his opinion apparently different, but he said nothing on the matter. "Who cares what he thinks, anyway? Didn't you say you were past needing his approval, yeah?"

Silence reigned, leaving Deidara to exhale heavily as he realised the problem immediately.

"Your complex is still tied to him, isn't it?" He sighed. "Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"I'm done with this conversation," Itachi muttered, pushing past Deidara in an attempt to slip from the room.

Usually Deidara let him run away- he hated to make his partner uncomfortable, and nor did he want to add to his worries. However, something made him reach out and grab Itachi's arm and pull him to a halt rather roughly.

"No running away," he near-pleaded. "You're twenty two- start acting like an adult, yeah."

The words were rough and heated, leaving Deidara to brace himself for a snappy response. It didn't come- Itachi simply blinked a few times, apparently unsure of how to answer the request.

"Sorry," Deidara uttered. "I didn't-"

"You're right," Itachi interrupted. "I shouldn't be running away and I shouldn't be hiding when I _am_ proud of you- of _us_."

"So you'll call your father?"

"No."

Deidara glared at him, pursuing his lips in distaste. "Didn't you _just_ say you would?"

"I just said I _shouldn't_ be running away," Itachi shrugged. "Not that I was willing to change it."

"You're a coward, yeah."

"I know. What else is new? Cowardice on my behalf was the very thing that kept us apart for months."

"Don't you see the problem with that?"

Deidara was left with only silence as a response, hearing the bedroom door close in the distance instead. He felt a wave of pity wash over him rather than anger or any other emotion- he would hate to live like Itachi, constantly having to make sure his outer-image to the world was perfect.

He stepped across the room and reached for the phone, scrolling through the built in phonebook. Itachi wasn't going to be very pleased with him, but sometimes you had to be cruel to be kind.

"Sasuke," he greeted when the number he speed dialled connected, his tone curt. Sometimes you had to swallow your pride and enlist the help of the enemy, too. "Can you come round? I need to talk to you about your brother, yeah."

-.-.-

Deidara was unimpressed when Sasuke finally _did_ show up- at nine that evening, long after the artist had given up hope that he would show at all. He and Itachi had spent the day dancing around each other until Itachi had decided to have an early night, leaving Deidara with his sketchbook on the sofa and the uneasy feeling that he should be sleeping on said sofa that night.

He gave Sasuke a weak smile as he opened the door, stepping aside to let him inside and refusing to wither under the harsh gaze he was currently being thrown. He was feeling bad enough as it was without the young Uchiha's additional harassment.

"This better be good," Sasuke warned.

"I need your help, yeah," Deidara explained, getting straight to the point and hoping he would get to explain himself before Itachi came to check what was going on. There was no way his partner was asleep, after all- the early night had clearly been an excuse.

"Is that so?"

"Don't say it like that! Look, your brother is driving me crazy with his refusal to go public with our relationship-"

"Am I supposed to blame him for that? I wouldn't want to be associated with you, either."

"You little prick! Just listen, would you? He says himself that he's acting like a coward and that he feels he should be able to just tell your father about us, yeah. I want to help him."

"Congratulations, then. I'm going home."

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke halted, two steps away from the front door. He exhaled irritably and turned to face his curious brother, who had finally ventured to the hallway.

"Your boyfriend is an idiot," Sasuke told him firmly. "And so are you. Why won't you tell Mum and Dad?"

Itachi sent a glare in Deidara's direction, causing the blond to back up into the living room and close the door quickly. Sasuke stepped back across the hall, lowering his voice so only Itachi could hear.

"It's about time we broke you of this complex," he declared before entering the living room as well, halting in the doorway and frowning at the decorations and the sound of carols.

"What the fuck happened here?" He asked bluntly.

"Deidara happened."

"You're standing under mistletoe," Deidara pointed out with a smirk on his face, causing Sasuke to rapidly step completely into the room so the blond didn't get any funny ideas. Itachi followed, eyes widening as Sasuke went straight for the telephone.

"Sasuke," he called warningly. "What are you doing?"

Deidara swiftly grabbed Itachi as he attempted to make his way over to his brother, keeping him from snatching the phone from Sasuke's hands. Itachi struggled for a moment until Sasuke's voice turned his blood cold.

"Oh hi Mum. Is Dad there?"

Sasuke smirked and held the phone out in the silence that followed the 'yes, I'll get him', Deidara letting Itachi go so he could take it. The elder Uchiha gave them both a scowl for their actions, but he snatched it and held it to his ear just in time to greet their father regardless.

"Hi Dad."

"Itachi? Your mother said it was Sasuke."

"She did?" Itachi struggled for a moment to try and cover his brother's intervention. "No, it was me," he finally settled with, before swiftly changing the subject. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, son. Is there a problem? You don't usually call."

"No, no problem."

Silence reigned as Itachi glared once more at his two companions, who wisely slipped out into the hallway to let him continue without diverting his attention.

"Do you think he'll tell him?" Deidara whispered to Sasuke as they listened up against the door, trying to make out Itachi's quiet tone.

"How would I know?" Sasuke replied curtly.

"Just making conversation," Deidara muttered, wondering which deity he'd managed to piss off at some point in life to warrant being stuck in the forced vicinity as the younger Uchiha.

Itachi's voice hitched to a much louder, almost shrill tone which caught both of their attention swiftly, clearly making out what was being said.

"No, you don't need-!"

Silence. Both of them tentatively stepped away from the door, which was just as well as Itachi flung it open moments later.

"They're coming _here_ ," he bit out, looking troubled. "How am I supposed to tell them face to face when I couldn't do it over the phone?"

"Why are they doing that?" Sasuke asked, his voice calm and reasonable against Itachi's more flustered tone.

"They think there's a problem," Itachi sighed. "Because I couldn't talk."

"Do you really care what they think anyway? Are you going to stop dating the idiot if they disapprove?"

"I am here, yeah."

"Unfortunately. Are they coming no- what the hell are you _doing_?"

Itachi halted in the process of pushing his brother down the hall to the front door. "Yes they're coming now and that means you're leaving."

Deidara snickered behind them as Itachi opened the front door and roughly shoved Sasuke out onto the porch step, instantly stopping when Itachi whirled around to face him.

"You too," he admonished, repeating the process until Deidara was also on the porch before slamming the door in their face.

Deidara and Sasuke exchanged the same simultaneous glance of horror at sharing the same space before they hammered on the door harshly in an attempt to change Itachi's mind.

"Don't you have a key?" Sasuke asked when they'd been knocking for close to thirty seconds.

"Not on me, yeah. Do you have a spare?"

"Only for his car, not his house," Sasuke replied wearily, giving up on the knocking when it became apparent nothing would change for doing so.

"Maybe he'll change his mind, yeah."

"Maybe he _won't_. He's barely even _sees_ them these days, so why does he care what they think?"

Deidara hesitated, finally beckoning for Sasuke to follow him up the garden path. Curiously, Sasuke did so, scowling when he realised they were heading for the large tree.

"You can't expect me to climb-"

"Get climbing right now, yeah."

"I don't do what you tell me."

"I want to talk to you about your brother," Deidara explained. "Get _climbing_."


	2. Wings

Sasuke was clearly not impressed at the idea of sharing a tree with his brother's idiot of a boyfriend, giving his best glare in response to the request to climb. Deidara matched it and simply pointed upwards before scaling the trunk himself, glancing down to see if he was being followed.

He was. He smirked and continued his ascent until he was sitting on a branch he had begun to get quite acquainted with over the time he'd known Itachi- it sat about a third of the way up and was thick enough that there was no danger of it collapsing.

"Itachi told me a little about how you guys were brought up," he said quietly when he realised Sasuke was glaring at him expectantly, looking uncomfortable as he sat on the branch at his side. "I know he needs to be perfect because of your father's..."

He trailed off, not wishing to sound rude. Sasuke had no qualms with that however, filling in the blank.

"Dad's way of raising him? I know, I get all that. He doesn't need that kind of approval anymore though, he hates talking to him."

"He hates talking to him because he pushes the perfection complex into overdrive, yeah. I've witnessed it. I don't think it's because he dislikes _him_."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow curiously, but didn't ask for an explanation. "So you're saying he cares because even though he pretends not to, there's still part of him that wants approval from Dad?"

"Maybe. It's a possibility, yeah. There's more to it than just being perfect for him because of an old habit."

"That's _ridiculous_ ," Sasuke sighed and no more was said. They sat in the tree in awkward silence, Deidara wondering whether if he _pushed_ the younger Uchiha if Itachi would be awfully mad at him or not. Probably, he mentally relented, keeping his hands to himself and his eyes on the road below them.

"They're coming now?" He asked, attempting to make conversation even though he knew the answer.

"Are you deaf? You heard him, you know they are."

"I'm just trying to fill the silence!"

"Don't bother. If I have to hear your voice for much longer I might just jump."

"I hope you break your neck, yeah."

"You'll be the one explaining to my brother why I'm dead in his garden."

"I- this is stupid! You aren't going to jump and I'm not going to need to explain anything, yeah."

"Are you _challenging_ me?"

"You'd actually do it? Are you stupid?"

"I believe you're talking about yourself."

Deidara huffed in annoyance, folding his arms and looking away. "You're so immature, yeah. I don't see how someone like Itachi is related to you."

More silence passed, both parties in the tree looking in opposite directions and sulking with enough negative force that Deidara was surprised a raincloud didn't form comically above their heads.

"Why didn't you take a gap year?" He asked rather rudely. "I have to put up with seeing you around college now as well, yeah."

The statement was a true one. Rather than take a year out, Sasuke had decided to head straight into college life much to Deidara's dismay. Itachi seemed to like the idea of seeing his brother around the small college from time to time, and didn't take kindly to Deidara's suggestion of walking the other way when they were about to encounter each other.

"That is absolutely none of your busin- wait, shush."

"I wasn't talk-"

Deidara found his words muffled by Sasuke's hand, glancing down to see two figures he assumed to be the Uchiha parents getting out of a car that had just parked outside the gate. One glimpse of their mother gave him that answer- it was obvious where the brothers had got their looks from, Sasuke especially.

"Say nothing," Sasuke told him, his voice barely audible despite his post right next to Deidara.

Deidara nodded as Sasuke pulled his hand away, both of them observing Fugaku and Mikoto getting out of the car and heading for the gate. Deidara thanked that he and Sasuke were both wearing dark clothes, feeling suddenly conscious of his blond hair reflecting sharply in the moonlight when Sasuke blended in nicely with his own dark hues.

Neither of the visitors noticed them, knocking the front door and waiting for Itachi to answer. He did so immediately, as though he had been waiting ready for their arrival (which both of them deduced he likely had).

Once they were all inside, Deidara turned back to Sasuke. He had his arms wrapped around himself, shivering slightly despite what appeared to be a phenomenal effort not to.

"Cold?" He asked, receiving a glare and silence as a response. Sighing, Deidara slipped his jumper off and handed it to the younger Uchiha. Sasuke gave him a glance that suggested he'd better take the item back quickly before he set it on fire somehow, but when the offer was not redrawn he finally took it.

"Thanks," he muttered begrudgingly, slipping the garment over his head gratefully.

"Sasuke," Deidara murmured quietly when they'd been sitting in silence for close to ten awkward minutes. "You know I care for your brother, right?"

"I know," Sasuke replied curtly, seemingly unwilling to engage conversation.

Deidara continued regardless, feeling he needed to speak. "I know you care for him too, yeah. Can we agree the most important thing here is his happiness?"

"I suppose. If you're trying to suggest that I like you, you can fuck off."

"Just be _civil_ ," Deidara suggested instead, ignoring the jibe.

"Over my dead body. Itachi will just have to accept you and I don't see eye to eye."

Deidara glared at him, folding his arms sulkily. "Fine. If you're not willing to be civil then neither am I."

With that he tugged on the jumper he had given over, ignoring Sasuke's yell of protest.

"Stop it you idiot! Are you trying to get me killed, I'll fall if you keep that up!"

With horrifically bad timing, the front door opened and Fugaku and Mikoto witnessed their youngest son tussling with a strange long haired blond in the tree.

"Sasuke!" Fugaku called, causing them both to halt in alarm. Deidara still had his hands on Sasuke in an attempt to grab the jumper, but from the Uchiha parents' distance it looked rather like an embrace...

A smile curled on Mikoto's face as she waved to them both. "Is that your girlfriend, Sasuke?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to correct his mother but Deidara smiled and tightened his arms around Sasuke, lips close to Sasuke's ear.

"Don't say a word," he muttered, smiling wider when Sasuke simply waved back shortly and forced a half-smile to his lips.

"You'll have to bring her over for dinner sometime!" Mikoto called as they walked down the garden path, giving Deidara a coy smile. "Hello young lady."

Deidara tightened his grip even more on Sasuke to halt the light snickering, but he kept his mouth closed and simply continued to smile. He risked a glance to Itachi, who had one hand on the doorframe rather like he was close to collapsing without it.

"Don't let her distract you, son," Fugaku remarked loudly- earning a scowl from Sasuke- before glancing over his shoulder at Itachi. "I'll be in contact."

Itachi didn't reply, closing his eyes and exhaling shakily. Both Deidara and Sasuke's smiles faltered just a little, keeping up their act until the Uchiha parents were safely inside their car and pulling out of the parking space onto the road.

"What did they say?" Sasuke asked as they walked briskly up the garden path, having descended the tree as quickly as they could. Neither of them brought up being locked out or what had transpired in the tree- the look on Itachi's face was a higher priority.

"They didn't disapprove," Itachi replied slowly, blinking a few times in apparent shock. "They seemed to care more about the sudden display of Christmas in my home, actually."

Sasuke frowned at that. "So why do you look so upset? What _did_ they say?"

"Nothing," Itachi replied, heading off down the hall. Both Sasuke and Deidara trailed him but he slammed the living room door in their faces, causing Deidara to yank it open and glare sternly at Itachi from the doorway.

"Stop with the attitude, yeah," he asked. "That's your brother's forte, not yours."

"Not right now," Sasuke muttered as he pushed past. "Save the fighting for later."

He padded across to the sofa where Itachi was sitting, looking rather numb. Seating himself as well, he attempted to earn his brother's gaze.

"They didn't disapprove," he attempted to reason quickly. "So what's the problem? It's not like they disowned you on the spot."

"They didn't _approve_ either," Itachi stressed. "Dad said he'd talk to me about it later then changed the subject. He didn't say _anything_ about it. He just stared at me."

"It's probably just a shock."

Itachi shook his head slowly, rising from the sofa almost as though he was in a trance.

"I'm going to bed," he murmured, pushing past Deidara without a word to slip out into the hall and towards the bedroom. Deidara attempted to grab his arm but Itachi pulled it free, leaving the artist to step into the living room instead.

He almost wished he hadn't, noticing the thoroughly crushed look on Sasuke's face. It was gone moments later, but it was enough to prompt him into sitting beside his boyfriend's younger sibling in an attempt to cheer him up.

"He'll be fine," he said quietly. "You tried at least."

"He's not going to sleep," Sasuke responded flatly, but the usual malice in his tone when addressing Deidara was gone. "He's such an idiot- and so are you, just so you know. What was that stunt you pulled in the tree all about?"

"I wasn't going to tell them who I was just yet," Deidara replied, recoiling at the thought. "I wanted to know what they said first, yeah."

A familiar smirk found its way to Sasuke's lips. "Young _lady_ , eh? It's an easy mistake to make I suppose."

"Not another word, Uchiha."

They stayed silent, Deidara eventually retrieving his sketchbook and settling at the table with it. Sasuke didn't speak any further, curling up on the sofa seemingly deep in thought. Deidara let him, glancing around about fifteen minutes later out of interest to see his eyes closed and his breathing even.

He smiled a little, fetching the blue blanket he had used for so long from the airing cupboard where Itachi optimistically put it back each morning. Laying it over Sasuke's shoulders, he slipped out and gently pushed open the bedroom door.

The room was dark, only moonlight flitting in underneath the curtains. There was enough illumination to see that Itachi was lying on the bed, facing the wall in the other direction.

"Itachi?"

"Hey Deidara."

The tone wasn't exactly welcoming, but it didn't scream that he should leave so Deidara padded over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He ventured a hand to Itachi's side, pleased when it wasn't turned away.

"I wish he'd just said _something_ to indicate how he felt," Itachi offered up by way of starting the conversation he knew was imminent. "When he says we'll talk about it another time, what am I supposed to say to that?"

"You say 'okay'," Deidara supplied gently. "It's probably a shock. Like Sasuke said, he didn't disown you on the spot or throw a temper about it- he just needs time to get used to it, yeah."

"I told you this before," Itachi murmured, shifting so he was sitting up. Deidara's hand fell away from his shoulder as he did so and moved to the cover instead, clutching it tightly as Itachi continued. "My father had always been under the impression a relationship would hinder me, so he always told me not to get caught up in one. How will he view me now? He'll think I'm not so perfect anymore."

"Your standard of work didn't slip in all the time we were chasing each other," Deidara pointed out with a shrug, restraining himself from pointing out that they were attempting to rid him of his perfection complex anyway.

"Yes, but when we were chasing each other if I said I was going to study, you usually said okay. Now you might prefer me to spend time with you, right?"

Deidara exhaled and rolled his eyes, a good natured look within them. "Itachi, I understand how important your academics are. If we only get even one night in a week to spend together then I'll be happy, yeah."

"And if we don't even get that?"

Deidara hesitated for just a second, and it was enough. Itachi fixed him with a resolute glance and sighed heavily, shaking his head.

"I don't need to study as hard as I do to stay doing well," he murmured softly. "The sensible thing would be to cut down on the studies and spend more time with you. I'm positive I can manage both effectively- however, there's a problem."

"The complex," Deidara continued flatly. "You _can't_ cut down on the studies because you think you're then destined to fail everything you touch."

"Exactly. I _did_ also say I'd try so the best thing for me to do would be to abandon some of my studying. Perhaps keep weekends study-free except Sunday night in preparation for Monday?"

"That sounds sensible."

Itachi nodded. "It does," he agreed. "But we both know I can't do that because that would be _simple_ and _normal_."

Deidara winced slightly at the bitter tone in his partner's voice, struggling with what to say in response that might make him feel better. "I accepted that change would be difficult when I came back," he finally settled on. "I didn't expect it to be overnight, yeah."

"But you did want change to happen at some point because without it, we're stuck in the same loop where I dedicate the vast majority of my time to work and not to you?"

The silence gave the answers Itachi needed.

"And if I don't change you're liable to walk away from this because otherwise it's just two guys who live together and don't ever really _see_ each other?"

"No!" Deidara cried immediately, shaking his head. "I'm not that shallow, yeah. I thought you were worth coming back for so here I am- I'm not about to start walking away because things aren't perfect."

Itachi chuckled darkly at that, averting his eyes to the floor. "Right," he murmured. " _Perfect_."

"Itachi, you need to go easy on yourself, yeah. It's difficult- I know tha-"

"Deidara," Itachi interrupted. "We're done talking about this. Where's Sasuke?"

As much as Deidara wanted to push the conversation, he relented and let Itachi change the subject instead. "Asleep on your sofa."

"Is that so?" Itachi sighed, slipping off of the bed. "I'm going to offer him a ride home. Do you want to come for the drive?"

"No," Deidara replied as Itachi headed for the door. "I should probably get on with some work myself, yeah."

Itachi gave no response other than the closing of the door, leaving Deidara to sit alone in the moonlight darkness of the bedroom. He did so without moving until he heard the front door close a few minutes later, finally rising to a stand and heading back to the living room. His black sketchbook was on the kitchen table and he snatched it up, curling up on the sofa with only a pencil in hand as he set it to the thick paper.

He was gifted with almost endless inspiration and a lot of positive energy, usually. However Deidara was rather pleased at that moment that Itachi was blind to art, because only another artist would be able to see the sadness that was currently radiating from the rough sketch of a dove already beginning to take shape. More importantly, a dove with a broken wing.

What felt like only minutes later Itachi returned, just as Deidara was scrawling the title for the quick sketch. As the living room door opened, he dotted the I in the word 'perfection' before snapping the book closed, ready to hide behind his smile and enthusiasm once more. The soft, naive smile he received in return from Itachi told him that he was really too good at such acts these days, leaving him to half hope Itachi would ask what he had been drawing so he didn't have to do so any more.

"Coming to bed?" Itachi asked quietly instead so Deidara rose, setting the book aside. Even if Itachi _did_ look at the sketch all he would see was a dove with a broken wing after all, the true message it portrayed lost somewhere between his eyes and his mind.


	3. Fight or Flight

"Oi, Itachi."

Itachi moaned irritably as he felt Deidara's fingers in his ribs for the third time that evening, jolting him from the nap he had been attempting to take on the other's shoulder.

"Are you that bored?" Deidara asked, amusement in his eyes as Itachi finally sat up and rubbed at his thankfully contact-free eyes. "You keep doing this to me, yeah."

Neither of them wanted to bring up the reason why Itachi was suddenly falling asleep early in the evening. Deidara felt his smile fade as he thought it over, aware Itachi was sacrificing his studying in the evenings to spend time with him- he had it in his head that Deidara wanted it, but in reality all Deidara wanted was for Itachi to learn how to moderate his time.

Itachi's latest scheme had been going on for a few days, ever since their discussion regarding time spent together. He'd taken to setting an alarm for two am and quietly slipping from the bed to study before Deidara awoke at five, following the loss of his usual evening work time. He had been attempting to keep it a secret, never bringing it up with Deidara and lying when he was asked how long he had been awake.

Little did he know Deidara always awoke to the hastily shut-off alarm anyway and simply pretended to be asleep to save the confrontation he knew would happen if he voiced his thoughts. He dropped back off quickly but when he awoke at five and found his partner still at his desk, feigning that he'd woken only five minutes or so beforehand, he'd felt a little upset.

Perfect Itachi he could handle. Attempting-to-be-imperfect Itachi who lied and jumped to ridiculous conclusions rather than discussing things like an adult... Deidara wasn't quite sure where he stood with that. The white lies were harmless and all designed for Itachi to keep face, but that didn't mean Deidara liked it.

Once again, he kept his mouth closed and didn't voice what was going on in his mind. Itachi was looking exhausted, but he was clearly trying so hard to make the effort to stay awake that Deidara took pity on him and rose from the sofa.

"Early night?" He suggested, beckoning to the living room door.

Itachi looked as though he might want to protest but his fatigue ruled him, leaving him to stand and follow Deidara through to the bedroom regardless.

Not a word had been said about Itachi's father since the man's visit a few days prior. Deidara had decided against bringing it up, not wanting to bring attention to it since Itachi himself seemed to be quite good at ignoring it. The man had said he would be in contact and they both sincerely hoped it would be some time soon. Itachi was the master of disguising how he really felt about the situation- as with all things- leaving Deidara wondering just what was going on in his boyfriend's mind, as usual.

He did know that Itachi attempting to survive on three hours of sleep a night wasn't particularly healthy, however. Itachi didn't function well on low amounts of sleep like Deidara himself did and predictably, he fell asleep almost the moment his head touched the pillow.

Deidara stayed curled with him just a little bit longer, making certain Itachi was in a deep enough sleep before he slipped from the bed and headed to the notes on the bedroom desk. His eyes caught sight of the wireless mouse, googly eyes still attached, and had to stifle a soft chuckle.

What had happened to those days? He sat at the desk, eyes falling to Itachi's notes in front of him. Deidara had felt free- the world was his canvas and Itachi was his reluctant friend, disapproving but rarely ever stopping him from doing anything because he longed to see the artist happy.

Somewhere along the way, Deidara felt as though his wings had been filled with lead, keeping him grounded and unable to express himself as he once used to. It was nothing to do with Itachi or their partnership- if Deidara allowed himself to think about it, it was _himself_ holding back. Why, though?

As his eyes scanned the papers in front of him, he got his answer. Itachi was a mess. As a person, he was kind and considerate with seemingly no cares in his perfect life but Deidara was now close enough to him to know better about the latter. Beneath the facade there was a broken young man, desperate for approval from the world around him and shaped by beliefs that were outdated. The more Deidara saw of the true Itachi the more he felt he had to guard him, so he had locked away his more childish, artistic side in an attempt to become a protector.

That protector in him wanted to take Itachi's notes and burn them to stop him from getting up to study with them, exam be damned, but that wasn't sensible and nor was it moral. Nothing was wrong with sketching on them, though. He grinned and picked up the stray pen on the desk, drawing cartoon cats and mice on the important looking page. Mice, he realised once he had drawn one, that looked suspiciously like a computer mouse with a familiar set of googly eyes.

-.-.-

By the time he got into the bed, Deidara was satisfied with his work. He hadn't obscured any of the neat script handwriting on the page but there was barely a margin left untouched by his flair. It had felt good- _really_ good, and made him feel a little bit like he was regaining his wings.

It also meant he slept through the two am alarm that buzzed thirty minutes later, leaving him to awaken naturally at his usual five to an empty bed.

"Itachi," he called softly to alert his partner. Itachi was sitting at his desk, glasses in place and desk lamp on as he wrote notes. "You've got to stop doing this."

"Doing what?" Itachi asked, his pen still gliding scratchily across the paper swiftly.

"Don't act innocent, yeah. I'm a light sleeper- I know you've been getting up early to study."

"Not much earlier," Itachi attempted to argue, but Deidara simply glared at his back firmly and refused to argue the lie. Itachi appeared to sense it and sighed, putting down the pen to spin around and face his partner with the truth. "I have an exam the day after tomorrow," he admitted. "I need to study but I like how we spend our evenings- this is a compromise."

"If you had just _told_ me that I'd have understood why you wanted to study more," Deidara reasoned. "Please stop- you look exhausted."

Reluctantly, Itachi rose from the desk and closed the book he had been reading from. "Fine," he murmured softly, returning to the bed and crawling under the cover. Deidara laid back down and curled up into his side, sighing heavily as he did so.

"You want some more sleep?"

"I shouldn't. I won't be alert for college otherwise."

Deidara chuckled at that, giving him a squeeze. "Do you even remember the days where you used to complain about me getting you up at five?" He asked rhetorically. "Now you _have_ to do so?"

"You influence me," Itachi shrugged. "Maybe another half hour wouldn't hurt. What on earth did you do to my notes, anyway? Did you lose your sketchbook or something?"

Deidara laughed at that, smiling widely. "I was inspired, yeah. Did you like them?"

"I did," Itachi replied, his voice soft and content. "Thank you. I needed the laugh. Was there supposed to be a message behind it?"

"No. They were just doodles."

"I thought there was," Itachi told him, his voice taking on a wistful edge. "It seemed like you were referencing how we got here in the first place. You know, playing cat and mouse with each other."

Deidara had to suppress a huge, knowing grin. That had been the message he _had_ been trying to convey despite his words, and he clung to the hope Itachi would see into it even deeper and realise what the art was calling him to remember.

Deidara had loved Itachi when all of their contact came from inadvertent touches or stolen moments. He loved him even when they slept in separate rooms. He definitely loved him when he was accidently imperfect. They had come a long way to get to where they were, and Deidara had no intentions of walking away from the relationship because they were taking time to mesh well together.

However, he realised he had been too hopeful when Itachi didn't elaborate any further, eyes closed as his breathing began to even out sleepily.

"I'll wake you and make sure you aren't late, yeah," he reassured softly.

"What if you fall asleep?" Itachi murmured, tightening his grip on Deidara.

"I won't."

"You might."

Deidara untangled himself from Itachi and got out of the bed, ignoring the frown he received for doing so. "Now I can't," he admonished. "I'll come and wake you soon, yeah."

He didn't feel bad about his decision to leave when Itachi nodded and turned over to make himself more comfortable, slipping from the room quietly to let him have peace. He also didn't feel bad in the slightest when he 'forgot' to wake him the desired half an hour later, opting to give him much longer than that instead. As Itachi ran around frantically at eight fifteen attempting to get ready on time, Deidara simply observed with a tiny smile of satisfaction on his face.

-.-.-

The satisfaction didn't last very long. Just under twenty four hours later he was roused by the alarm clock at their side, the disappointing display reading two am once again. Itachi didn't even stir to it- a sure sign of heavy fatigue.

Deidara wished he wasn't so perceptive sometimes, sighing as he reached out and reset it for five am. He had easily picked up on the subtle signs that his now-boyfriend had held a soft spot for him for the better part of a year for example, so it was no surprise he picked up on the less-than-subtle signs of Itachi attempting to do more than he was capable of now.

"You know you can't change overnight, don't you?" He murmured softly into Itachi's ear, voicing his thoughts. The other was unable to hear thanks to his peaceful slumber, but that was exactly how Deidara wanted it.

Once again, he cursed his own observance. He'd been watching Itachi work that evening under the guise of sketching while sitting on the bed behind him- it hadn't taken much convincing to tell Itachi study that evening since the exam was the next day, but Deidara was becoming convinced it didn't matter either way. Itachi was far too prideful to admit it, but Deidara could see he was struggling with something- either the work or his own concentration on it, and he had a suspicion it was the latter.

Of course, he was condemned into silence yet again. He had finally tried to bring it up and had been shot down rapidly, the look in Itachi's eye asking him not to speak of it anymore. Deidara respected his boyfriend and had honoured the unspoken request, but that didn't mean he agreed. _Something_ wasn't right with his boyfriend, and they both were acutely aware of what that something was- even if they didn't discuss it.

The puzzle was a clear one to solve in Deidara's talented mind. Itachi cared more about his father's opinion than he let on, and was unable to concentrate for thinking about it. Obvious, yet impossible to approach- the worst kind of problem. He sighed and curled his arms around Itachi tighter, burying his face in his side.

If he didn't do _something_ , Itachi would give himself a whole host of new problems in his bid to rid himself of his complex. Unfortunately, no answers presented themselves to him as he fell into a troubled sleep, wondering on the edge of his consciousness if the answers would come to him in a dream.

-.-.-

When he awoke to the alarm he had reset a couple of hours later he was disappointed to learn that he had dreamt of nothing at all, and that Itachi had snuck out of bed at some point. He caught the guilty glance Itachi gave him over his shoulder but they both stayed quiet, the silence doing the talking for them. It was a unanimous 'I'm sorry', though for differing reasons. 'I'm sorry I can't help you'. 'I'm sorry it has to be this way'.

"Don't you care?" Deidara found himself saying before he could stop himself. Itachi narrowed his eyes in confusion, spinning around to face him. "Don't you _care_?" He stressed again, desperation lacing his voice.

"What are you talking about?"

Deidara gave no response, leaving the room instead. He didn't want to ask the question in the first place, let alone elaborate on it. He knew Itachi cared about their relationship and he knew he cared about his studies, but what Deidara really wanted to know was if Itachi bothered to leave some space to care for his own health and welfare amongst all of that. Instead of resting before his exam he had once again slipped out of the bed to study, discontent with using his whole evening to do so already. _Did_ he care about himself?

So far the answer was 'no', which was troubling for the artist who felt that to love others, one had to love themselves first. He drowned the thought under the shower instead, unwilling to think it, feel it, _anything_. Itachi had spent months burying _his_ head in the metaphorical sand, and Deidara had no qualms with attempting a little of it himself.

Things were going to be okay, he decided. Even if just inside his mind for now, things were going to be just fine. Itachi would take the exam, score 100% as he always did, and things would hopefully revert back to a sense of normality. No, he corrected- _not_ hopefully. They would, and he would see to it personally if it was within his power to do so.

-.-.-

Itachi had instructed Deidara to make his own way home that day- his exam was going to run over normal college hours, which was a common issue. Deidara had shrugged and caught the oddly punctual bus instead, humming to himself as he fixed up something to eat and a coffee. He had grown a surprising taste for the latter in his time with Itachi around, just like Itachi had grown to like the googly eyes that randomly appeared on objects around the home.

With that thought in mind, he procured some of the aforementioned eyes and glanced around for a new target, finally settling on Itachi's clock in the bedroom. Nodding in satisfaction at his handiwork, he took in the time it read and frowned slightly. It was approaching five already- surely Itachi would be home soon?

By the time six thirty rolled around, Deidara was panicking.

Itachi hated distractions, and therefore would under no circumstances divert anywhere on the way home without planned reason to do so. A quick check of the fridge and cupboards told Deidara they weren't in need of any groceries and even if they were, Itachi would have said he was going to stop at the store on the way back. He would have said if he was going _anywhere_ but straight home, because this was Uchiha Itachi- predictable in his perfect routines.

Deidara tentatively pulled his mobile phone from his pocket, frowning at it as he attempted to navigate the menu on it. Money had been tight when he'd lived with his mother and even tighter when he'd lived alone, so unlike most people his age he'd never owned one before. Itachi had insisted he wanted to rectify that when Deidara had agreed to their relationship, doing so with what Deidara thought was possibly the smallest and most complex mobile phone in the world.

He eventually found the text message function, swearing at the phone when he realised it was predicting his text and would almost definitely _not_ predict the name 'Itachi' when he attempted to type it. He had no idea how to turn it off so he settled for a simple 'where are you', watching the flashing envelope on the screen as it shot the message off into the atmosphere.

Deidara wasn't normally stressed by time so he waited without complaint for the message to be picked up and replied to. While patience wasn't exactly his virtue, he wasn't impatient either and was often the one to keep people waiting himself. Something, he noted with a small frown, that Itachi had managed to force out of him by being the only one that could drive and Deidara's now-usual ride to places. Itachi liked to be punctual to the point he felt he was late if he wasn't early- another reason that caused panic to rise up within Deidara once more regarding his disappearance.

The message went still went answered. All pretences of patience shattered, Deidara found himself dialling the number instead, counting the rings that assaulted his ear. Once it reached six he found himself biting his lip in frustration- six was more than enough for it to be pulled from his partner's pocket and answered, right?

Upon the ninth ring it connected, getting Deidara's hopes up for just a second until he realised it was the answer phone greeting him.

' _You've reached Itachi. Leave your name so I can call you back.'_

Deidara rolled his eyes at the generic message. Trust his partner to have the most boring answer phone message known to man. He had a simple ring tone on his phone as well and he hadn't been impressed at Deidara's attempt to 'spice it up' a little- quite literally, in fact. Apparently Itachi didn't _like_ the Spice Girls- who'd have known? Deidara certainly did now.

"Itachi, where are you?" He asked the answer phone before hanging up with a long, heavy sigh. He flipped the phone over in his hands for a minute or so before deciding to call again just in case Itachi hadn't heard it the first time.

This time, it connected directly to the answer phone. It was almost as though it had been switched off...

Time for Plan B. Deidara hadn't wanted to go down this route but when the other ones had failed him, he felt he had no choice. He swept quickly through the house phone's phonebook and selected a familiar name, hoping he would get a response from _this_ Uchiha at least.

"Sasuke," he greeted sharply. "Your brother is missing."

"Missing?" Sasuke echoed, any teasing comment he may have had about Deidara calling him staying in his mind and not on his lips with the news.

"He had an exam today, yeah. He hasn't come home and he should have been back at least an hour ago."

Sasuke sighed heavily, and Deidara could almost _see_ him rolling his eyes. "Leave it with me," he declared before hanging up, leaving Deidara to listen to the dial tone on the other end. He slowly set the phone down and took up residence on the windowsill overlooking the garden, waiting.

Something wasn't right. As much as he tried to ignore it, he just knew it.


	4. Keep Trying

Clicking the front door closed behind him a number of streets away, Sasuke also knew something was amiss. He wasn't going to admit it to Deidara because quite frankly, he didn't want to talk to him- he wanted to go and fetch his brother, not make small talk with the idiot. He had no idea what had transpired over the last few days but he had no need to. He was blessed with knowing his brother well, and he had one place to check before he started to worry about the disappearance. Until then he thrust his hands into his coat pockets and waited patiently for a bus at the end of his street.

Once aboard, he attempted to dial Itachi's mobile and was unsurprised to find it switched off. It only cemented his decision that he would know where to find his brother, and despite Deidara's concerns it wasn't going to be anything sinister.

He scowled with disdain as he jumped off the bus at his stop twenty minutes or so away, the cold chill in the air taking his breath away. It was a coastal town- beautiful and the star of many postcards for the local area, it was somewhere Itachi had taken him to when they had been younger. He had fond memories of being eleven or twelve, happy to be in the company of his elder teenage brother who didn't mind spending time with him despite the age difference.

His footsteps were audible as he walked along the sodden pavement, ears picking up the sound of an arcade jingle as he turned a corner and headed down a hill. With it came the vision of sea, spreading out before him- vast and choppy, with sudden harsh winds to accompany it, had Sasuke pulling his coat tighter around himself and burying his hands deeply into his pockets. It wasn't a pleasant day in the slightest and the coastal town was taking its usual battering with the nasty weather. Such was the folly of seaside towns, Sasuke lamented to himself with a tiny, nostalgic smile. They had experienced how different coastal weather was many times, having been caught out in it before.

He reached the seafront, the sound of the machines inside the arcades nearby attempting to lure him inside with melodic jingles and happy catchphrases. This time he ignored them, along with the ice cream store on the corner Itachi always bought from. He wasn't here for recreation today.

The pier stretched ahead of him and he crossed the empty road- the place was deserted, partly to do with the weather and also because most of the town's younger generations congregated at the other end where all the _interesting_ arcade machines and restaurants were. The end Sasuke was at was considered the less desirable side to be at in the evenings to teenagers in flashy cars, but alive with children and families in the day.

Sasuke had known even at his young age that Itachi liked to bring him here because he too loved it. He and his brother both cherished the presence of the sea and as a result, tended to gravitate to it when upset about something. Sasuke hadn't known that originally- it was only when he had come to this exact same pier that he was currently treading, attempting to retreat from the woes of life, and discovered his brother in his own usual spot had he realised they'd had the same idea.

He was unsurprised to see a lone figure at the edge of the pier, walking slowly across the wooden planks as though the person had no care for how drenched they were. Picking up the pace, Sasuke found himself half-walking half-jogging in the person's direction, hoping he hadn't been out in the rain for _too_ long.

He stopped by his brother's side, not looking at him nor saying a single word. Itachi halted for a moment before continuing his walk, one hand outstretched to catch the rainfall. His cheeks were drenched with rainwater or tears- perhaps both, Sasuke mused as he caught back up to his side, seeing the melancholy look on his face. He was shivering so violently Sasuke shrugged his own coat from his shoulders, forcefully pushing it in Itachi's direction. Itachi stared at it for a long moment, halting once more- they were at the end of the pier now, after all.

"How did you know I would be here?" Itachi eventually asked as he slipped the extra coat over his shoulders without complaint. Sasuke frowned slightly- normally Itachi wouldn't have taken it from him, adamant that Sasuke himself needed it. He edged closer to his brother until he was standing directly up against his side, wrapping an arm around his waist to discover he was shaking with cold.

"You always used to come here when something's getting to you," he murmured, wishing to transfuse his own meagre heat into Itachi. "It's been a while since you pulled a vanishing act to do so, though."

"Deidara called you?"

"He's worried."

Itachi turned to face the sea ahead of them instead, exhaling heavily and closing his eyes as he spoke. "I think I failed my exam today."

"So? You can re-sit it."

"You don't understand-"

"No," Sasuke interrupted. "I understand. Failing it ruins your perfect track record- who cares? You're not supposed to be caring about that anymore."

"I can't turn it on and off like a switch, Sasuke."

"You're trying to, though. What makes you think you failed? Knowing you, you're stressing over one question that might have knocked you down to 98%."

"No," Itachi shook his head firmly. "I'm not being paranoid. If I can manage to pass an exam I spent half of the time I was present for staring out of the window, I'll be impressed."

"You probably can. This is you, remember?"

"Yes," Itachi snapped back sharply. "Perfect, infallible Itachi. I'm acutely aware of my legacy, Sasuke, but I don't think I'm going to be living up to it this time."

"There's more isn't there?" Sasuke asked slowly, taking in Itachi's edgy composure and apparent assurance he had done terribly. "What happened?"

Itachi's eyes flickered for a moment, confirming Sasuke's theory. "I arrived late," he whispered, resting his head on Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke let him, tightening his grasp around him a little. The gesture was a clear call for comfort, and he was willing to give it. "I was an hour late, in fact," Itachi continued, his voice a murmur. "I fell asleep in the library. I'm lucky they even let me sit the exam at all- I told them my watch was an hour out and because I've always had good conduct, they believed me. They weren't allowed to award me any extra time though."

"How long was the exam in total?"

"An hour and a half. It would have been alright if I'd been able to _concentrate_ , I might have caught up enough but I couldn't. I've barely stopped thinking about Dad, Sasuke- I need to know what he thinks but he just isn't calling me to say."

"I hate to break it to you, but if he wants to avoid the subject he'll never call."

"I know. That makes it worse."

Sasuke sighed, pursuing his lips at what he was about to have to say. "Look," he remarked quietly. "Deidara really likes you. He's sitting at _your_ shared home right now, panicking about you. If you asked him he would tell you he doesn't give a fuck about the exam, right?"

Itachi looked a little guilty, closing his eyes instead of replying.

"He would also stay with you if you wanted him there, approval from Dad or not," Sasuke continued. "And if you asked him to leave, he would. He _did_ when you told him to once already! Honestly, which do you want, Itachi? Dad's approval or your boyfriend?"

"Deidara," Itachi answered immediately.

"Right. So why do you care what Dad thinks of you?"

"It's complicated," Itachi finally settled on saying, when the only answers he could give were unreasonable.

Sasuke didn't push the issue, wincing as a cold chill circled them. Itachi was still shivering beneath the borrowed coat, leaving Sasuke to attempt to do something beneficial for them both.

"Did you drive here?"

"Yes."

"Then let's get in the car, please? It's absolutely _freezing_ out here."

Itachi gave him the barest of smiles and pulled the borrowed coat off of his shoulders, handing it back to Sasuke. Sasuke hesitated but Itachi's firm glance told him that the kind gesture had now outworn its welcome, leaving him to slip it gladly back over his shoulders.

"Bet you don't want ice cream from that shop today," Sasuke challenged as they walked the length of the pier back towards civilisation, attempting to keep the tone good natured. Itachi accepted what he was doing and indulged the conversation.

"Mind if I get a coffee before we leave?"

"If you want."

"Thanks," Itachi remarked dismally, shoving his numb hands into the pockets of his jeans. He was drenched by the fine mist of rain that was currently assaulting them- the heavier rain had died off a little, but they would both agree misty rain was a thousand times worse anyway.

Once they had crossed the street, they entered the arcade that the ice cream store was a part of. The outside counter was closed but the inner one was open and, thankfully, serving coffee.

"If we're going to stay out any longer you should warn Deidara where you are," Sasuke suggested gently.

"Since when did you care how he feels?" Itachi asked, raising an amused eyebrow as Sasuke sulked in response. Regardless he took the hint, pulling his phone from his pocket to put his partner out of his misery.

Deidara's panicked voice answered the phone and he felt instantly sorry for not thinking to warn him what he had been doing. "Deidara, it's me. I'm fine."

Deidara didn't reply for a moment before finally, Itachi heard him sigh in relief. "I was worried, yeah. Where are you?"

"I'm coming home shortly," Itachi promised, sidestepping the question. "I have Sasuke with me."

"Sasuke? He found you?"

"He had a feeling for where I would be."

"And he didn't _tell_ me? That little brat, I'm going to kill him!"

Itachi smiled at that, eyes shooting across to his brother. Sasuke had his eye on the arcade behind them, apparently enthralled by either a nostalgic thought or something in his line of sight.

"See you soon, Deidara," he murmured before hanging up, eyes still on Sasuke.

"I didn't tell him because I wanted this to be our private place," Sasuke volunteered after a moment or so of silence, his sharp hearing apparently having picked up Deidara's tinny threat. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise. I shouldn't have done it anyway."

"Itachi?" Sasuke uttered softly when they'd been standing in silence for another few long moments, his eyes still on the arcade. "Can we come back here sometime? Like when we were younger?"

Itachi smiled at that, reaching across and giving Sasuke a rare embrace with a soft chuckle.

"Of course," he replied when he let go, flicking his brother's forehead affectionately. "Just name a time and date."

"Whenever. You can bring the idiot too, if you want."

"Didn't you just say you wanted this place to be our private spot?"

"I meant the pier when we're..." Sasuke trailed off, exhaling air in such a manner it disturbed his bangs instead of completing his sentence.

"When we need space or somewhere to go and think?" Itachi finished instead, unsurprised at the positive nod he received in reply. "We don't need to tell him that. For now though, why do you go and do something fun? I'll need to wait for my coffee to cool down anyway."

He held out a note, seeing Sasuke's eyes light up. He didn't hesitate in taking it, giving his elder sibling a tiny smile before vanishing into the sounds and sights of the arcade ahead of him. Itachi watched him go before sighing heavily and making his way back to the counter deep in thought.

Being perfect wasn't enough. Being _im_ perfect wasn't enough. The cliché answer that he should just be himself and stop trying so hard flitted to mind, but he dismissed it- how could he be himself when he didn't know who 'himself' was anymore?

With a drink in hand a few minutes later, he went to find Sasuke. He was, predictably, brandishing a gun and shooting zombies on a large screen with remarkable accuracy- he was always attracted to the gun games, much to their parents' dismay. He acknowledged Itachi with a quick nod before returning his attention to the game, leaving Itachi to simply stand by and watch.

Sasuke was equally perfect most of the time, Itachi noted to himself. Why couldn't he simply accept that in himself? Most of the time was perfectly reasonable, after all. He watched as Sasuke cursed lightly when one of his shots went astray, picking it back up perfectly on the next one and continuing flawlessly. Technically Sasuke was _more_ perfect than he, because he could balance both ends of the scale so well.

Itachi had no idea that he'd ever feel quite so humbled by watching someone kill zombies in a game.

"How do you do it?" He murmured quietly, his voice barely audible over the sound of gunshots.

"You shoot the zombies," Sasuke replied flatly, misinterpreting the question. "And they die. It's pretty simple."

Itachi didn't elaborate, setting his drink down and slipping a coin into the other side of the machine. He'd never played such games before, but that was the entire point of the exercise. Contrary to popular belief, perfection in all fields rarely came easily to each person and one thing Itachi had never quite grasped was right in front of him.

Aim, point, shoot. Simple, right?

Sasuke didn't batter an eyelid at his entry to the game, telling him to cover left while he went right as though they had been playing together all along. Itachi took his first shot and, despite his lack of experience, landed it perfectly. He blinked in surprise- that was unexpected.

Together they completed the level, Sasuke turning to Itachi and raising a suspicious eyebrow. "Do you have to be naturally perfect at everything?"

"I didn't think I would be," Itachi admitted, lowering his gun and frowning in confusion. "I was hoping I _wouldn't_ be, actually."

"Why?"

"If I screw up enough times maybe my mind will accept that I need to be more normal."

Sasuke slid the gun he was holding back into the holder and ignored the still running game with a small smile. He beckoned to Itachi, who did the same and followed Sasuke further into the arcade, sipping his now-warm coffee.

"You want to suck at something, right?"

"That's the short way of putting it."

"There."

Sasuke pointed to a machine ahead of them, music blaring from the overheard speakers and a happy voice declaring that they should 'come and play!'

Itachi recoiled, taking a step backwards in what Sasuke could only describe as horror. "No," he remarked firmly. "No dance games."

"You'll definitely suck at it! Give it a try."

"Absolutely not! There are _people-_ "

Sasuke began to push him towards the machine, surprisingly strong against Itachi's resistance struggling.

"No! _Sasuke_!"

"Just go and make a fool of yourself so you can fix whatever's wonky in your brain," Sasuke demanded, succeeding in shoving Itachi up onto the elevated dance platform and snatching the coffee in his hands. "Then we can go home before your boyfriend calls the police and organises a search party."

"That's true. We should go home, I _did_ tell him I'd be back soon."

"Nice try, but you're the one that abandoned him. Play the game."

Sasuke was aware Itachi must have _really_ wanted to sort himself out, because normally he'd have been halfway to the door if something threatened his perfect persona. However he was reluctantly scrolling through the list of available songs, nervously glancing over his shoulder at the uninterested people around them. It wasn't crowded- a handful of people at the most, in fact, and none of them seemed to be taking any notice of him.

Thirty seconds later, Sasuke was a mixture of proud and confused. Itachi was, predictably, terrible at the game but he was _trying_ and that was what counted.

"You've come so far," Sasuke murmured as he snapped a couple of photos on his phone. "You don't even realise it, do you?"

Itachi was going to kill him for taking photos of the venture, but Sasuke felt Deidara needed proof of what had transpired. He may not feel very strongly for his brother's choice of partner but when it came to Itachi's happiness, Sasuke would do anything within his power to assure it. As much as he hated to admit it, he and Deidara were on the same side and agreed on that much at least.

-.-.-

Deidara jumped off the windowsill as soon as he saw Itachi and Sasuke at the front gate. Both of them were suffering from the pitfalls of the weather- slightly frizzy hair and visibly damp clothing. Deidara smiled just a little as Sasuke irritably ran a hand through his locks, the style slightly beaten out of it.

Itachi would normally have done something about _his_ hair, too. He looked pretty cute as he brushed a hand through his ponytail with a soft sigh, leaving the messy hair as it was instead of fixing it. The rain had only started up with the last hour and hadn't been that bad from where Deidara had observed on the windowsill, but wherever the two brothers had been seemed to have been much stormier.

"You're soaked," he remarked when he opened the front door for them, smiling as Itachi lowered the key he had been about to put into the lock. "Get inside, come on."

"I'm sorry," Itachi told him, immediately pulling Deidara into a tight hug coupled with a guilty kiss. "I should have called. I just needed some space to think, that's all."

"What's done is done, yeah. Don't worry about it- go and get changed, you'll catch a cold otherwise."

Itachi did as suggested, leaving Deidara alone in the hallway with Sasuke. The younger Uchiha didn't seem to be as wet as Itachi, but his shirt underneath the open coat he was wearing was, strangely, the dampest thing he seemed to be wearing.

There was only about an inch or so between them in height and they shared a similar build. Deidara sighed before pulling his jumper off, tossing it in Sasuke's direction. He had a t-shirt on underneath- he was warm enough and could do without the extra layer.

Surprisingly, Sasuke didn't give a snarky response to the unspoken gesture. He caught the item deftly, nodding a thank you before reaching into his pocket for something. Deidara frowned as he pulled out his mobile and flicked through it for something. He found it, holding out a photograph for Deidara to see with a smirk on his face.

Deidara took the phone in question as Sasuke quickly stripped his top, slipping the proffered jumper over his head. On the screen was a photograph of Itachi, attempting to play a familiar looking dance game that had taken the world by storm a few years beforehand.

Deidara blinked a few times in disbelief. The picture didn't change.

"What the hell?" He finally articulated.

"Itachi is trying," Sasuke replied, taking his phone back. "You're not putting any pressure on him, are you?"

"No, of course not!"

"It wasn't an accusation," Sasuke clarified. "It was a genuine question. He hasn't got a clue what he's doing and he's more messed up than I've seen in years, but that's because it's the first time he'd ever had a real reason to care about anything but being perfect."

"If he could be perfect and still be happy I wouldn't mind," Deidara said quietly. "But he can't be."

"My brother has been unhappy for a long time," Sasuke admitted. "But he's happier now he's with you." He put a hand to his forehead, looking troubled. "You know how hard that is for me to admit? You'd better not hurt him, you hear me? I _will_ kill you."

"I have no intention of doing so, yeah. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to snap something sharp in response, but Itachi's reappearance at the end of the hall silenced him. He turned, giving Itachi a short wave instead.

"I'm going home," he declared.

"You should have said- I'd have given you a lift on the way."

"I had something to do here," Sasuke replied with a shrug, eyes flicking across to Deidara. Deidara caught it, meeting his eye with a chuckle. Itachi frowned and looked between them, confused.

"Return the top next time you visit," Deidara told him as Sasuke opened the front door.

"Sure, whatever. Later Blondie."

"Bye, Uchiha."

The door closed and Deidara turned to Itachi, who was smiling about something.

"I'm glad you're getting on with each other better," he noted before heading for the living room. Deidara shook his head indignantly, following swiftly.

"I hate him, yeah! I'm just being nice for your sake!"

"Of course you are."

Once they were together on the sofa, Itachi lying with his head in Deidara's lap tiredly and the artist running a hand through his still messy hair, Deidara spoke up.

"What did you need to think about?"

He felt Itachi stiffen, regretting the question immediately. However he _did_ receive an answer- it wasn't a useful one, nor was it informative, but it was an answer in the very least.

"I'll tell you if it becomes relevant."

Deidara nodded, not wishing to disturb the gentle ambience between them by pushing the matter. Later was better than never, right?


	5. Take The Good With The Bad

Itachi awoke to the alarm on his googly-eyed clock to find the day was starting in reverse to the last few days- for once he was alone in the bed, and he felt a sudden pang of guilt once more for how lonely it was without his partner beside him. He shook it free and forced himself up, reminding himself only a month ago he'd woken up alone every morning of his life.

He expected that Deidara was off getting breakfast, so when he pushed open the living room door to darkness he frowned in confusion. The curtains were still drawn, only a tiny bit of dusky sunrise flitting through around the edges, leaving him to reach for the light switch.

The strike of a match halted him, the room lighting up in firelight from over by the table. Itachi's eyes moved to it, watching in the flickering illumination as Deidara lit two candles and softly blew the match in his hand out.

Itachi, being the organised person he was, kept candles under the sink in case of a power cut. There was no other reason he could see for such an action, so his logical mind concluded that must have been what had happened.

"Is the power out?" He asked sleepily, rubbing at his eyes and blinking a couple of times to try and bring things more into focus.

Deidara exhaled lengthily before beckoning with one hand. "That's so naive it's actually cute, yeah. Come over here."

Itachi did as asked to see the table had been set, pancakes awaiting him along with a freshly made coffee. Realisation dawned on him and he glanced up with widened, soft eyes.

"You...?"

"It's called a romantic gesture," Deidara filled in as he sat down in front of his own plate.

"But why?" Itachi asked when he was also seated, confused. The night before he'd left his boyfriend to panic because he had the selfish desire to vanish for a while from the world. This morning, he was greeted with such sweetness that he didn't even realise the artist possessed?

"Because I'm pretty fond of you," Deidara responded with a smile. "When you went missing last night I was thinking to myself that we hadn't had a proper date or anything, yeah. I wanted to change that. I know it's not that fancy, but-"

Itachi silenced him with a finger to his lips across the table, gently cupping one hand to his cheek. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, yeah. Food's getting cold."

Itachi took the hint, feeling just a little awkward as they shared the meal together. He had never experienced anything like this before thanks to his lack of relationships, and there was a tiny part of his mind that screamed at him that his father would likely disapprove. Likely _was_ disapproving of the whole thing, in fact.

The candles in front of them flickered and twisted, casting shadows to the walls in beautiful patterns that were impossible to recreate artificially. He cast his eyes to them and the candles instead, watching the flames dance and wondering if he was still asleep and dreaming.

"I'm really sorry," he murmured. "I'm trying to be the person you want, but it's hard."

"I want you to be _you_ ," Deidara told him firmly. "The only reason I complained about your complex is because it rules you, yeah. It was more important than anything and that isn't a healthy start for a relationship. I care about who you are underneath all that more than anything."

"I don't know who I am anymore, Deidara," Itachi admitted, a touch of shame in his voice. "I've always defined myself on my ability to be perfect. Without that I feel completely lost."

"I'm going to help you find that out, yeah. I'm not going anywhere just because you aren't over a lifelong complex in one month."

They finished the meal together quietly without any more words on the subject, Itachi feeling a little disappointed that there was now sunlight streaming beneath the curtains. The room was lighter now, making the candles unneeded, but neither of them moved to blow them out and end the encounter.

It was Deidara who did so, eventually standing and gathering their plates as he extinguished the candles in one easy breath. Itachi watched him head out into the kitchen, following and hugging him from behind as he dropped the plates into the sink.

"Leave that," he whispered in Deidara's ear, planting a soft kiss on his neck. "Come back to bed."

Deidara didn't argue, letting himself be led back to the bedroom and under the soft duvet. He opened his mouth to question Itachi's intention, unable to read his eyes to find out instead, when he found his boyfriend's tongue quickly silencing him. He didn't complain, melting into the heated kiss- passionate and almost frantic, it was different from the other more chaste kisses they had shared.

Itachi pulled away for air, curling right up to Deidara before locking their lips back again another fervent kiss. He needed to feel, to touch, to _experience_ everything Deidara could give- it gave him the strength to continue on his path to balanced perfection, knowing he had his partner with him every step of the way to guide him.

"Itachi?" Deidara breathed when they parted again. "What are you-"

Itachi silenced his question with yet another kiss, letting the hand that was slowly wandering lower down Deidara's chest continue to do so.

"Exploring," he whispered softly. "It's a pretty innocuous move."

"What does that even _mean_ \- ah!"

Itachi's lips curled into a tiny, barely visible grin as he attempted to unbuckle the belt in his way with one hand. "I thought you were more articulate than that."

"Is this your idea of dirty talk?" Deidara asked breathlessly. "You talk in long words instead, yeah?"

"You're just incapable of processing 'long words' right now," Itachi clarified. "There's an expression for that."

"And what's _that_?"

"It's called thinking with the wrong head."

"What the hell are you _doing_ -"

"Is that a complaint?"

Deidara grabbed Itachi's wrist before it could move any lower than it already was. "Are you sure you're happy with what you're about to do?" He asked seriously.

"I'm exploring," Itachi told him again. "Nothing more. Are _you_ happy?"

"If you are, yeah."

"I wouldn't do it if I wasn't."

Deidara's freed Itachi's wandering hand with a nod of approval. "In _that_ case," he breathed into his partner's ear. "Explore away, yeah."

-.-.-

Itachi was expecting the good mood he drove them to college in to stay for at least half the day. Deidara had spent the drive with a coy grin on his face, looking a little nervous- a rarity, and extremely cute in Itachi's eyes. With that and their previous explorations in mind, he didn't really think he could wipe the smile off of his face, really. They hadn't crossed any lines just yet, but they were alright with taking it slow- intimate contact of any kind was more than Itachi had ever thought he'd get with Deidara.

Walking straight into a fight in the middle of the college hall took the edge off, however. When he realised one of the people involved was Sasuke, the mood vanished completely. Without thinking he stepped straight into the tussle, standing between Sasuke and the other livid boy, who halted with one fist raised when faced with the elder Uchiha.

"Itachi," Sasuke growled, trying to step round him. "Get out the _way_."

"Calm down," Itachi told him firmly, sending a quick glance to Deidara. The blond nodded a silent confirmation, making his way over and restraining Sasuke easily.

"Get the fuck off of me Blondie! I'll hit you instead, you know I've been looking for a reason to- don't think I won't do it! Get _off_ , get _off_ -"

"Sasuke, come on," another voice pleaded from the side- Naruto, who was looking troubled and nursing what looked like an injured hand. "Leave it."

"What happened?" Itachi asked, not caring who answered but his tone indicating _someone_ should.

No-one volunteered the information. The angry brunette Sasuke had been fighting with volunteered his fist however, which Itachi quickly dodged. He was a pacifist of the highest order- he'd been enrolled in martial arts classes as a child thanks to Sasuke's incessant complaints that he wanted to join them, but that was all the experience he held. Their mother had refused to let Sasuke unless Itachi attended as well, which he had been happy to do until he finally withdrew from 'boredom' (which was really the innate feeling that learning to fight when he had no intentions of ever doing so was _wrong_ ).

The crowd had already been growing when they had arrived, but Itachi noted now he had stepped in that it had doubled at least. He could hear gossiping, the occasional snippet of conversation regarding himself- was he good at fighting, how sweet it was he was stepping in to protect someone who was obviously a relative, how they now feared for the life of the young boy who Sasuke had been fighting.

Why they had such grandiose ideas for Itachi, he had no idea. He might be well known as being academically perfect, but right now he was treading water that was steadily growing deeper. He had learnt how to defend himself and tuned out anything in the classes that was related to offense- he had been certain he would never raise a hand to anybody.

He stood his ground though- what kind of older brother would he be if he didn't, after all? He'd been protecting Sasuke since his sibling was a year old and exploring the world, learning the dangers of a common household. Just because they'd aged now didn't mean he felt any differently about doing so.

Sasuke had stopped struggling against Deidara, sulking instead while Naruto attempted to calm him down quietly. Itachi turned his attention from them, satisfied they were under control, and turned it to the heated boy in front of him.

"What happened?" He repeated his question.

"That your brother?" The boy spat instead, bringing a hand to his split lip. Itachi gave him an impassive look, refraining from answering until he had received an answer to _his_ question, first. "He's a fucking jerk," the kid finally snapped, glaring at Itachi with no hint of fear. Itachi found it quite impressive- he might be considered a nice person in general but he was capable of giving off Sasuke's typical pissed-off-Uchiha aura if needed. It generally earned him glances of trepidation or outright fear. This time it earned him a raised hand, beckoning in a taunt.

"Answer the question," he asked firmly, standing his ground.

"Why don't you tell him what you said?" Sasuke called challengingly, yanking himself free from Deidara finally and stalking across towards them.

"Talking tough when you have your family to protect you? I'm so scared."

"You're embarrassing me," Sasuke growled when he reached Itachi's side, pushing past him roughly with one arm raised. Itachi grabbed his shoulder, digging his fingers into Sasuke's neck tightly so he halted and hissed in pain instead. "Whose side are you on, Itachi?!"

"Yours, as always," Itachi intoned, his voice low and sharp. "I don't care why you're fighting but I'm not going to sit by and allow you to continue."

"Sure, I'll repeat what I said," the brunette finally spoke up once more, a smirk on his face that Sasuke threatened once more to smack off of him. "I called you and your boyfriend there a couple of homos. Are you going to deny it this time, or just prove I'm right by hitting me again?"

Sasuke's reaction made sense in Itachi's mind immediately and he closed his eyes angrily, his own hackles raised just slightly at the comment. Sasuke wasn't offended by insults usually and had it been any other one, he would have kept his cool indifference and kept walking. However, his brother was acting like a bull that had seen red because of _Itachi_ and his relationship- he hadn't said as much, nor had he even hinted it, but the elder Uchiha could feel the aura of defence radiating off of Sasuke as he stood in front of him with his arms outstretched just slightly in protection.

That said Itachi was never quite sure what was going on between Sasuke and Naruto, if anything, but really that wasn't the point. Sasuke was a protective of him as he was of Sasuke, which was all that mattered in that moment.

He released his grip on Sasuke's shoulder, roughly pushing him to one side and neatly grabbing the other boy by the collar of his shirt. A couple of girls in the crowd gasped audibly as he took a couple of steps to the side and planted the boy firmly against the wall.

"Hi there," he greeted viciously. "I'm Uchiha Itachi. That's my younger brother, and if you think I'm going to stand there and let you beat and insult him then you are insane."

"You are _such_ a hypocrite," Sasuke groaned from behind him, hiding his eyes in his hand. "I'm not a five year old anymore, let him go and I can handle him."

The boy in Itachi's grasp chuckled before reaching out and around the back of Itachi's neck, grabbing hold of his long ponytail. Before Itachi could react he yanked, earning his freedom as Itachi hissed in pain and loosened his grip, one hand flying up to the back of his neck in an attempt to pry the boy's hand away.

"Don't you touch him!" Sasuke snapped sharply, anger at Itachi forgotten as he tried to rejoin the fight. Once again, he found himself restrained by the joint effort of Naruto and Deidara. "What the fuck is wrong with you both?!" He yelled at them sharply. "Blonds really _are_ stupid aren't they? Let me _go_ to him- he's _hurting_ him!"

A mantra was murmuring through the crowd of 'fight'- Itachi attempted to block it out, wondering where the playground mentality had come from. Colleges were supposed to be full of more mature people- yet he supposed he _was_ a hypocrite, for currently being one of the stars in the current show.

He was finding it difficult to concentrate on much but stinging pain however, currently on his knees as his ponytail was still being harshly pulled. Every attempt he had made to pry the boy's hand away had failed, leaving him simply wincing in pain with his hands on the floor so he didn't hit out in reflex. He really didn't want to get any more physically aggressive than he already had done.

Sasuke was yelling in the background, currently declaring rather loudly about what a pacifist Itachi was and how he stood no chance unless Sasuke went to help him. Itachi let a wry smile cross his features. Well, he supposed he deserved the returned embarrassment.

"Pacifist, eh?" The boy muttered in his ear, apparently listening to the conversation. He gave Itachi's hair one last yank before letting him go and stalking towards Sasuke. Itachi immediately put a hand to the back of his head, eyes closed in pain, before he registered where the boy had been headed. Scrambling to his feet and ignoring the stinging, he turned in time to see Sasuke wrench from Deidara and Naruto and lash out once more. His punch was avoided and he took one in return, earning cheering from the crowd.

"Don't you _dare_ touch him again," Sasuke threatened, one hand raised in a fist. He was ignoring the hit he had taken to his cheek, despite the thin line of blood that was beginning to form on the surface.

"Your brother isn't going to step in, then?" The boy snarled as the fists flew once more. "Or is he too much of a pussy? Or sorry- _pacifist_?"

Itachi was merely observing, mentally trying to work out how he could break this up without getting violent- which, really, he rather wanted to do considering Sasuke was being injured before his eyes. Rushing in and bodily shielding him wasn't sensible as much as his mind kept urging him to do so, and Sasuke would probably just yell at him again anyway- so what _could_ he do?

He attempted to ignore the part of his mind that screamed he was trying to be less perfect these days, eyes flicking to Deidara. Being less perfect meant beating the guy senseless would be just fine, right?

"Leave him _out_ of this- it's not his fight!" Sasuke warned harshly, snapping Itachi back to a more sensible reality.

"He stepped in so it's his fight, too. Come on Uchiha Itachi! You're going to let me wipe the floor with your brother? I'll take you!"

"You cocky son of a bitch! Ignore him, you're fighting _me_!"

Itachi disagreed with that, contradicting Sasuke by stepping up beside him and sighing heavily. He couldn't do anything else- he couldn't stop or shield his brother, so whatever action he took needed to be against the other boy. He had shown no fear earlier, but Itachi intended to change that. Narrowing his eyes sharply, he let the protective feeling that had been engulfing him take over, leaping forward to knock the other boy to the floor. Straddling his waist and pinning his wrists above his head in one smooth motion Itachi was surprised he could still pull off, he glared down at the younger boy with a touch of shame, a hint of pride and a lot of anger.

"Listen to me," he whispered, leaning forward so his lips were at the other's ear. "Being a pacifist means I don't _want_ to fight you- not because I'm a coward or because I fear you, but because I find such ventures meaningless." He tightened his grip on the boy's wrists as he struggled, the throbbing pain he was feeling on the back of his neck fuelling his desire to squeeze just a _little_ tighter than necessary. "However, if you touch him again I will _not_ hold back on you."

"What on earth is going on here?!"

The crowds began to disperse immediately, leaving one very angry looking teacher in their wake. Itachi mentally damned his bad timing, quickly clambering to his feet and releasing the brunette.

"Itachi?" The teacher noted, hiding his surprise well. "You aren't the type to be picking on people, let alone those younger than you."

"He isn't," Sasuke snarled, kicking out again against his human restraints that had once again grabbed hold of him. "Let _go_ of me you fucking morons, the show's over anyway."

"Language! Itachi- a relative of yours?"

"Younger brother."

The teacher nodded, sighing heavily as he realised the connection and why Itachi was likely to be involved. "All of you, follow me. I want some explanations and they had better be good."


	6. The Easy Way Out

The group of five students and one teacher filed into a nearly empty classroom together, the teacher scanning over the people in front of him with a weary sigh. Three new students he didn't know and two elder ones that he did- his eyes landed on Itachi once more, seemingly unable to believe he was about to scold what the teachers liked to think of as the college prodigy.

"Who was involved?" He finally asked. "Honest answers, boys."

"Not him," Itachi replied immediately, indicating Deidara. "He was restraining, that's all."

"Is that right?"

He got four nods and one glare from the brunette boy in response. The teacher took that as a positive and shooed Deidara to the door, who gratefully slipped outside to the hallway.

"Anyone else?"

" _Technically_ Naruto wasn't," Sasuke spoke up, indicating Naruto.

"Technically? He either was or he wasn't."

"He only hit him once- which is quite restrained if you ask me," Sasuke muttered.

The teacher emitted another long, weary sigh. "Your name, please?"

"Uchiha Sasuke."

"Right. Sasuke, you understand even a single punch is _definitely_ being involved, don't you? There's no technicality to consider."

"I don't want him getting in trouble!"

"I was right then," the brunette smirked. "Such a homo."

Sasuke's temper flared immediately, but he restrained himself in the presence of the teacher. Itachi's hand flew immediately to his arm regardless, just in case he hadn't.

"Stop provoking him! Who's going to give me the story of what happened, then?"

His eyes landed on Itachi, who gave him a slightly guilty shrug. He was starting to feel as though he hadn't taken the best course of action, especially at his age.

"I came in to find them fighting," he spoke when he realised he was being waited on expectantly for his story. "He was provoked with the insult you just heard, apparently. I attempted to break things up verbally but there was resistance, so I took to physical restraints."

"Stay here," the teacher ordered after a moment, beckoning to the boy in question. He and Sasuke were still staring daggers at one another, staying that way until the other was led from the room.

"Why the hell did you get involved?!" Sasuke demanded the moment the door closed, rounding on Itachi. "You do realise you're going to get in trouble now? You have a flawless record!"

Itachi simply stared at him, trying not to let the crushing feeling that came with that knowledge upset him. "I'm not going to let some kid talk to you like that," he declared firmly. He had one hand on the back of his neck, a rising headache forming thanks to the torture his hair had been put under. Sasuke noticed, his eyes narrowing in concern.

"Are you alright?"

"I'll live," Itachi shrugged, letting his hand drop away. "How about you? You have a cut on your cheek and from the look of it, you're going to have a nasty black eye."

Sasuke put a surprised hand to his cheek, wiping at the dried blood before tsking angrily. "Prick. I'm going to get him back for this."

"No, you'll leave it like a sensible and mature adult," Itachi scolded.

"Like you? You can't give me that lecture right now- you may not have hit the guy but you did everything _else_."

"Don't fight guys," Naruto asked with a sigh. He was sitting at one of the empty desks, one hand cradled in the other- both Uchihas seemed to have forgotten his presence, glancing at him with his words.

"How's your hand?" Sasuke asked, a hint of worry in his eyes.

"Could be better," Naruto shrugged, seemingly not too worried. "I think that guy should be more worried about his face."

"What actually happened?" Itachi asked, looking between them with a hint of confusion. He was interested to know why Naruto had backed down but Sasuke hadn't, for a start.

"We were just walking through the hall when that kid shouted at us," Sasuke explained simply. "He's in one of our classes I think. Anyway, he shouted his charming little insult and I went for the guy. He hit me, Naruto hit him in response and then I took over again. Then you walked in."

"So Naruto sensibly backed down after one punch, yet you continued past the original taunt?"

"He hurt you!"

Itachi raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm old enough to take care of myself, Sasuke," he replied flatly.

"And I can take care of myself as well! If he'd said it to you, would you have walked away?"

"I would."

"I can't believe _you_ of all people would let that kind of remark go," Sasuke remarked sceptically.

"Sasuke, do you remember my friend Kisame?" Itachi said after a moment, looking slightly nostalgic as he recalled the man in question. "He was a mature student- older than me, tanned skin, very tall?"

"The guy that went to go live on a submarine or something a couple of years ago?"

"He was a marine biologist. But yes, he sadly became difficult to contact thanks to his job after he left college. You remember him?"

"Yes- what does he have to do with anything?"

"Just an anecdote, Sasuke. One day when we were walking through the hall just like you were, somebody decided to make a rather disparaging comment to his face about the tone of his skin-"

"Wait, I get this," Sasuke sighed. "This is where you tell me about how Kisame was a bigger man and he walked away from the insult, right?"

"No," Itachi replied, raising an eyebrow with a whisper of a smile on his lips. "He beat the guy so badly he put him in hospital."

Sasuke blinked a few times in confusion. "What kind of anecdote it that supposed to be?!"

"My point is that you reacted badly to an insult that had nothing to do with you," Itachi noted. "I might have understood your reaction, like I did Kisame's, had there been truth behind it because that would be a personal insult. Unless there's something you aren't telling me-"

"I was angry on your behalf!" Sasuke argued, but any further complaint was halted when the teacher re-entered the room. They all lapsed into silence immediately, realising he was alone now.

"I've just spoken to the college head," he told the three of them. "Itachi, he's especially disappointed in you."

Of course he was. Itachi kept his outer facade neutral, but he was already growing sick of everyone telling him how dissatisfied they were with him- it reminded him why attempting to be anything be perfect was such a heartache.

"The other boy had been sent home on a week's suspension," he continued. "Which is where you're headed now, Sasuke."

"What?! He provoked me!"

"Yes, and you should have ignored him. Your parents will be informed."

Itachi and Sasuke exchanged a look that said the same thing, and it wasn't pleasant.

"Naruto- a three day suspension for you, based on your smaller contribution."

Naruto nodded, averting his guilty eyes to the floor.

"Finally, Itachi. I want a private word with you. Make your way home, boys."

"I'll give you both a lift," Itachi murmured quietly to Sasuke, knowing he too was likely to be heading down the suspension route. Sasuke nodded, swiftly exiting the room along with his blond companion.

"Itachi," the teacher sighed after a moment, looking troubled. "I'm so disapo-"

"With all due respect," Itachi interrupted, his voice a little sharper than he wanted. "But could you please stop telling me how upset you are with me for my conduct? I'm completely aware it was uncalled for behaviour, but I couldn't let someone walk all over my sibling and do nothing."

The teacher looked taken aback for a moment before honouring the request. "Alright. I _do_ understand why you stepped in, Itachi, but that doesn't make it right. Did you actually hit him?"

"No. I knocked him down to restrain him, but I didn't throw any punches."

The teacher studied him for a moment and Itachi met his eye, gaze firm.

"I believe you," he finally spoke. "But you're still going to be taking a three day reflection period. Sorry."

Itachi raised an eyebrow at the way it had been phrased. "So I'm suspended?"

"I was trying to be nice about it but, yes- you are."

Itachi nodded his acceptance, feeling rather like a small, scolded child- he wasn't used to being in positions like the current one so he didn't know what else to do.

"Because you're over eighteen you parents won't be called, though. Go home, Itachi."

Itachi followed him from the room, turning to face his three waiting companions. The teacher shooed them, turning his attention to Deidara.

"Get to class," he ordered. "The rest of you, go home."

He turned and headed down the corridor without another word. They all watched him until he reached the end of it and turned the corner- Deidara was first to come to life, launching himself at Itachi and embracing him tightly. Itachi let himself be hugged, feeling a little numb.

"The guy was a jerk, yeah. He deserved it," Deidara reassured him.

Itachi pushed his boyfriend off, carefully not meeting his eye. "You're late for class," he told him instead. "I'll come back and pick you up later."

"I'll make my own way!" Deidara protested. "It's fine, yeah. I need to stop by town and get some art supplies anyway."

He seemed very sure of himself, causing Itachi to falter instead of pushing the issue. "You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Then go to class."

Itachi roughly shoved him down the hall, turning his attention to Sasuke and Naruto instead. He refused to look in Deidara's direction, thankful that the footsteps he could hear on the tiled floor were getting fainter as his partner walked away. He didn't want to deal with Deidara right then- the reminder of why he was trying to be imperfect.

Had he been his old, perfect self he wouldn't have laid a single finger on the guy. He'd have dragged Sasuke off and restrained him like the usually mature adult that he claimed to be, but with Deidara's influence in his mind he had allowed his self-control to come free. Doing so had landed him here- on orders to leave the college on his first ever suspension from any educational system. The rational part of his mind knew only he himself was to blame for his actions, but he _did_ see the sudden the appeal of scapegoats.

"Let's go," he sighed, beckoning with one hand. The headache wasn't getting any better and now all he wanted to do was take a warm, comforting shower and collapse back into bed with pain relief.

"How long did you get?" Sasuke asked quietly once they were out of the building and in sight of the car.

"Three days."

"And I got a week? How is that fair?"

"You did a lot more than I did, Sasuke. Swearing at him in the teacher's presence probably didn't help."

Sasuke pursued his lips, getting into the car and staying silent for the whole journey. Itachi let the radio do the talking for them, detouring to drop Naruto home before heading for Sasuke's place.

"Thanks," Sasuke told him dismally once they were outside of it, getting out of the car. "I'll let you know how much of a fit Mum and Dad throw later."

Itachi nodded, pulling away as soon as he could and setting himself on the path home. He tried to keep his mind free of all thoughts until he was safely behind his front door, getting only as far as parking outside before he finally sighed and leant over his steering wheel, laying his arms across it and burying his head in them.

Deidara had suggested he ditch the complex. Deidara _hadn't_ suggested that he do a complete reversal of personality. He exhaled and pulled himself up, getting out and heading for the house instead. How was someone supposed to spend a suspension, anyway? Surely sitting around doing nothing of worth wasn't much of a punishment?

Who was he kidding? To him the very idea of causing enough trouble to be sent home was shameful, and punishment enough. He slammed the front door as he entered, closing his eyes in anger with himself. He resisted the very un-Itachi-like desire to punch the wall, telling himself if he could restrain himself from punching someone who deserved it, he could give his poor wall a reprieve.

Twenty minutes later he was curled up on the bed in a towelling gown, the painkillers he'd sourced moments after walking in slowly beginning to work. Spending the day in bed when he was supposed to be thinking about his terrible behaviour surely wouldn't be right, tempting as it was.

He did it anyway- no-one else would know and he was past caring if they did by that point. The day had started so well in the bed, so perhaps it might end well if that's where he spent the rest of it?

-.-.-

Deidara wasn't having the best of days, either. He couldn't get his mind off of what had transpired that morning- the whole _college_ was rife with Itachi's suspension, because apparently the students had nothing more important to gossip about. It riled Deidara- why couldn't any of them see Itachi was just as human as they were?

For the first time he was seeing a tiny glimpse of the pedestal his boyfriend was on, and why it was so important to him to remain on it. He knew what had happened could become a positive thing, however- anything that helped break the need to be perfect was welcomed and could be construed as useful, as harsh as that sounded.

He narrowly avoided bumping into a teacher as he turned the corner, deep in thought. "Sorry," he apologised automatically, sidestepping to be on his way again.

"Deidara, isn't it?"

Deidara narrowed his eyes in surprise, studying the man in front of him. He was tall and bordering elderly- Deidara recognised him, but he couldn't quite place where from. It wasn't a teacher he'd ever had, but one he had seen _somewhere_...

"That's right," he finally replied, unsure where the man was headed with the conversation.

"You're the one who hangs around with Uchiha Itachi a lot, aren't you?"

"Yes," Deidara replied curtly, ready to jump to his partner's defence if the fight was mentioned. "Why?"

"I'm his law teacher. Could I have a word?"

Deidara let himself be led off to a nearby empty classroom, concerned immediately. The teacher didn't take long to get to his point, closing the door behind them and turning to Deidara right after.

"I know this might be a personal question, but is Itachi under any stress right now?"

"Are you talking about this morning?"

"Partly," the man replied. Deidara was unsurprised that he knew- the teachers were probably gossiping about it as much as the students. "There's something else more pressing on my mind, though. I'm not asking you to break any confidences, but a yes or no would be appreciated."

"Then yes, I suppose he is."

"That's all I needed to know," the man replied grimly, and saying no more on the matter. He made to leave the room but Deidara called out to him to stop him.

"Can I ask why?"

Hesitantly reaching into the briefcase he was carrying, the teacher pulled out a paper and handed it to Deidara. He instantly recognised Itachi's neat handwriting gracing the page, his eyes being drawn to a red circle in the top right corner indicating the mark received on what he could see was an exam. The exam, Deidara guessed, that Itachi had been attempting to study for.

"64%?" he read out loud, eyes wide in surprise. Itachi had never scored anything less than a perfect 100% to Deidara's knowledge. "What was the percentage needed to pass?"

"75%."

Deidara's eyes widened even more. He knew instantly why Itachi had vanished the day he had taken the exam now- he knew he had failed. He must have done, because it was the only thing that made sense.

The teacher's soft voice broke him out of his thoughts. "I wouldn't be worried if he'd had scored anything above 90%, since everyone has their off days- even Itachi."

"It concerns me as well," Deidara remarked, still staring at the exam in his hands in disbelief.

"Can you help him?"

"I might be able to, yeah. I'll try."

"Thank you," the teacher replied, giving him another smile before stepping through the door. As an afterthought he stopped and glanced over his shoulder, looking a little troubled. "Can you give that to him? I'm aware of his suspension so I can't give it to him myself."

Deidara gave the man a beaming smile, putting the paper into his bag. "Just give me a week or so," he promised. "And you'll have your Itachi back."

He had no idea how he was going to manage it however, but he was going to achieve it- no matter how many hoops he had to jump through or strings he had to pull.

-.-.-

Deidara let himself into his shared home, armed with Itachi's paper, the art supplies he had purchased and some words of solace. He did a quick check of the living room and found it empty- and devoid of the Christmas decorations he had put up, he noted sadly to himself. Itachi must have finally snapped and decided to remove them in his absence.

He headed straight for the bedroom instead, pushing the door open to stop dead at the sight of Itachi packing a suitcase. A very familiar looking tan suitcase, in fact...

"My suitcase?" He asked, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"What have you got there?" Itachi asked airily instead, avoiding the question and indicating the paper. Deidara faltered but held it out with a heavy sigh, looking to the floor so he didn't have to see the look in Itachi's eye when he saw his paper.

"Your exam, yeah."

"Oh."

Oh? Deidara glanced up again, seeing that Itachi was definitely looking at the paper and therefore the grade- all he could say was 'oh?'

"I figured," Itachi finally shrugged, before tearing the paper into sheds and continuing his packing. Deidara watched the scraps of paper flutter to the floor, resisting the urge to simply leave the room and re-enter, hoping normality would return if he did so.

"What are you packing?" He asked instead, hoping to get a reply this time.

"Your stuff."

Deidara blinked, unsure of what to say. He hadn't been expecting _that_.

"Why?" He asked dumbly when no other eloquent words came to mind.

"I can _not_ do this!" Itachi finally shouted, spinning around and sending a sharp glare in Deidara's direction. "I can't have you and the complex, right? It won't _work_? I changed my mind- it's too hard, Deidara, so I have to give one up. I can't give up the complex because it seems to be rather attached to me."

" _I'm_ rather attached to you, yeah! You realise you're at home on a _suspension_ for _fighting_? That's pretty not-perfect right there."

"I'm aware," Itachi replied with another of those complacent shrugs that Deidara already hated. "I need to reverse it. I need to go back to being perfect again because that's who I am- it's all I _can_ be, and it can't be done with you."

"You're breaking up with me?"

Itachi turned back to the suitcase, leaving the silence in the air to answer the question instead.

"Itachi!" Deidara prompted sharply. "Is that what you really want?"

"Of course it isn't," Itachi hissed, not turning to face Deidara. "But you almost walked away once because of this, because you aren't stupid and you know it won't work if I'm hung up on the need to be perfect. This time you need to actually go."

"It might work," Deidara attempted to reason desperately, but they both knew he was lying. Itachi chuckled to himself, shaking his head and glancing over his shoulder. His eyes were glossy and so pained that Deidara felt his breath catch in his throat- he'd seen Itachi cry, he'd seen him look sad but he'd never seen him look so _fragile_ before. A perfect china doll, inches away from smashing to the floor.

It was _his_ things Itachi was packing. He shook his head slowly, unable to comprehend what was happening. "Where am I supposed to go?" He asked, his voice almost a whisper. "I gave my place up to move in with you, yeah."

Itachi faltered in his packing- apparently, he hadn't thought of that.

"This is ridiculous," Deidara continued, seeing an opening to seize. "I don't care if you're perfect, imperfect, whatever-"

"You do. You wouldn't tell me how you felt because _I_ had to be the one to say it. _I_ had to choose between you and being perfect, so I just did."

"Neither of us want this, yeah. This isn't the answer!"

"It's _an_ answer," Itachi replied, his tone no more than trembling whispers. "Now _please_ , stop making this harder than it needs to be."

"I'm going to go," Deidara agreed. "But I'll be back in one hour, yeah. Think about what you're doing, Itachi- _please_ , think. I've given you my opinion but I'll be back home in one hour, and we'll talk then."

He backtracked through the bedroom door, hurriedly heading for the front door until he was running at it, almost falling through it and closing it gently behind him- an anticlimactic end to such a scene. Taking a moment to collect himself on the doorstep, he finally set off down the garden path.

One hour. He had one hour to make Itachi see sense, and he had a very good idea what he was going to do to try.


	7. How To Fix An Uchiha

Deidara waited worriedly on the foreign doorstep, hoping he had followed the right route. He had a pretty good memory but it had been a long time since he'd last visited the house in question, and he was beginning to have his doubts he was even in the right street.

The door opened and he sighed in relief, wondering how low he had sunk to be _happy_ when Uchiha Sasuke's face greeted him.

"Sasuke," he spoke, putting a hand to his mouth in alarm as his voice cracked and unbidden tears flooded his eyes. He angrily blinked them away, annoyed they were even present, let alone in the presence of the younger Uchiha.

"You'd better come in," Sasuke told him, eyes narrowed in perceptive... concern? Deidara wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes.

"Itachi wants to throw me out," he blurted out quickly the moment Sasuke closed the door. "He thinks it's the best thing for us, yeah. He thinks he has to give me up because he can't give up the complex but he's _stupid_ , he doesn't understand, he-"

"Whoa," Sasuke halted, holding a hand up to him. "Stop. I get the picture, but I'm not sure what you want me to do about it."

"I need to talk to your father, yeah."

"Why?"

"I need him to tell Itachi he doesn't have to be perfect!" Deidara explained desperately, eyes frantic as he silently begged Sasuke to help him. "I'd have called from home but Itachi told me to leave, so I did. I told him I'd come back in one hour and we'd talk again about it."

"I can't guarantee Dad's going to say that," Sasuke replied, looking a little awkward. "He likes his perfect little son."

"Itachi explained how things were with you guys as kids," Deidara told him quietly. "I'm sorry, yeah. That must have been horrible."

Sasuke shrugged indifferently. "I don't really care," he replied honestly. "I wouldn't recommend calling him right now, by the way- he's pissed off about my suspension."

"What about Itachi's?"

"I didn't tell him," Sasuke murmured. "The college didn't because he's older and I wasn't going to get him in trouble with Mum and Dad- that wouldn't be fair given the circumstances."

"If I go back in an hour without something useful to back me up, he's going to throw me out," Deidara replied in despair.

"I'll come with you. I can be the 'something useful'."

Deidara eyed him suspiciously. Sasuke wouldn't meet his eye, his cheeks flushed a little pink with the words.

"You'll help me?" Deidara asked, wanting some clarification- mostly to make Sasuke squirm, of course, but partly because he could barely believe his ears. "You'll convince him not to do it?"

"I'll tell him he's a moron," Sasuke remarked. "That's all I can offer. I can't change his mind if it's set. Come on- we can walk together."

Once they were walking briskly back towards Itachi's, Deidara finally gathered the courage to ask the question that had been on the tip of his tongue since they had left.

"Do you really hate me or is it all for show?"

"I despise you," Sasuke intoned casually.

"Can you tell me _without_ the snarky comments, yeah?"

"No, I don't hate you," Sasuke remarked after a moment, glancing across to Deidara. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to be your best friend any time soon."

"That's good, yeah. I was worried we might have to start being civil with each other."

"Never in a million years, Blondie."

Deidara smirked at that, keeping silent until they arrived back at his and Itachi's place. They had ten minutes to spare before Deidara's one hour deadline but Sasuke was apparently having none of that, snatching the key from him and opening the door regardless.

"Oi," he called as soon as he was inside. "Itachi!"

He received no response. Deidara indicated the direction of the bedroom, following Sasuke as he set off towards it and yanked the door open harshly to enter. Itachi was lying on the bed facing away, jumping as the door slammed open and spinning around to face them both.

"You are the biggest idiot I have _ever_ met," Sasuke raved as he stalked to the bed, throwing himself down next to Itachi. "Honestly. I shouldn't be involved in all of this but unfortunately, you kicked your boyfriend out and apparently you guys have no other friends he could have visited or something. What the hell do you think you're _doing_?"

"Straightening things out," Itachi replied, his voice small.

"Messing things _up_ , Itachi! Deidara is willing to work with you, right? Who says any other person would do that for you if you found someone else?"

"I don't _want_ anyone else!" Itachi snapped at him. "The point of doing this is because I can't be in a relationship like this!"

"I am so fed up with hearing about this fucking complex," Sasuke told him bluntly. "Stop shaping your life around perfect or imperfect or _whatever-_ just _enjoy_ yourself! You're young and you're in love- be sappy and stupid or whatever makes you both happy!"

"If I could _do_ that, don't you think I _would_ be?" Itachi attempted to argue, but his voice was tight and shaky so he didn't continue his sentence.

"You're thinking too much into it. Stop concentrating on it and it might just become easier to do."

His eyes fell on the shredded paper that was still littering the floor, reaching down to pick a couple of pieces up. It made no sense to him, so he turned to Itachi for an explanation.

"The exam. I failed it."

"Hallelujah," Sasuke praised flatly, throwing the paper up like confetti. "You're capable of being a normal person after all. Re-sit the exam and move on with your life."

"Dad's going to hate me," Itachi snapped at him, but there was no malice present in his tone. He covered his face with his hands instead, shaking visibly and unable to continue what he was going to say. Sasuke's face softened and he moved quickly to embrace him when it became obvious Itachi's control on his composure was beginning to slip.

"He isn't," he said gently. "I promise you."

"He probably already hates me. He still hasn't called about-"

"About the relationship you're trying to end?" Sasuke filled in brusquely when Itachi cut himself off. "Good job, moron."

He said no more, keeping hold of his brother as he fell apart in the most controlled manner Sasuke had ever seen. He was shaking as though he should be sobbing, yet he wasn't. His eyes were glassy, but the tears didn't spill over. He simply stayed in Sasuke's comforting arms, his breathing hampered slightly while he projected only mild discontent, yet he seemed more broken than Sasuke had ever seen.

Control, perfection, facades- the _only_ things that weren't a complete lie in Uchiha Itachi's life were Deidara and himself.

It hadn't escaped his notice that Deidara had slipped from the room, even if Itachi seemed oblivious to it. He had a faint idea of what he was planning to do, despite Sasuke's earlier warning, and he had no intentions of letting Itachi hinder it.

-.-.-

Deidara was indeed in the living room, phone in his shaking hand as he flicked through the phone book for the Uchiha family number. He found it and summoned the courage to let is dial, managing to do so after a few moments and swallowing rapidly as it rang.

"Hello?"

Uchiha Fugaku himself. Deidara cursed inwardly- of all the ways to fix this, he had to come up with this one?

"Is anyone there?"

"Hi," Deidara spoke up. "I'm Deidara- did Itachi mention who I am?"

"Ah," Fugaku uttered. "His partner."

"That's me, yeah." He opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally sighing and gathering his nerve. "Look, I don't know how to say this so I'll just come out with it. If Itachi wasn't as perfect as he seems to be, would you still love him?"

The silence that followed the question was deafening, but Deidara thanked that he got an answer at all. He had been fully expecting to be hung up on.

"What kind of a question is that?"

"Please just humour me," Deidara near-begged. "You praise him when he's perfect, right?"

"Of course. I'm proud of my son."

"And you rewarded him for it as a child?"

"Yes. You'd better get to your point quickly, boy."

"When he _wasn't_ perfect, what did you do?"

"I don't recall such an event happening in my memory," Fugaku replied sharply. "My son is intelligent and a fast learner. You have ten seconds to make your point before I hang up on you- you're testing my patience."

"Don't hang up!" Deidara pleased. "Please! This is really important, yeah. Itachi... He has this massive complex about being perfect. It started when he was a child because he felt you didn't acknowledge him-"

"Why hasn't he spoken to me himself?" Fugaku cut in. "What nonsense is this?"

Deidara opened his mouth to reply but found himself met with a dial tone, slamming the phone down in frustration and quite unsure _why_ Itachi gave a damn about the opinion of such an asshole.

He calmed himself down, reminding himself that bonds between _most_ children and their parents existed even if one or both parties tried to pretend that it didn't. He felt a pang of remorse for his own father, who was who-knew-where in the world now. He quashed the bitter, vengeful part of him that suggested that lying in a gutter somewhere would be a lovely start, knowing deep down a small part of him did still love him regardless.

Fugaku might be a jerk, but he at least cared in _some_ way. Deidara exhaled, wanting nothing more than to get lost in his sketchbook, drawing until he had only a scrap of pencil left in an effort to get some of what he was feeling _out_ of his mind. He reached for it on the table, the idea very tempting, but he stopped himself before clutching it.

Itachi needed him. Sasuke might have been holding the fort right then, but in reality the talking that had to be done needed to be between the two of them.

He wanted a hug. The feeling made him want to cry as he slipped back into the bedroom- all he wanted to do was curl up in the bed and just _hug_ his stupid boyfriend while scratching out the word 'perfect' in every dictionary of the world.

Itachi was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking a lot calmer than he had been when Deidara had left. Sasuke had been talking quietly, his voice halting as Deidara re-entered.

"I'm going home," he murmured softly. "Stop sabotaging yourself you idiot. Call me later, right?"

He brushed past Deidara without a word, leaving the artist to give his partner a small, nervous wave. Itachi didn't respond so Deidara walked over, clambering into the bed and curling the covers around himself with a sad sigh.

"I don't want to talk," he uttered when he realised Itachi was looking at him. "Please. If you're going to make me leave I'm not going anywhere until we've just ignored the world for a while, yeah."

Itachi stared at him almost as though he hadn't registered the words but he eventually got under the covers as well, hesitantly wrapping his arms around Deidara and curling up against his back.

Deidara resisted the urge to both smile in delight and cry in anguish. The acceptance of his proposal meant one of two things- either Itachi genuinely wanted the embrace, or he was granting the last request before he made him leave. Right then, he simply basked in the contact, content for that moment that he didn't care to ask for the answer.

"Deidara?"

It seemed he was going to get one, however. Deidara declined to give a response, hoping Itachi would get the hint.

"I don't know what to do," Itachi whispered, audibly distressed as he buried his head into Deidara's neck. "Deidara- what am I supposed to do?"

"Just stay here with me," Deidara suggested. "Don't think about it, yeah."

"I can't _stop_ thinking about it-"

"Itachi," Deidara interjected loudly. "Please! Shut the hell up, yeah?"

He hated to be harsh but it worked, silencing his partner's words and leaving him to breathe shakily onto his neck. Deidara closed his eyes in satisfaction, aware of how fake the 'happy' scene he was living was right then and caring very little about changing it.

He smiled bitterly- he was becoming more like Itachi every day, content with facades and trickery to get through life. He promised himself that he wouldn't let it happen anymore after this, ignoring the thought in his mind that told him he might not have to worry if Itachi carried his threat through.

He wouldn't. He wouldn't kick Deidara out- ideally Itachi would come to his senses, but just in case he didn't Deidara had a plan. It involved a set of forgotten handcuffs and his own wrist, and he smothered a chuckle as he thought about what he had in mind. If Itachi wanted him out the house then he'd have to detach the frame of his bed as well.


	8. Influences

Itachi's mind was a mess.

That was an understatement, really. Itachi was certain that if everything kept up like this, his head was going to explode. He desperately needed to straighten out his thoughts and arrange them in a semblance of order, but he found it almost impossible.

Perfection or Deidara. He _did not_ want to lose his boyfriend- asking him to leave had been awful, especially when it really was the last thing he wanted. But he couldn't handle the pressure he felt like he was under to change. No-one had made him feel that way but himself, but he was quite aware right then of his mind's ability to twist things against him.

Deidara, obviously, didn't want to talk about it. Itachi didn't blame him in the slightest, because truthfully he didn't want to talk about it either. He wanted to go back to that morning, when they'd been so close and connected in the very spot they were right now, without a single care in the world but that shared moment.

It would be inappropriate for him to initiate such contact right then- he knew that, but there must be _something_ he could do.

"Deidara?" He murmured, his voice stronger now he had calmed slightly. "Why don't we go and see a movie?"

Deidara stiffened beneath his embrace and Itachi felt like he had been stuck with a knife. The guy was hanging on tenterhooks, waiting for the decision on their relationship and Itachi was asking him out on a date. Itachi found himself laughing- _really_ laughing, causing Deidara to break free and shift around to face him in confusion.

"Deidara," he breathed through his chuckles. "I- you-"

He couldn't speak, almost choking as he attempted to breathe through his mirth. Deidara was looking confused, _frightened_ almost in fact- it was hilarious to Itachi, who put a hand to his mouth in an attempt to smother his completely inappropriate amusement.

"You've flipped," Deidara finally muttered. "Itachi, I think you need to see a doctor or something, yeah. You're crazy."

"Okay, no movie," Itachi forced out. "Something else then?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I haven't got a clue," Itachi told him quite truthfully, the laughter dying away in his throat with the words. He now knew the cause of it- laugh or cry, and now the latter threatened. "I don't want to think about this anymore. I just don't want to _care_ anymore about any of it."

"Then don't."

"It isn't that easy."

"The answer to this whole thing is very simple," Deidara sighed, pulling himself into a sitting position with a heavy sigh. "Stop trying to be imperfect, but also stop trying to be perfect too. Be a mix of both, yeah."

"Like Sasuke," Itachi murmured, thinking back to his observation in the arcade. "My father, though-"

"Forget that for now," Deidara said hurriedly. "Keep the things that matter to him perfect until you can summon the courage to talk to him about it, yeah."

"What? I'm not going to do that!"

"You should. For now though, if it's around me or Sasuke, stop worrying. If it's at college or for your father, then sure, be all perfect. But only _temporarily_ , yeah. You're biting off more than you can chew right now- and you know what?"

"What?" Itachi asked, his tone wary when he noticed the slightly sympathetic look Deidara was giving him.

"I wasn't joking about seeing a doctor."

"How does _that_ work?" Itachi asked rhetorically. "Hi, I'm Itachi and I'm too perfect? Fix me?"

"Pretty much just like that, yeah. He might be able to prescribe something to take the edge off the anxiety, or give you some therapy to re-train the way your mind works."

Itachi _wanted_ to say 'I can handle it', but he'd made it quite apparent by now that he couldn't, so he simply said nothing.

"Will you go and see a doctor, Itachi?"

"I will," Itachi finally agreed quietly. Even if the idea sounded absurd, he couldn't turn it down. Deidara looked so hopeful when he asked- and besides, at this stage anything was worth a shot, right?

"What are you most afraid of?"

The question took Itachi by surprise and he thought for a moment, able to come up with the answer easily.

"Being perceived as imperfect."

"By?"

"Anyone. My father especially."

"Why does it matter so much?"

"It just does."

"And how much do you want it to _not_ matter?"

"More than I can say," Itachi whispered. "I want us to work out, Deidara. I don't want you to leave."

"I had no intentions of doing so," Deidara told him with a sly wink. "I'm not giving up on you that easily, yeah. You knew you failed that exam, didn't you?"

"It would have been hard to pass when I missed most of it," Itachi murmured, a little shamed. "I fell asleep studying in the library."

Deidara pointed at him accusingly. "I knew you should have been sleeping!"

"Yes, I learnt a lesson from that. I missed two thirds of the allotted time."

"And you still managed 64%?" Deidara looked impressed. "You'll have no problems with the re-sit, then. You should have come and spoken to me instead of disappearing though- you're trying to do something difficult, and you're not coming to me for the support I told you I would give, yeah."

"I know."

"So I'm going to force my support on you," Deidara informed him cheerily. "I saw those photos Sasuke took in the arcade, yeah. I know you're capable of trying."

"He took _photos_?" Itachi repeated, eyes wide in shock. "That was a rare flash of courage born of watching Sasuke be the person I want to be, alright?"

"You want to be like Sasuke?" Deidara queried, clearly unimpressed. "We're trying to get your over your problems, not transform you into a jackass."

"You and Sasuke have been getting on just fine lately," Itachi pointed out swiftly. "And I mean that he's good at a lot of things, and he doesn't stress about the things he isn't or when he makes a mistake."

"That's what a normal person does, yeah."

"We've established neither of us are normal, Deidara."

"Why am _I_ abnormal?!"

Itachi indicated the clock behind him, still sporting googly eyes. "My clock," he said flatly. "My computer mouse. You broke my entire house once for an art project. You stuck googly eyes on a _traffic light_. You stood out in a storm-"

"Alright, fine," Deidara muttered irritably. "But I don't want to change those things. I feel like I've lost sight of myself lately as it is, yeah. I want to be more like those days again."

A tiny grin spread across Itachi's lips. "Alright," he agreed. "I need to relax and you want to be more artistic again. I think I know just the thing for both of us."

-.-.-

"I never thought you would be the one to suggest this, yeah," Deidara pointed out, admiring his handiwork as he snapped a photo with his sadly-neglected camera. Itachi stood as his side, nodding his approval as well.

"It's surprisingly cathartic," he noted. "I can see the appeal."

They were standing on the corner of their street, eying the row of cars they had just placed googly eyes on. Deidara was more creative than Itachi, decorating the side mirrors on some cars and even climbing onto the roof of one to plaster eyes to the sunroof. Itachi had been quick to point out they were in danger of setting off alarms, calmly placing eyes on just the bumpers and suddenly feeling like a schoolchild again.

It was immature and normally he wouldn't be caught doing such acts- he had chastised Deidara for doing so, even- and yet here he was, in his element. It wasn't a perfect act, but it wasn't an imperfect one either. It was just two guys having some harmless, albeit a little intrusive, fun.

"Should we take them off again?"

"Nah," Deidara shrugged. "They pull off easily without damaging the paint. Leave them for the owners- they might like them, yeah."

"We're out of eyes," Itachi sighed, looking a little downcast. "Now what?"

"This," Deidara replied, pushing Itachi up against the wall they were standing near and kissing him furiously. Itachi attempted to struggle for only a moment before letting himself melt into it, aware that they still hadn't come clean with the world at large about their relationship. Itachi knew people on their street and if anyone of them _saw_ -

"Itachi?"

"Mm?"

"I love you, yeah."

Itachi closed his eyes in sheer, utter joy. "I love you too," he murmured, allowing himself to be kissed once more without any fuss. It was a surprisingly convincing method of persuasion.

A car beeped from behind them and they both jumped, turning to see who was occupying it. Itachi realised with a start that it was a very familiar car, with a very familiar looking driver...

"Dad?" He uttered in shock, slipping out of Deidara's grasp almost guiltily.

"You," Fugaku pointed to Deidara. "I would like a word regarding what we discussed earlier."

Itachi narrowed in eyes in bewilderment, glancing across to his partner for an explanation. Deidara didn't give one however, nodding his agreement and getting into the car as indicated.

"You can walk home," Fugaku told Itachi when he stepped forward to do the same. "And wait outside until we're done, son."

His voice wasn't malicious and Itachi was in too much shock to do anything but nod dumbly in agreement, watching the car as it drove off towards his house. He blinked a few times, feeling a little unsteady on his feet as he began the short walk as requested. Today really was a day full of surprises.

-.-.-

Deidara allowed himself to be led inside his home, feeling very awkward under Fugaku's gaze. He had never met the man in person, only glimpsed him from the tree when he was shut outside like Itachi was about to be, but something radiating from him commanded respect and Deidara was happy to give it if it meant an easy life.

"About my son," Fugaku said when they were seated opposite one another on the table, two coffees in front of them that Deidara had tentatively offered. "What were you talking about on the phone?"

"Itachi has a perfection complex," Deidara clarified once more. "He seems to think that if he isn't perfect all the time you'll hate him, yeah."

Fugaku sighed lengthily, looking the slightest bit troubled. "I'm sure Sasuke is quick to mention I'm not the most perfect parent, am I correct?"

Deidara averted his eyes, not wishing to say that Fugaku was right.

"By the time I realised my mistake with Sasuke, he was too old to care anymore," Fugaku explained after a moment. "I don't want to make the same mistake with Itachi. I'm very proud of him and I've always rewarded him positively to keep his confidence up, but he's never given me any reason to do anything else. Had he failed at something I wouldn't have berated him."

"He insinuated he was ignored for doing badly."

Fugaku laughed at that, shaking his head slowly. "Itachi isn't bad at things," he said simply. "I think his mind has worked up its own punishment for something that hasn't even had the chance to happen. If he did well he got positive reinforcement and a reward and he did well all of the time."

Deidara sipped his coffee, using it as a cover since he was unsure of what to say.

"I'm not a perfect parent," Fugaku repeated once more. "I won't claim that. I've done many things badly but in the years since my children moved out, I've begun to miss their presence- even Sasuke, for all his distaste for me. I'm still a busy man but I'm getting old, boy. I've cut my hours down so I have more time for them these days, but neither of them have been interested."

"The reason Itachi cut his contact with you right down is because you'd encourage him to be perfect," Deidara told Fugaku quietly, feeling guilty for laying everything that bothered his boyfriend about his father directly on the man. "The last call you shared, you told him not to seek relationships and to concentrate on his academics, yeah."

"I did. I've always encouraged him to excel because he appeared to thrive on it."

Deidara blinked a couple of times- _that_ was why? "You don't care if he fails?"

"I wouldn't go that far. I would be disappointed, but I wouldn't scold him for it. Certainly not at his age, too."

"What about Sasuke?" Deidara asked, figuring while he was in such a conversation, he may as well throw a line to the younger Uchiha who had helped him earlier that day.

"Sasuke is a worry," Fugaku admitted. "He's falling off the rails completely and has been for a while now. I told Itachi as much last time we spoke. I reinstated his money so he could quit that job of his last month in time for his new year in college, but I got a call today to say he's already suspended! For _fighting_ \- honestly, I have no idea what to say to the boy. He refuses to listen to me."

Deidara was aware that somewhere in the conversation he appeared to have become a venting post for his partner's father. He let it happen, hesitating on whether to indicate what had happened with Itachi and deciding he may as well. Perhaps Itachi would get to experience face to face his father's reaction to failure.

"Itachi was involved in that fight as well," he murmured quietly. "He was protecting Sasuke by restraining the guy, yeah. He's suspended too."

Fugaku stared at Deidara in disbelief for a moment before exhaling lengthily. "I see."

"He failed an exam," Deidara continued, figuring he might as well get everything out in the open.

"Can he re-sit it?"

"Yeah."

"What caused him to fail? Lack of study?"

"Not at all!" Deidara replied firmly. "He was waking up at two am to study, yeah. He was so tired he fell asleep in the library before the exam and missed an hour of it. He still managed 64% in the remaining time." As an afterthought, he decided to add something Itachi would probably be angry for, but that Deidara felt was necessary to come clean about. "And you know what? He hates studying law, yeah."

"So what you're saying is he's a mess?" Fugaku sighed, resting an elbow on the table and his chin in his palm. For a moment Deidara was reminded of Itachi- they had the same posture when sitting, for a start.

"I guess you could say that, yeah. I honestly think if you tell him he doesn't have to be so perfect all the time that'll he'll begin to feel better, though. He's so afraid of disappointing you and losing your love."

"Even Sasuke hasn't lost my love," Fugaku chuckled. "Has Itachi ever mentioned his relationship with my wife?"

"He said things weren't great because she favoured Sasuke," Deidara said bluntly, deciding that tact held no place in the current conversation.

"That's correct. Do you understand why that happened?"

The question sounded rhetorical, but Deidara slowly shook his head anyway.

"Because I, unfortunately, devoted a lot of time to Itachi, Mikoto dedicated her time to Sasuke," Fugaku explained. "As I said, I did realise after a while what had happened but it was too late. Mikoto loves Itachi just as much as Sasuke but just like with me, when she attempted to fix things Itachi was resistant."

"I think he'll appreciate having all this out in the open," Deidara remarked after a moment of contemplation between them.

"I think so too, boy. Before we call him inside however- tell me about yourself. I hear you're an artist."

"That's right, yeah."

"It's such a fickle area of expertise. It's awfully unstable, don't you think?"

Deidara shrugged, feeling a little more uncomfortable now the subject had turned to himself. "It's more of a hobby than a career move, yeah."

"What do you plan to do for a career?"

Deidara thought about that for a moment before finally shrugging in defeat. "I honestly don't know. I haven't thought that far about it, yeah. I think I'm just hoping maybe one day something will come of the art. I had a scholarship for a great art college, but I turned it down to stay here with Itachi."

"Which college?"

"Derwent. It's a long way away."

"I'm aware of it- impressive. Have you considered applying for a place at Stanford College in the next town over?"

"I had a scholarship there as well but..." Deidara struggled to articulate what had happened, sighing as he settled on a simple sum up of events. "I messed them around a bit and they withdrew it, yeah."

"Mikoto works for the local education board," Fugaku replied thoughtfully. "Perhaps it would help build some bridges all around if I dropped your name into her lap regarding Stanford?"

Deidara's eyes widened in shock as he almost choked on the last of his coffee. "Really?"

"I can't make any promises, boy. I want a promise out of you, though."

"What's that?"

"You won't intentionally hurt my son."

"I never would," Deidara replied firmly. "I really care for him."

"I'm not happy about him being in a relationship," Fugaku sighed after a moment's thought. "Don't look at me like that, boy, it isn't your gender- I'm not that shallow. I worry he'll lose sight of his goals in life because that's exactly what I did."

Deidara's ears pricked up at the new piece of information. "That's why you kept steering him into a career?"

"I was in my late twenties when I met Mikoto," Fugaku explained. "She was in her early twenties. We fell for one another, ran away and eloped in secret from our families- within months she was pregnant. It all went very fast and I threw away my career in the police force for a family. I regret the loss of my career even now, but I wouldn't change having my boys for anything."

"You won't have to worry about family with Itachi," Deidara pointed out, a good natured smile on his lips. The conversation was a lot more comfortable than he thought it was going to be, but he couldn't help but fret about Itachi- outside and probably worrying himself sick.

"I would _like_ grandchildren," Fugaku replied pointedly. "But I will leave that in Sasuke's hands when the time is right. When Mikoto fell pregnant with Sasuke, I had already entered the business world. I stayed there rather than pursuing my goal as a policeman because Mikoto worried for my safety- it wasn't fair on the boys, either."

They lapsed into silence, leaving Deidara to glance towards the door nervously. As he was about to suggest they go and get Itachi, Fugaku spoke once more.

"I recognise you. You were sitting in Itachi's tree the other day with Sasuke."

Deidara paled slightly- he'd forgotten about that stunt.

"You agreed you were Sasuke's girlfriend," Fugaku continued, one eyebrow raised in question. "You do look rather feminine with your hair like that, but I can clearly see now that not only are you a male, you're attached to my eldest, not my youngest."

"That's a long story," Deidara lied swiftly, not wishing to comment that he'd lied to save himself a potential beating had Fugaku's reaction to the relationship been a bad one.

Fugaku didn't push the subject, rising to a stand instead. "Tell me another time," he suggested, much to Deidara's relief. "For now, why don't we go and see what my son is up to and put him out of his misery?"


	9. Clearing The Air

Itachi hadn't been up to very much, unless sitting in a tree trying not to hyperventilate so much that he fell out counted. His phone clock told him they had been talking for over an hour, and he was beginning to worry for Deidara's safety. That, and he had no idea what the two of them could be discussing that was taking so long- it wasn't like they had much in common. The fact Deidara had called his father was a worry as well, because Itachi simply couldn't work out _why_.

Sitting in the tree gave him plenty of time to reflect just like he had been instructed to do by the college, even if it wasn't reflecting about his involvement with the fight like they wanted. Instead he was thinking about the day's events as a whole, though mostly about his words to Deidara.

He didn't want him to leave. He had no idea how he could balance his complex because, really, he'd managed to fail awfully at it so far. Thankfully, Deidara had seen that his plan to exile him had been born of desperation and not a real desire to end the relationship. Itachi knew one thing amongst the chaos, and that was he needed his boyfriend by his side whether he succeeded or not.

What he was also acutely aware of was just how _cold_ the winter night was, leaving him to push his hands into his coat pockets and shiver. He hated cold weather. He retracted the thought after a moment- he hated _extreme_ weather conditions. Too hot, too cold, too much sun to drive clearly, too much _rain_ to do the same- he hated all of them, but cold was always the worst. He resolved that the pair had five minutes to come and call for him before he snuck in the house anyway, hiding underneath a warm shower or the bedcovers.

The front door opened only a couple of minutes later much to his relief, seeing Deidara and his father glancing around the garden for him. Deidara's eyes shot up to the tree a second later, smiling slightly as their eyes connected.

Itachi clambered down, wondering why Deidara was smiling quite as much as he was. Fugaku gave him a nod, putting a hand on Deidara's back and pushing him outside. He closed the door behind him, locking eyes with his confused son as he did so.

"We're going to pick up your mother and then we're visiting Sasuke," he said firmly. "I have many things to discuss with you, Itachi, but I need them there to do it. Come on, get in the car."

Itachi, too stupefied to say or do anything else, simply nodded and did as requested. He opened the back door to get in with Deidara but his father gave him a pointed look so he closed it, getting the in front passenger seat instead.

The drive was only going to be around twenty minutes but Itachi wasn't looking forward to it, shifting nervously as he caught his father's eye on him. They hadn't even pulled out onto the road yet- in fact, the car hadn't even been _started_ , and he was already wishing the drive would be over.

"This must be a change," Fugaku said conversationally, finally turning the key in the ignition. Itachi reached out to flick the heater on gladly, not bothering to ask permission- he was far too cold to care. "Normally you're the driver, right son?"

Itachi nodded, turning his attention to the window and trying to calm his racing heart. He was really hoping his father wasn't expecting much coherent conversation, because he certainly wasn't going to get it.

"Itachi," Fugaku said quietly once they were on the road towards his home. "Calm down, son. You're not in any trouble."

Technically the words should have been soothing but they really weren't. Itachi wasn't exactly looking forward to spending any time with his mother at all- Christmas was coming and that was his annual be-civil-with-mother time, not any other time of year. Yet he was going to pick her up, probably be forced into small talk on the way to Sasuke's, and then have to sit around while his father talked about who-knew-what in some cosy little family meeting.

Itachi wondered idly if he could convince his father to stop for some reason, _any reason_ , so he could get out of the car and run far, far away from the whole idea.

"Itachi."

He glanced at his father, who kept his eyes on the road.

"I'll address one thing with you now. You don't have to be perfect to get my approval."

Itachi felt his heart leap to his throat, unsure he had heard correctly. _That's_ what they were talking about? He had expected it to be about their relationship, or his father grilling Deidara about it in the least.

"Deidara tells me you have developed an unfortunate complex," Fugaku continued. "And I admit I am at fault for it. You've never given me the chance to show you my reaction should you _not_ succeed in something, though. He tells me you failed an exam, son."

"Why did that come up?" Itachi wanted to know immediately, slightly annoyed. That was an unnecessary piece of information to give! He could sense Deidara's uneasy sheepishness from the back seat.

"It was for a good reason. As a result you're going to find out exactly what I think about your imperfections."

Itachi braced himself for harsh words, trying not to panic as he waited for his father to continue. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully, leaving his eldest son in a state of silent panic. It was moments away from developing into hysterics- he had no idea what he was about to be told. It was his worst nightmare and always had been- the disapproving tone he suspected would come, the loss of respect... He couldn't take it.

"The exam is unfortunate, but I'm sure you will pass the re-sit just fine," Fugaku finally spoke. "Be sure to get enough rest the night before next time, alright?"

Itachi, who could barely hear his father over the sound of his own racing heart, choked on a sudden lack of air. He'd been holding his breath in anticipation and the answer hadn't been what he expected.

"I also hear you've been suspended. I don't agree with violence and I'm surprised at your intervention, but I do understand it because you were protecting your brother. It isn't the correct path, but sometimes the morally correct path isn't the one that feels right at the time."

Itachi didn't respond, the inner mantra in his mind begging him not to cry from relief like he wanted to. Instead he closed his eyes, still not quite sure he was understanding what he had heard.

"You don't hate me?" He finally found his voice to ask.

"Of course not, son."

"Then _why_?" Itachi asked, his words fast as he stumbled on them to get them out. He had years worth of questions to ask and felt as though he only had a moment to do it in. "Why did you push me so hard? Why did you tell me to ignore attachments and be academically successful? Why-"

"Itachi," Fugaku called to halt him. "The only thing that's important right now is that you got the wrong impression somewhere along the line, and we need to change that. Now hush, son. The rest can wait until we're with your mother and Sasuke."

Itachi obediently closed his mouth, quite unable to describe how he was feeling. Everything he had ever thought true about his father's perception of him... wasn't? It was overwhelming, and he found himself slightly nauseous and shaking with fear, relief, shock- he actually had no idea. He took a deep breath and swallowed, attempting to dispel it.

When they pulled up in the driveway of his parent's modest home, he jumped out of the car as well. He needed air because he had been holding his breath too long, water for his dry throat born of anxiety and space just purely because- it would be unlike him to admit to any of that willingly however, so he didn't say anything as he accompanied his father up the drive and towards the front door.

"What is it, son?" Fugaku asked once they were on the doorstep.

"I'd just like some water before we go," Itachi told him quietly, keeping his eyes to the floor. It wasn't untrue, but it wasn't the whole truth either.

Fugaku nodded, letting them in the house and calling out to Mikoto. Itachi quickly slipped through the familiar hall of his childhood, hearing his mother's call of reply from the direction of the living room. He sighed in relief- the route to the kitchen didn't pass that room, meaning he wouldn't bump into her.

He stepped lightly through the long hallway, glancing around as he did so. He never visited his parent's home- once a year at Christmas, usually. The decorated walls were just the same as he remembered though, smiling slightly as he put a hand to the wall as he walked. Sliding his hand along gently, he remembered Sasuke doing exactly the same thing with a felt tip pen one summer afternoon. The wallpaper had been redecorated in that spot, but while no physical reminder remained of the incident, Itachi remembered it well. Despite his mood, it didn't fail to bring a slight smile to his face.

The glasses were in the same cupboard they'd always been, earning a tiny smile of relief as he poured himself some water. He hadn't fancied having to hunt around for them- this place was his home for many years and while he would never admit it, he liked feeling like he'd never left when he walked in sometimes. It reminded him of being a child, blissfully unaware of his own complexes despite already having them at that age.

He didn't get the reflection time that he'd been hoping for. Footsteps in the hall outside the kitchen startled him and he glanced over his shoulder, locking into a gaze with eyes that reminded him so much of Sasuke.

"Itachi," Mikoto said, giving him a tiny smile. "Your father tells me we're going to see Sasuke. How are you, dear?"

"I'm good," Itachi nodded in reply, turning back to the sink he was standing by and wishing she wouldn't use terms of endearment when there was nothing endearing about their relationship. He wanted her to go away but he wasn't impolite enough to ask it, feeling nervous as she stood expectantly in the doorway. He glanced over his shoulder again, meeting her eye once more.

"There's lemonade in the fridge if you'd rather have that," Mikoto told him, indicating the tall, silver appliance to Itachi's side.

"Water is fine," he reassured her.

Mikoto's pretty features twisted in concern, narrowing her eyes slightly. "Are you feeling car sick? You look a little pale."

"I haven't been car sick since I was about ten," Itachi reminded her flatly, signalling the end of the conversation by turning back to the sink. He was feeling sick alright, but it had nothing to do with the car.

She still wasn't going away. He finished the water, glancing back over his shoulder once more. She was ready to leave it seemed- she was wearing a jacket, she had her shoes on and her handbag was on her shoulder. What was stopping her?

"Ready?" Mikoto asked, giving him another soft smile and beckoning.

She wanted to walk with him. Itachi recoiled inwardly, turning to wash the glass in his hands- he was raised with manners after all, even if he didn't get on with the person that had instilled them.

"No," he replied slowly. "I'll meet you at the car- I just want to use the bathroom too."

"...Alright."

She turned and left without another word, her footsteps audible until she left the room and hit the soft carpeting of the hallway. Itachi closed his eyes with a soft, weary sigh- he hadn't been looking at her but he could hear the tone of her voice. She had seen straight through him.

Mothers always knew when their children were lying. It was a sense they apparently developed through pregnancy or something similar, because Itachi had never known how he and Sasuke had never once got away with lying about things as children. As he had grown he had stopped bothering to try- Sasuke still tried however, even now.

He snapped himself from his reverie, using the time he had procured to head up the stairs. Approaching the door that had once been his bedroom, he peaked inside and smiled just slightly. It was a spare room now- his old bed was in the place it used to be, as were his wardrobe and desk. It had become one the day he had moved out and had stayed that way, unlike Sasuke's room that had been converted into a study for their father.

He observed it for a moment before heading back down the stairs again, the need for a nostalgic moment fulfilled. All he needed to do now was get back in the car, ignore his mother as tactfully as possible and hope whatever conversation they were all coming together to have was one where he didn't have to interact with her.

-.-.-

To say Sasuke was surprised when his family (and Deidara) turned up on his doorstep was an understatement. He cast a glance to Itachi in the hope of an answer as to _why_ his home had become a family gathering place, but he was disappointed. His brother had stepped forward and cupped a hand to the side of his face critically, apparently more interested in his wounds from the fight than giving an explanation.

"Your eye," Itachi breathed, putting a gentle finger to the prominent bruising that had started to show.

"It will be fine if you don't fuss," Sasuke assured him, battering him away. "What are you doing here?"

"We're here to talk," Fugaku told him firmly, pushing past him to step inside. "All of you, into the living room."

"I was trying to study," Sasuke attempted to argue- his living room table showed he was telling the truth, textbooks and paper littering the table untidily. Itachi was impressed, though he kept it to himself. Sasuke was actually using his suspended time well.

"You're suspended- you have time to do it tomorrow," Fugaku told him, sitting on the sofa. Mikoto sat beside him, leaving Itachi and Deidara to head to the covered table instead. Sasuke eyed them all cautiously before being sent to make coffee, grabbing Itachi's arm and dragging him into the kitchen with him.

"What the hell?" He hissed, demanding an answer.

"Apparently we're having some kind of family talk," Itachi explained. "I know as much as you do."

Five minutes or so later, they were all seated and staring expectantly at Fugaku- minus Deidara, who was scanning Sasuke's notes instead in an attempt to distract himself from feeling quite so out of place.

"Are you going to get to the point?" Sasuke asked curtly, sending a sharp glare in the direction of his father. Fugaku gave him an equally steely glance, narrowing his eyes.

"It has come to my attention there are some crossed wires and some animosities in the family," he began, earning a roll of the eyes from Sasuke. "Sasuke- you have something to say about that?"

"I thought the latter was obvious," Sasuke replied. "You and I don't get along and Itachi is sitting as far away from Mum as he can get without being out of the room. That isn't a secret."

"It's going to change," Fugaku said firmly. "Son, I made a mistake with you."

"No shit."

"Sasuke," Itachi murmured. "Drop the attitude, baby brother."

"Oh _don't_ call me that for heaven's _sake_! I'm not a child anymore you jerk! How many times do I-"

"Sasuke! Listen, son!" Fugaku barked, earning his youngest son's attention once more. "I was far too focused on Itachi and not enough on you. As soon as I became aware of that I attempted to fix things with you, but you resisted."

Sasuke looked as though he wanted to give a biting response, but he bit his tongue instead and nodded for him to continue.

"Itachi. Because I, regrettably, didn't pay enough attention to Sasuke your mother did instead. It meant she had very little time for you."

"I'm sorry," Mikoto cut in. "Itachi- I always wanted to make things better with you, but you weren't interested. I don't blame you of course, but I never stopped trying."

Itachi nodded in agreement, realising she had been doing just that back at his parent's house. It didn't make him feel any better about their relationship, though.

"All of this has got to stop," Fugaku concluded. "I want us to get along better as a family. Itachi- we covered one of your issues in the car, and I'd like to cover the other now."

Itachi and Deidara shared a glance, knowing what was to come.

"I don't care if you want to pursue a relationship, or who you pursue one with. I just want to make sure you don't lose sight of the goals you set yourself, alright son? Don't get distracted by him."

"He's difficult to distract," Deidara spoke up for the first time. "I assure you, I've tried."

Mikoto laughed slightly at that- Fugaku's expression didn't change, but he turned his eyes on Deidara.

"You seem to be a pleasant enough boy," he remarked. "You're studying a useless subject and you lied about being Sasuke's _girl_ friend-"

"I knew I'd seen you before!" Mikoto cut in, leaving Deidara to glance at Sasuke sheepishly. Sasuke simply glared at him, folding his arms sulkily.

"Idiot," he hissed.

" _Regardless_ ," Fugaku continued, raising his voice. "As long as Itachi is still achieving everything he wishes with you at his side, then so be it."

"This is a far cry from everything you've ever said to me before," Itachi finally spoke up, addressing his father directly. "Why did you constantly tell me to excel if you didn't care?"

"I do care. But, you seemed to thrive on it, son. You always did so well and you worked so hard when I gave you encouragement."

"For a _reason_ ," Itachi stressed. "How could you _not_ see what you were doing to me? Didn't you wonder why I moved out and stopped trying to contact you?"

"Your mother," Fugaku replied simply. "I thought you didn't want to speak to her- which was also true, wasn't it?"

Itachi faltered in his response, not wishing to admit that it was with his mother right there in the room. He may not get on with her, but that didn't mean he was going to be openly rude to her face. Barely-civil was as far as he would go, because really, he wasn't a mean person.

"This is all very nice and all," Sasuke intoned, his voice laced with sarcasm. "But if you think you can just waltz in here, say a few pretty words, and fix everything that ever went wrong between us as a family unit then you're mistaken."

"I'm not naive, Sasuke. I know that."

"What prompted this, anyway?"

"Me," Deidara admitted, receiving a scathing look in response from Sasuke. "I just wanted to talk to him about Itachi's perfection complex, yeah. Don't look at me like that!"

"Must you be so hostile, Sasuke dear?" Mikoto asked, her voice a mix of disapproving and concerned.

" _Yes_ I'm going to be hostile!" Sasuke snapped back, eyes narrowed in what Itachi realised with a start was distress, not anger. "You're not going to just erase what happened to us as kids like this! I'm not going to let that happen!"

"That isn't the intention-"

"Just get out would you?" Sasuke snapped irritably over his father, waving a hand at the door. "I told you, I have studying to get on with."

Fugaku attempted to argue but Mikoto put a hand on his arm and shook her head, indicating the door.

"We'll talk about this some more when you've had time to think," she suggested, giving Deidara a quick wave. "Nice to finally meet you, dear."

Itachi stood with every intention of leaving as requested as well, but Sasuke shot him a glare. In the distance, they heard the front door close with a sharp bang.

"I didn't mean you," he muttered. "Deidara, make yourself scarce for a minute."

There was no force in his tone but Deidara swiftly obeyed, letting himself out into the hallway and standing awkwardly with no idea where to go in the unfamiliar home. Shrugging, he settled against the wall, pulling his mobile phone from his pocket. Now was as good a time as any to become acquainted with the strange device he supposed.


	10. A Taste of Life

"What is it?" Itachi asked softly when he realised Sasuke was staring at the table not saying a word when he obviously wanted to. They'd been sitting in silence for close to ten minutes and he was growing tired of it- it had been a draining afternoon and all he wanted to do was curl up in bed with his boyfriend. However, his brother clearly needed him. He was tapping one hand on the table, biting his lip and attempting to appear calm when he clearly wasn't.

"He didn't _seriously_ think that was going to work, did he?" Sasuke finally, his tone anguished as he glanced across at his sibling. There were tears in his eyes- born of sadness or anger Itachi didn't know, but he now knew that was why his boyfriend was currently in exile.

"He's trying," he tried to reason, but Sasuke shook his head angrily.

"I don't care."

"You should."

"I'm not you, Itachi. I don't give a shit about his opinion."

Itachi exhaled deeply, feeling far too emotionally drained to pep talk his irate brother. He was clinging to the hope what his father had said wasn't just fancy words- it wasn't a fix-all for his problems, but it would certainly go some way to reinforcing what Deidara and Sasuke had been telling him all along.

Besides, Sasuke _did_ care for their father's view- if he didn't he wouldn't be so upset by it.

"It's been a long day," he remarked, determined to help Sasuke feel better despite his own weariness. He reached out and grabbed him in a hug, unsurprised to feel him shaking. Sasuke, for all his bravado, was just as upset about aspects of their childhood as Itachi was it seemed. "How about you wind down and have an early night?"

"It's barely six."

"So? Just go to bed and grab a book to go with you."

"I'd rather go to a bar and grab some vodka instead."

"Underage, Sasuke."

"You're far too proper," Sasuke muttered, pulling out of the hug. Itachi flicked him on the forehead kindly, giving him a soft smile he never gave anyone else- a brotherly smile, full of pride and love.

"Mind if I go fetch my boyfriend?" He requested. "He's probably wondering what to do with himself."

Sasuke shrugged his indifference so Itachi went to the door, glancing out into the hallway. Deidara was on the floor, concentrating on something on his mobile phone screen.

"Deidara?"

Deidara jumped, shouting out moments later in dismay. "I lost my snake!" He wailed, earning himself a very odd glance from Itachi.

"Snake?"

"There's a game on here," Deidara explained. "It's really fun, yeah. You control a snake and it has to avoid itself and it gets bigger-"

"Oh," Itachi interrupted, finally realising what he was talking about. The game that came on most mobiles that had lost the novelty years ago for him- of course, Deidara had never owned one so hadn't encountered it before it seemed. "I know. Come on, you can play it on the sofa instead."

"Is everything alright?" Deidara asked quietly before they entered the living room.

"Long day," Itachi explained, giving no more elaboration. Deidara seemed content with that, throwing Sasuke a quick wave before settling comfortably on the sofa and continuing with his snake game.

"He seems at home," Sasuke muttered, eyeing Deidara with an air of distaste.

"And you don't care as much as you project," Itachi noted lightly. "Trust me on the early night, Sasuke. You'll feel better tomorrow."

"I doubt it," Sasuke replied bitterly, running a hand through his hair with a heavy sigh. "But I'll try."

"Good. We'll get out of your hair, then. Deidara- come on, we need to walk home."

"I just got- ah! Itachi! You told me I could play here and I lost the snake again!"

Itachi swiped the phone off of him, frowning at it. It had a set of googly eyes attached to it- he sighed, unable to find it within himself to be surprised. "Do you carry a stash of these things around with you?" He questioned.

Deidara reached into his pocket, pulling out a small handful of eyes with a sheepish grin. Itachi simply raised an eyebrow and said nothing more of it.

"You can play at home," he remarked instead. "Sasuke's going to bed, come on."

"Sasuke is _not_ going to bed," the boy in question argued.

"Sasuke _should_ go to bed. We're going to bed when we get in too, you know."

"We are?" Deidara asked, allowing himself to be helped up.

"Ew," Sasuke remarked, apparently mistaking the innocence of the comment. "I don't need to know about my big brother's sex life, thanks."

Itachi whirled around, cheeks crimson in embarrassment. "That was _not_ what I meant!" He paused before deciding to set the record straight. "Besides, what do you take me for? We've been dating for only a month, Sasuke."

"After all that dancing around each other for so long, you're telling me there's no sexual tension?" Sasuke asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Is that something you have experience with, yeah?" Deidara cut in swiftly, revelling in the shocked and marginally _guilty_ look on Sasuke's face.

"You're leaving," Sasuke told them, shooing them to the door. Itachi didn't argue, stepping out into the cool evening with Deidara by his side a minute or so later.

"So," Deidara remarked when they were walking home, both deep in thought about the day's events. "You can stop being so perfect now, right?"

"It isn't going to be quite that easy," Itachi pointed out. "But I suppose I _can_ stop attempting to seek constant reassurance from my father."

"You can stop linking your worth to how perfect you are, too."

"That might take a while," Itachi told him, a little sheepish. "That's pretty deeply ingrained. It will help, though. Thank you."

"No problem," Deidara shrugged. "Itachi?"

"What?"

"I'm still willing to help you be less perfect, yeah. You understand, right?"

"Of course. That's how we ended up with the impromptu family meeting- because of you trying to help."

"Good."

Itachi didn't miss the guilty look on Deidara's face, opening his mouth to question it before he found himself being pushed off the pavement into a puddle collected at the side of the road thanks to the afternoon's rainfall. He stumbled, grabbing Deidara to regain his balance, but unable to stop himself from landing in it regardless. Mostly because Deidara gleefully let go of him and let him fall, much to Itachi's disdain.

"What the- Deidara!"

"That's payback," Deidara told him with a cheeky grin. "For that day you pushed me into the gutter, yeah."

With that he whipped out his phone and snapped a couple of photos, Itachi attempting to grab it indignantly. "Thanks for being caring enough to get a phone with a decent camera, yeah," Deidara thanked casually, holding it out of the other's reach as he stepped back onto the pavement. "It's great for moments like this when my camera is at home."

"Stop that," Itachi told him firmly once he was back on the pavement, sighing at his soaked shoes and lower half of his jeans. "I guess I'll be taking my third shower today when we get in," he remarked as they continued their journey.

"Should have thought about that before you shoved me in a gutter, yeah."

"That was a _month_ ago!"

Deidara gave him a grin, wrapping an arm around his waist and giving him an affectionate peck on the cheek. "You're cute when you're irritated."

Itachi gave him a deadly glance, but refrained from commenting any further. They were almost back at their home, and he'd never been more pleased to see it. He already had visions of hot chocolate, Deidara and warm, soft covers- the small pleasures in life to take the edge off of his trying day.

Once inside he immediately headed to shower, stripping his clothes gratefully. Deidara was kindly making the hot chocolate he had requested, leaving him to take ten minutes to simply enjoy the hot spray of the power shower and the quiet in which he could finally straighten his thoughts out. Yet as he was moments from stepping in, he heard knocking at the door.

"Itachi- let me in, yeah."

Itachi glanced over his shoulder to the door, sighing heavily. "What is it?"

"Just let me in!"

"Are you kidding me?" Itachi complained almost to himself, slipping his towelling gown on and heading for the door. "If you wanted to use the bathroom why didn't you say so _before_ I closed the door a minute ago?"

He pulled the door open with a swift tug, any further words he had planned dying away in his throat. Deidara stood before him, stripped naked and giving him a cheeky grin.

"I fancied a shower as well," he explained. "Why waste water?"

He stepped past Itachi, taking the door from his confused hand and closing it once more. Itachi stared at him as he slipped into the already-running shower without another word, wondering what on earth had just happened.

"Coming?" Deidara asked, peeking around the shower curtain and beckoning.

Itachi still stared in disbelief. Sure, they had done some exploring of one another, but that had been with the sense of touch, not the sense of sight. They'd stayed under the covers the entire time and stupidly, he was now feeling rather awkward at the idea of taking his gown back off and joining his partner.

How many times had he fantasised about less-than-innocent interactions between them? He blushed a little at the various memories that came to mind. Countless times! But now when he was faced with an innocuous shower that would lead to nothing unless he gave the go ahead, he was suddenly shy.

"You have nothing to be shy about," Deidara told him with a coy smile, almost as though he was reading the other's thoughts. "Come on. I'll close my eyes if you really want."

"Can you shower with your eyes closed?" Itachi muttered, finally shedding the gown and stepping in.

"Shush," Deidara hushed him, turning him round so he was facing away. "On your knees, yeah."

" _What-_ "

Deidara sighed and pushed him down, putting a hand to the back of his neck. Itachi winced slightly- there was still residual pain from the hair pulling incident earlier at the college. Deidara knelt down as well, carefully combing his hands through Itachi's hair slowly and almost gracefully, fingers massaging as he did so.

So that was what he wanted. Itachi let him do it, mentally wondering how he was so damn _good_ at massaging. Why hadn't he found this out before? With Deidara's fingers in his hair and the shower beating down on them, he felt himself relax to the point he could have easily fallen asleep. Just when he thought that he might Deidara relented, indicating for him to stand up.

"Now you're a little more comfortable," Deidara whispered in his ear, pressing up against his back closely and lowering his lips to Itachi's neck. "Let's see if I can ask you a question I've been wondering about for a while, yeah."

"Oh?" Itachi breathed.

"That day I handcuffed you," Deidara continued to whisper. "You looked rather... Impressed about something. What was it?"

"W-what?"

"You moaned about _something_ , yeah. What was it?"

"If I tell you, will you keep doing whatever it is you're doing to my neck?" Itachi finally bit out, his tone breathy.

"If you want me to."

"You could probably do anything you want right now if you keep doing that."

Deidara chuckled softly, finally lifting his lips off of Itachi's neck. "I'm not going to push my luck, yeah. I don't want the drama of you regretting that comment later."

"Drama? Me?" Itachi replied, a tiny smirk on his lips. " _Never_."

"Did you just make a joke?"

"Possibly. It was you pulling my hair and treating me roughly, by the way."

"Are you kidding?" Deidara laughed. "You didn't look very pleased this morning, yeah."

"It wasn't you," Itachi pointed out. "It was some jumped up brat and there was nothing sexual about it. I was _handcuffed_ when you did it! I think anything would have worked at that moment."

"I think I'll refrain from that today, yeah. I don't think it'll be very pleasurable right now. How about this instead?"

Itachi gasped as Deidara's hand snaked down, down, _down_. "That's fine," he uttered.

"Is that permission? Think with the right brain, isn't that what you said to me?"

"Just shut up and do whatever you want," Itachi muttered at him. "I love you, you idiot- I'm not going to regret it."

"I'll take that as permission granted, yeah. Now _relax_ , Itachi- you've had a rough day, so let me make you feel better..."

-.-.-

An hour later they were curled up under the bedcovers, cradling hot chocolate and content in each other's company. With the highs of sexual euphoria now gone, all that was left for Itachi was a fuzzy, sleepy sensation that left a tiny smile on his face as he warmed his hands around the mug he was holding.

It also left the traces of shame that he'd been quite so easy to convince with only the slightest amount of arousal. He felt his cheeks burn once more, lowering his head slightly to sip his drink. Strands of his loose, damp hair fell around his face as he did so, leaving Deidara to tuck it behind one ear for him in a gentle, soft manner Itachi could barely believe belonged to him.

"You've been quiet, yeah. Everything alright?"

"Just thinking," Itachi shrugged. "I'm a little worried about Sasuke."

That hadn't been his thought at that _exact_ moment, but it definitely was one. Sasuke hadn't taken their father's plans to bring the family closer together kindly- worse than expected, if he was honest with himself.

"I'm going to be awfully worried if you were thinking about Sasuke, yeah. The look on your face didn't suggest that."

Itachi glared at him. "You just want me to praise your _technique_ , don't you?"

Deidara gave him a shameless grin. "I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to. I'm just checking the permission you gave was really alright."

"You have my permission to do anything you wish," Itachi told him, face serious for a moment. "I'm just shy and awkward, but I'll get over it."

" _Anything_?"

"Well- almost anything. You know what I mean."

"Of course," Deidara murmured, curling up against his side. "Finish that drink and lay down with me, come on."

"There's sugar in this. I'm not sleeping until I've cleaned my teeth."

"Oh come on, are you serious?" Deidara complained, taking the mug out of his partner's hand and bodily forcing him to lie down. He attached himself to his side, strong arms across Itachi's chest to prevent him moving. "Your teeth will live for one night, yeah. Just enjoy this. You need to relax and take care of yourself, or I'm going to do it for you."

"Can you stop mothering me? It's getting quite disconcerting."

"There was nothing motherly about what we just-"

"I meant right now!"

Deidara grinned, tightening his hold around Itachi. "Can we just not think about any of this until tomorrow?" He requested. "I just want a nice easy life for once, yeah."

"Alright," Itachi murmured, already beginning to drift into light sleep in the comfort of Deidara's arms. "Sleep well."

"And you."

Just as Deidara was dropping into sleep he realised neither of them had set the alarm for the next day. He mentally shrugged the thought off, declining to do so- he would probably wake naturally and if he didn't... Well, he was sure he could come up with a suitable excuse for being late that wasn't 'my boyfriend's going to be home and I wanted to stay with him'.


	11. Clarity, And Then Some

By the time Itachi crawled out of bed the following day, Deidara was already gone. A glance at the clock told him it was approaching eight- without his usual lift for the day, the artist had presumably left earlier to struggle with public transport. Itachi wondered how he'd managed to actually sleep for eleven straight hours- he hadn't even woken to Deidara getting out of bed! Small miracles could happen it seemed, but he deduced it was because he really must have been quite tired.

A note in Deidara's messy scrawl was waiting for him on the living room table, along with a cinnamon cake. Deidara, the cheeky devil, had written the letters in huge font in the presumption Itachi would see it first thing in the morning, and therefore wouldn't have his contacts in.

The note explained the huge letters were for that exact reason, that the cake in front of him was testing a new recipe, and that Deidara would have his phone on at lunch break should Itachi want to call. Itachi set it down again, eyeing the cake wearily. A new recipe could mean anything with his partner, but regardless he broke a tiny bit off- he wasn't in the habit of eating sweets for breakfast- and tasted it.

It tasted exactly like Sasuke's cakes did. Impressed, Itachi tore off another small bite before quickly putting it away to stop himself from being tempted. How had Deidara managed to get it tasting so much like his brother's? He mused idly that perhaps they'd shared some cookery tips when they'd been sitting in the tree beforehand, remembering a few minutes later when he'd successfully procured coffee that Sasuke had shared the recipe with his partner a month ago- when he'd been eavesdropping outside the door, no less. He made a mental note to act surprised at the similarity when he spoke to Deidara later.

He came to a rather troubling conclusion once he was dressed and presentable for the day with no-where to go and nothing to do. Apart from college classes, he and Deidara were never without one another. To walk into the college building and part from him felt normal. To be at home and be without him was now abnormal. He set about cleaning instead- a necessary evil that his partner had begun to take care of when he'd unofficially moved in, but why leave it to him when Itachi had the whole day to do it?

Even with music on in the background, Itachi still felt far too lonely. The house was too dull without Deidara's presence to brighten it.

-.-.-

Deidara found himself very glad to be home. He'd had to fight with the bus which was always a gamble- whether it even turned up was the first hurdle and if it did, it was unlikely to be on time. Today it had been close to thirty minutes late, but he told himself the silver lining of the cloud lay in the fact it had arrived at all.

Pushing open the front door, he called out to Itachi. A call of confirmation from the living room had him heading in that direction, feeling complete once more now he was in the vicinity of his other half.

He stopped in the doorway, staring at the state of the room. Itachi took the moment he was incapacitated in shock to swiftly kiss him, a combination of passionate and tender, causing Deidara's knees to weaken. He put a hand to the doorframe to steady himself, slowly following Itachi's finger as he pointed upwards once they had parted.

Mistletoe greeted him- of course, because that matched the rest of the current decor. Deidara laughed out loud, taking in the room that had been once again adorned with Christmas decorations. Much to his surprise, Sasuke was sitting on the floor by the tree, an imperceptible smile on his lips as he hung ornaments.

"We had nothing better to do," Itachi explained with a shrug. "What do you think?"

"It looks great!" Deidara praised, smirking at the handmade paper chains that hung from the ceiling. He hadn't touched the ceiling before since Itachi's box of decorations didn't house anything appropriate. It seemed the Uchiha brothers really did have too much time on their hands if they'd made some.

"How was your day?"

"Boring," Deidara intoned, falling onto the soft, cushioned cream sofa with a happy sigh. He was glad to be home, even if home currently contained Sasuke. "People wouldn't shut up about you being suspended again."

Itachi frowned slightly at that. "Don't people have something better to do than gossip?"

"Apparently not."

"I'm sure they'll get over it, yeah."

Itachi thought about it for a moment, sitting down next to Deidara. "I'm not sure I should care what they think, really."

"That's progress."

"I know."

"I'm proud of you."

Itachi laughed a little at that. "Don't be just yet. I've barely done anything."

He curled up into Deidara's side, happy to finally be with him once more. He'd cleaned the whole place from top to bottom, studied for a while and come to the conclusion he was far too lonely to care about work. Besides, he had another whole day off to do it, so he had called Sasuke for a chat.

Sasuke was apparently equally bored and somehow, Itachi had convinced him coming over to decorate his house for Christmas two months early was a good idea. He had actually asked to be the one to decorate the tree.

"Itachi?"

"Mm?"

"I like this, yeah. You seem happy."

"I am."

"Because of what your father said?"

Behind them, Sasuke stiffened slightly, recovering after a moment to continue hanging decorations a little more forcefully. Neither his brother nor Deidara noticed.

"Partly. Also, partly because you're home. Being suspended is awfully boring."

"Maybe I should take the day off tomorrow to keep you company, yeah."

To his surprise, Itachi simply shrugged. "If you want."

Deidara took that as a positive, closing his eyes contentedly and tightening his hold around his partner. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah," Itachi murmured. "I love you too."

"Get a _room_ ," Sasuke muttered, causing both of them to jump. They'd apparently forgotten his presence in their moment. "You're so fucking sappy."

"Jealously isn't pretty, Uchiha."

"The day I become jealous of you is the day Hell freezes over, Blondie."

"Hell's already frozen, yeah."

Sasuke blinked a few times in confusion. " _What_?"

"The innermost circle of Hell is frozen," Deidara explained as though Sasuke was a five year old child. He received a blank look equal to a child, causing him to exhale in annoyance. "You have no idea what I'm talking about?"

"I don't care."

"Dante? The name doesn't ring any bells?"

"I said I don't care."

Deidara threw his hands up in frustration. "The Divine Comedy? One of the greatest literary works of all time? You're telling me you have no idea what I'm talking about?"

"Deidara?"

"What?"

"I really fucking hate you."

Itachi put one hand to his forehead, exhaling wearily. Life might be heading down a more preferable path, but he really wished his companions could be a little more civil along the way.

-.-.-

Itachi was supposed to be studying. He knew that, but his thoughts were hampered by other more pressing matters. He'd been back at college for four days now, which meant Sasuke would be returning that day from his week-long suspension. Itachi had been hoping to run into him, but he hadn't done so yet. Sometimes he saw him in the hall or around the cafeteria at lunch break, where they would share a brief conversation and move on. They had different circles of friends (well, Itachi lamented, _he_ had _a_ friend at least) and Sasuke had not-so-politely suggested that his elder brother hanging around was 'cramping his style'.

That didn't stop him asking for lifts home or taking a seat next to him in the library, however. Itachi glanced across as Sasuke did the latter, giving him a soft smile. He had appeared almost as though he had been summoned from Itachi's thoughts, but Itachi knew it was more likely he'd been too deeply in thought to notice his entrance.

"I'm cool enough to hang out with when you're without your friends, am I?" He asked with a good natured smile, smirking as Sasuke glowered at him. "How have you been today?"

"Alright. That prick keeps giving me evil glares."

"Ignore him."

"I _am_. That doesn't stop him being a prick."

"So why are you here?" Itachi asked, noticing Sasuke didn't have any books on him- almost as though he had no intentions of actually doing any work.

Sasuke seemed to be rendered speechless, which was unusual. He fiddled with the edge of one of Itachi's textbooks on the table, looking as though he wanted to say something. Itachi frowned, wishing to push him on it, before the faint sound of a bell ringing in the background halted him.

"That's my cue," Itachi informed him quietly, putting his pen down. "Talk to me later, alright?"

Sasuke nodded, helping Itachi gather his things and walking with him as they left the library. Itachi gave him a short wave as they separated ways, heading through the hall to the correct classroom. He didn't really think walking through the hall of the college needed much thought, so he wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings as he did so. He knew where the walls were so he didn't walk into them, and that was all he needed.

As a result he was taken by surprise when he felt a hand on his arm halt him and moments later, a sharp pain at the back of his neck as he was pulled swiftly by his long ponytail into an empty classroom. The door closed behind him and his assailant, who Itachi instantly recognised as the boy he had tussled with before.

"What do you want?" He asked evenly, straightening his hair out once it was released and refusing to be intimidated. The lad was Sasuke's age, not even out of his teens- Itachi wasn't going to be frightened of him.

"You and I have unfinished business," the boy replied.

"I'm not interested in fighting with you."

"Too bad, because I'm interested in fighting with you."

"That's your concern, not mine," Itachi informed him, one hand on the door handle to leave. He was going to be late to his class if this carried on, and he refused to give the boy any more of his time.

A hand clasped over his, roughly pulling it off of the door. "You aren't going anywhere, Uchiha Itachi."

Itachi glanced over his shoulder, seeing unbridled bloodlust in the other boy's eyes. Clearly his pride had taken a beating from their confrontation- Itachi had put him to the floor with barely any effort, so it was to be expected. He sighed, knowing he needed to at least give a verbal confrontation if he was going to leave the room without a fight.

"What do you want from me?" He asked evenly, turning to face the boy with a raised eyebrow of question. "I'm not going to be intimidated by you nor am I going to spar with you."

A smirk in response was all he got, reminding Itachi so much of his younger brother when he was having a cocky moment. It was a reinforcement of all this kid was- overconfident, with the ability to hold a grudge if he wanted to. Just like Sasuke with their father and Deidara. He found himself smirking back, unable to contain it.

"What's so funny?"

"I was just thinking how much like my brother you are," Itachi replied truthfully. "And as a result, I'm sorry- I just can't take you seriously."

He took a solid punch to the face for his insolence- mostly expected, but still painful. The boy was wearing rings today, which Itachi was now very much aware of. He put a hand to his cheek, not allowing himself to seem pained by it. He was the master of perfect facades and, for once, it was going to work in his favour.

"Fight me."

"That would be a waste of both of our time."

" _Fight_ me!"

"Do you believe because I dislike fighting that I _won't_?" Itachi asked after a moment's consideration. "Because I told you before that I wouldn't hold back if needed, and you're pushing my limits a little."

"So you aren't a pacifist," the boy declared. "I just haven't pushed you hard enough yet."

Itachi expected the second punch when it came, grabbing the offending hand with his palm and attempting to divert it. He managed to keep it away from his eye, deflecting it to his shoulder instead. The boy slammed him up against the wall instead, pinning his arms against it with a feral growl.

" _Listen_ to me," he snapped. "Your brother's a feisty one. If I even _look_ at him, he's on guard. I'm not going to get him, so I'll get him through _you_."

"No," Itachi replied back, surprised by the calm in his voice. " _You_ listen to _me_. You have five seconds to release me."

"And if I don't?"

"You'll regret it."

Itachi realised that he had five seconds to think of a way to stop his words from being a simple bluff. His exterior was hardened though, eyes narrowed as he began to count out loud.

"One."

He couldn't think of a thing.

"Two."

Why did his mind have to give up on him now?!

"Three."

Think _,_ Itachi! _Think!_

"Four."

To his relief, the boy tentatively released his arms, throwing another punch instead. Itachi was too stunned to dodge, wincing as his already-injured cheek took the hit. He glanced to the door, wondering if he was going to be able to get to it if he ran.

He shook the thought away, pride taking over. He was Uchiha Itachi! He wasn't going to run from this! He might be an emotional coward, but he wasn't one when it came to things like this. He was taking the hits so Sasuke didn't have to- that was good enough for him.

Fortunately for him, the boy appeared to be losing some of his anger, giving Itachi one last murderous glance before balling his fists and turning his gaze to the floor.

"Fine. Get out of here."

Itachi didn't need to be told twice, walking to the door with enough haste to be sensible, but not too much that he looked frightened. As he was about to step back through it, he found an arm around his neck and he choked as he was pulled back, his ear right by the other boy's lips.

"Be on your guard, Uchiha Itachi. We'll finish this another day."

He let Itachi go, allowing him to take a couple of choking breaths before he found his voice to speak. "You think I'm not going to simply report you for threatening me?"

"If you tell, I'll get Sasuke."

Itachi sighed heavily at that, closing his eyes. There was no competition there, so he simply gave a short nod of confirmation before walking away down the hall. A glance over his shoulder saw the boy slip out of the room and head in the other direction, leaving Itachi to put a hand to his cheek with a soft hiss of pain. His fingertips revealed crimson when he pulled them back and he frowned, diverting into the closest bathroom to deal with it. He couldn't simply waltz into class with a cut on his face- that would require explanations that he wasn't allowed to give.

The room would likely be empty considering it was class time, which was a blessing. Pushing the door open, he stopped and blinked a couple of times when he discovered that wasn't the case. And of course, of all the people who could have been leaning up against the wall smoking a cigarette, it had to be his brother. The same brother, he realised, who was looking very much like he wanted to cry for some reason.

"You are such a stereotype," he declared as he closed the door, deciding to divert away from the obvious melancholy. "Skipping class to come and smoke in the bathroom? You realise this is the first place any teacher who would want to seek you would look?"

"I don't have a class right now," Sasuke shrugged indifferently. "I know you do, though."

"I have something more important to deal with it," Itachi told him firmly. The light was off in the room, leaving only the semi-light of the dirty windows to illuminate them inadequately. Sasuke had probably turned it off to shield himself should anyone come in and notice his distress, but Itachi needed it to be on to see the damage to his cheek.

"That's what breaks are for," Sasuke declared with a shrug, misinterpreting Itachi's comment until his sibling flicked the switch and bathed the room in light. Sasuke blinked a couple of times, eyes falling on the cut Itachi was inspecting in the mirror. He was at his side in an instant, eyes narrowed in concern.

"What happened?"

"Nothing you need to worry about," Itachi told him, keeping his voice level. "Someone was careless with a door, that's all. Why are you skipping class?"

The diversion was flawless, and Sasuke took to it easily. "I told you, I don't have a class."

"So why are you hiding away here rather than heading home?"

"I have one later."

"That still doesn't explain why you're not smoking outside," Itachi remarked, taking the cigarette from his brother's fingers. "And while I'm not going to yell at you for doing this, I'd prefer you didn't around me."

"I'm _not_ skipping," Sasuke muttered as Itachi put the cigarette out. His edgy demeanour hinted he wasn't telling the whole truth- whatever had been bothering him in the library was clearly still doing so. Itachi let it go for that moment, cleaning the blood from his face and checking the injury once more. It looked much better and he turned to leave when it became clear Sasuke wasn't going to speak, armed with the same story about a door for his teacher.

"I'm already late," he explained over his shoulder. "I need to go, Sasuke."

"...Don't leave."

Itachi faltered in his step. The voice that Sasuke had just spoken in was small, and very much unlike him. "Will you tell me what's going on?" He asked quietly as he turned his attention back to his saddened sibling.

Sasuke averted his eyes in such a manner that Itachi didn't have to think any more about the decision to stay. Being another five minutes late wasn't going to hurt at this stage.

"Sasuke?"

"It's Dad," Sasuke finally admitted once Itachi was at his side, silently leaning against the wall next to him for him to speak. "He called me again last night and asked if I was ready to talk about what he said."

"What did you say?"

"I hung up."

"That probably wasn't wise."

"I told you, I don't care for what he has to say!" Sasuke protested, but it was half hearted to even the least observant people. Itachi, being very observant and especially when it came to his brother, shook his head in disagreement.

"You do care- we wouldn't be having this conversation if you didn't."

"You're right," Sasuke finally uttered, his voice bitter. "I _do_ care but I really wish I didn't."

"I know the feeling," Itachi replied with a small smile. "But I also have no idea how to help you with that."

"You always have the answers."

Itachi was taken aback for a moment by the statement, but he didn't let it show. "No I don't, Sasuke. Academically I may excel but when it comes to the intricacies of life, I'm afraid I'm just coming to terms with the fact I fail quite often."

"I'll always be proud of you either way," Sasuke told him, a hint of affection in his tone. Itachi smiled at it- it was rare, and he was pleased to hear it. He and Sasuke had a unique relationship in that they managed to be closely bonded with very little outward sign of it, but it didn't stop him giving a quick hug and a flick of the forehead to his brother.

"Get to class," he scolded lightly, pulling the door open and stepping aside for Sasuke to pass through. Sasuke didn't attempt to argue that there was no class, making his way wordlessly down the hall with a sheepish expression on his face.

"Itachi?" He called after a moment, glancing over his shoulder. "Can I get a lift home?"

"Sure," Itachi nodded. "My car is parked just outside the gate."

"I know, I saw it. Thanks."

With Sasuke gone, Itachi briefly wondered whether it was even worth going to class now that he only had twenty minutes left of it. He struggled with the decision before finally deciding not to bother- it was his last class anyway and he would be spending the rest of the afternoon in the library until Deidara finished his own. Might as well continue his earlier studies and explain the absence later. He smirked, hoping Sasuke wouldn't find out considering Itachi had just sent him off to his own class.

He walked cautiously through the hall this time, eyes and ears open. He wasn't going to be caught off guard like that again- the next time it happened, and he was certain that it would, he would be ready.


	12. Just One Of Those Days

Itachi was unsurprised to see Deidara and Sasuke standing expectantly by his car at the end of the day, and even less surprised to see both of them with fire in their eyes, shouting at one another loud enough that he had heard them before he saw them. He approached them with a soft sigh, wondering when on earth they were going to admit they actually didn't mind each other's company all that much anymore.

"Itachi!" Sasuke barked at him, turning to face him. "Where _were_ you?!"

Itachi raised an eyebrow at him. His brother was making it sound like the two of them had been left in one another's company for hours, when in reality it had been mere minutes.

"I've had to listen to _this_ idiot-"

"What!" Deidara immediately cut in. "You jumped straight down my throat the second I got here!"

"Of course I did."

"You did, you jumped up little jerk!"

Itachi glanced between the two of them, both standing with balled fists and apparently inches from smacking each other. He sighed, putting a hand to his forehead.

"Why do you get the front seat?" Deidara complained when Sasuke opened the passenger door. "Get out, yeah! Shotgun! _Shotgun_!"

"Fuck you and fuck your shotgun," Sasuke told him simply before getting in the car. Itachi glared at Deidara until he got in the back, getting in the driver's seat and looking expectantly at Sasuke.

"What?" Sasuke snapped irritably, noticing his brother's gaze.

"What were you fighting about?"

"Doesn't matter," Sasuke murmured, and Itachi instantly realised from the look in his eye that it really didn't. Sasuke had been taking his frustration out on Deidara, who had risen to the bait easily.

"Am I taking you home, or are you coming to mine?" He asked quietly.

"You can take me home."

Itachi nodded, doing as requested. Sasuke hesitated on the pavement, causing Itachi to step out the car and close the door behind him to give them some privacy. He didn't mind if Deidara overheard, but he thought Sasuke might.

"Hey," he said softly, putting a hand on Sasuke's shoulder. "You need to calm down, alright? If you don't want to make nice with Dad then don't. If you do, then call him and talk it over. You can't carry on like this."

"I know," Sasuke murmured, looking down at the pavement.

"Good," Itachi nodded, letting his hand drop. "Let me know what you decide to do."

Sasuke nodded, glancing up at Itachi as he did so. His eyes narrowed when he caught sight of his brother's cheek, seeing the light bruising that was already beginning to come through.

"They really caught you badly with that door," he mused. Itachi put an unconscious hand to the wound, nodding his agreement.

"Seems so. Go on, Sasuke. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you."

Thankful to have diverted the conversation, Itachi slipped back into the driver's seat to face another confrontation from Deidara. He had jumped over the seat into the front one, eyes on Itachi's wounded cheek as he pointed to it.

"What happened?"

"That kid threatened me again today," Itachi told him, keeping his voice neutral. "Don't tell Sasuke. Don't tell anyone, in fact."

"Why not? He'd probably get expelled for that, yeah."

"Don't say a word," Itachi repeated. "Please. He said he'd make life difficult for Sasuke if I did, and he doesn't need that right now."

"If he's expelled then he can't do anything."

"And if they _don't_ expel him then he's still around to do so. Keep it quiet."

Deidara looked worried, but he didn't argue. Itachi took that as a sign to re-start the car and make their way back home, thankful to be done with the day. It hadn't been a great one- something he'd suffered with a lot lately- and he hoped that once he was safely home that the difficulties would end there.

Upon getting out of the car once they were home, Itachi realised that wasn't going to be the case. He'd been concentrating so hard on Sasuke's issues with their father that he'd forgotten about his own with his mother.

His mother. Who was currently sitting on his doorstep, giving him a short wave and a nervous smile. His father was standing next to her, giving them both a nod of greeting as they stepped through the gate.

Mikoto had a brochure of some kind in her hands. As Itachi opened the door, she handed it to Deidara. It was for Stanford Art College- Deidara's eyes lit up as he was ushered into the house, flicking through it as he sat at the table with Itachi.

"I pulled some strings for you," Mikoto told Deidara softly. "I got your scholarship back. They were apparently very disappointed when you pulled out the first time, but their general policy is to not allow re-applications in the same year. However, I got them to make an exception- they seemed quite keen to do so for you."

She gave him a wink, earning another beaming smile from Deidara as he leafed through the brochure. There were so many areas of expertise! He glanced up, eyes questioning.

"The scholarship is for Art and Design in the media," Fugaku filled in. "It's the field you'll have the best chance of actually getting a job in."

If Deidara was upset at the subject being chosen for him, he didn't show it. He still had a bright smile on his features, finally finding his voice.

"Thank you so much," he said sincerely. "I really appreciate this, yeah."

"Itachi," Mikoto said quietly after a few minutes of awkward silence, punctured only by the sound of Deidara turning pages. "I don't know what to say to you other than 'I'm sorry'. But your brother- he needed... I mean, _you_ needed too, but he needed... Because..."

Itachi decided to put her out of her misery, holding a hand up with a sigh. "I understand," he replied. "I don't like it, but I understand."

He wasn't going to allow the gesture to Deidara to be the only deciding factor in his decision to set aside the animosity. That would cheapen the ordeal- he wouldn't allow that.

"I got you a scholarship too," Mikoto continued almost shyly. "You were never happy with law, were you?"

"But I'm in my final year-"

"Of a subject you despise," Fugaku cut in. "Which you should have told me you hated, son. What do you want to study? The scholarship is based on you academically, not a single subject, because of your current record. Just say what you want to do, and it's yours."

"Are you kidding?" Itachi asked, his voice a whisper. "Anything?"

"Whatever you want, dear," Mikoto confirmed.

"Are you attempting to win me over with this?" He asked, his tone forceful. "That's cheap."

He didn't care that he sounded rude. The gesture was a kind one but he couldn't help but think there was an ulterior motive to it- he couldn't accept it in good conscience if it was.

"No." Mikoto shook her head, tone adamant. "I did it because I love you. You're my son- my firstborn, Itachi! I was so excited when I fell pregnant with you. I felt like I was the only woman to ever be blessed with such a beautiful and gifted child."

Pretty words, Itachi thought idly. They meant nothing if they were fake. However something in his mother's eyes told him that they _weren't_ fake at all. She was radiating a genuine expression of love and joy as she continued to speak.

"For the first five years of your life I was dedicated to you." She paused, grimacing in memory. "Well, minus the morning sickness period of my pregnancy with Sasuke. Other than that, I was yours. After Sasuke came along, he needed a lot of attention. He was a colicky baby, Itachi dear. It used to upset you so much to hear him cry, and it would break my heart. Do you remember?"

Itachi shook his head slowly, wondering why he was suddenly feeling rather humbled.

"He grew, and you did too. Your father began to realise you were shining- you were excellent at everything you touched. You started school and became top of your little class, and we were so proud. I suppose that was around the time your father began to praise your achievements, and I began to dedicate more time to Sasuke."

Her face fell, eyes flickering slightly in what Itachi could see was genuine remorse. "It wasn't ideal but sometimes these things happen, and you don't even realise it. We fell into a routine- your father would be concentrating on you and I would be on Sasuke... It was only when years had passed of the arrangement that we realised something had gone horribly wrong along the way."

Itachi could sympathise with that. Years of perfection meant training himself out of it was proving difficult, as he had already shown himself.

"I realised around your twelfth birthday," Mikoto concluded. "By then you were used to only wanting your father's attention. Sasuke... He was stubborn as a child- still is, in fact. Your father attempted to spend more time with him but he would just ask for me instead. Eventually it became resentment- he wanted me and he was getting your father. So we slipped back into the old arrangement, only I never stopped trying with you. You were older though- wiser, more capable of being bitter."

"I wasn't bitter," Itachi spoke up. "Bitter isn't the right word."

"I understand why things have been strained and I don't expect us to repair it overnight," Mikoto explained, her voice stronger now than it had been at the start of her monologue. "But the scholarships- they are yours and Deidara's, even if you ask me to leave. No strings attached."

"Geography," Itachi replied after a moment. Fugaku frowned just slightly, but he said nothing. Itachi caught it however, turning his attention to him. "I knew you'd feel that way. Useless subject with very little academic value, correct?"

"Not as useful as law," Fugaku admitted. "But still- not an _awful_ choice."

"I'm glad you're being honest about it."

"I've never been anything but honest with you boys," Fugaku remarked. "Even if it meant being blunt about things you don't want to hear. If you will enjoy it, then so be it. We'll arrange it with the college as soon as possible."

"Sasuke's going to be annoyed," Itachi remarked with a soft sigh. "He's going to lose his occasional lifts home."

"If Sasuke wanted it I'm sure we could arrange something for him, too."

"If it came from you he might," Itachi replied to his mother with the same honesty presented to him by them. "He might not want to move so soon, though. Talk with him about it."

"Going to see him is my next plan," Fugaku replied, rising to a stand. Itachi frowned, shaking his head at that.

"Not tonight," he requested. "He needs some time to think."

"He still isn't pleased."

It wasn't a question- it was a clear statement. Itachi nodded, feeling a little guilty to be the bearer of bad news.

"Alright," Fugaku sighed after a moment. "I'll give it some time. Will you be in contact more often yourself now, Itachi?"

Itachi knew it was a veiled question of 'do you forgive your mother?', and he had a very simple answer for it.

"Yes. I will be."

He wasn't ready to start becoming his mother's greatest friend, but he was willing to bury the hatchet at least. It was a start at rebuilding the lost relationship, which judging by her smile, she was happy with for now.

"Bye," he called as he waved them off out the door, closing it softly before making his way back to Deidara in the living room. He was pouring over the brochure, the huge smile still firmly plastered on his face.

"You got it all after all," Itachi noted as he sat down opposite him. "You got me, the local scholarship _and_ I'll be joining you this time."

"Aren't you annoyed to be dropping a subject you're so close to being done with?"

"No," Itachi replied, and he meant it. "It's the chance for a new start."

"A less _perfect_ start?"

"Yes," Itachi smiled, realising he was right. "I can certainly try."

"And perhaps... Be open about us?"

Deidara looked so hopeful. Itachi reached across the table, prying the brochure from his hand and clasping it instead. "Sure," he agreed. "I don't have any reason not to now my father knows and doesn't seem to care." He paused, taking that fact in. "I can't believe he doesn't _care_. Honestly, did you put him under a spell or something?"

"I'm an artist, not a magician," Deidara joked. "I just told him how you felt. They seem to feel pretty guilty about the way things were, yeah. It's good that you're happy to try and move forward with your Mum."

"It's going to be strange," Itachi agreed. "As far as I've been concerned, I've barely had a mother. I'm worried more about Sasuke and Dad, though- he's not as forgiving as I am."

He exhaled, putting a hand to his forehead and taking a moment to just breathe and relax. For once, life was slotting into place for him and he was actually _happy_ , minus the small issue of his little brother.

"I'm going to speak to Sasuke tomorrow," he declared. "If I can help him be happy, then I really do think life will be perfect right now."

"Nothing's ever perfect, yeah."

"It would be," Itachi told him definitely. "Sometimes perfect is the right word to use."

"I'm glad to hear you say it anyway," Deidara told him genuinely, a grin on his face as he leant across and sealed their lips in a kiss. "Maybe I can go back to the way I was before, then."

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't noticed? I don't do so many crazy artistic things anymore, yeah. I've been too busy trying to help you."

"Oh," Itachi replied, a little dumbstruck by the revelation. "I'm sor-"

"I told you I wanted to help you," Deidara reminded him firmly. "I don't mind, but it will be nice to go back to that. Art's who I am- I don't want to keep suppressing it like I have been."

Itachi gave him a subdued guilty look, followed by the smallest of smiles a moment later. "Does that mean I should start dreading waking up in the mornings again?"

Deidara gave him a huge, cheeky grin that suggested all was right with the world regardless of the topic. "You can count on it, yeah."

-.-.-

The following morning, Itachi awoke to a draft from the open window in the bedroom and the scent of paint. He hadn't left the window open and he certainly hadn't left any paint anywhere, which meant one thing- Deidara wasn't joking when he said he should fear mornings once more.

He groaned and covered his head with his pillow, feeling a familiar sense of dread wash over him. However this time, it was accompanied by the feeling that all was right with the world because this felt _normal_.

He finally ventured to find his boyfriend in the living room with a paintbrush in one hand and stencil in the other, painting bright orange fishes on his lovely clean magnolia walls. He blinked a few times, resisting the urge to smile.

"Fishes?" He queried. He was past anger, frustration, surprise or disbelief now, but that didn't mean he understood _why_ Deidara had chosen a stencil usually suited to bathrooms.

"Check the bathroom, yeah."

Itachi did as requested, finding the once white walls an appropriate shade of aqua. He pushed down a hint of surprise- any praise of the colouring was drowned out by the ridiculous stencilled cafe-style coffee cups on the walls. They were a soft creamy shade, and it really would have looked nice had they not been _coffee cups_.

Deidara appeared at his side, paintbrush still in hand. Itachi quickly grabbed it and threw it into the nearby sink, frowning at him.

"Don't drip paint on the carpet."

"I wasn't going to! What do you think?"

"I think it's entirely unsuitable, so therefore it's very you. Please explain?"

"This place looks like a showroom," Deidara said simply. "I was making it a little less perfect, in light of your recent change of heart and the addition of myself to the home, yeah."

Itachi thought about that for a moment, nodding in agreement. "I suppose in your strangely warped logic, that makes sense. Coffee?"

"I made you one already. It's on the table."

Itachi went to find it, gladly snatching it up and taking a long, welcome sip. Deidara stood in the living room doorway, stifling a chuckle as Itachi choked slightly and set the cup down.

"I appreciate that you put cinnamon in there, but just how much did you use?" Itachi asked when he had recovered, eyes watering slightly from the unexpected spice and strange taste.

"Do you like it?" Deidara asked instead, neatly sidestepping the question.

"It's horrific."

Deidara grinned at that. "It was worth a try."

Itachi headed off to the kitchen to make a _real_ drink, stopping in the doorway as a giant painted sun greeted him from the wall. Upon seeing that it was emblazoned with huge googly eyes, Itachi simply ignored it and went straight for the kettle. Deidara had moved to the doorway, a grin still on his features.

"What do you think of that then?"

"What do I think?" Itachi echoed, seemingly thinking it over before holding up one finger. "I think I'll be right back."

Deidara watched him leave with a mixture of confusion and curiosity, the latter taking over when Itachi re-emerged with a black marker in his hand.

"This is what I think," Itachi remarked demurely, placing the marker to the wall and drawing a sad smile on the sun. He stood back, giving Deidara an impassiveness glance.

To his credit, it took Deidara a couple of moments to recover his shock before he practically pinned Itachi to the kitchen counter, kissing him urgently as though Itachi was the air he needed to survive. Itachi let it happen right up until they were on the floor, tangled together in a heap that was rapidly decreasing in clothing.

"What got into you?" Itachi breathed as Deidara hastily shrugged his shirt over his shoulders.

"You," Deidara replied, lips close to Itachi's ear. " _You_ did something artistic, yeah."

"It was a line," Itachi protested. "I just needed to draw on my walls to turn you on?"

He was met with a kiss that clearly screamed 'shut up', which he was more than happy to comply with. With the current development in mind, Itachi really rather enjoyed having such unpredictability in his life now, and wouldn't change it for the world.


	13. Perfection Is Impossible

If Itachi needed any proof that nothing could ever be perfect, he got it at two am that night. He awoke to the sound of someone ringing his door bell, deafening in the quiet of nightfall, causing him to sit up slightly and check the time.

"Are you kidding me?" He murmured to Deidara, who was sleepily looking at him as though he might have an answer for who the mystery visitor was without checking.

"Are you going to answer it?"

"I'll worry if I don't," Itachi sighed, grabbing his dressing gown and heading for the front door. He flicked the hallway light on as he went, shielding his eyes to the sudden brightness.

He wasn't expecting to see a police officer standing before him. It banished the last traces of sleep from him immediately, causing him to straighten up from his position leaning tiredly on the door frame. The man was tall- much taller than he was by at least a few inches, giving him a mildly apologetic look.

"Uchiha Itachi?"

"Yes? What's the problem?"

"I have your brother in the car."

Itachi put one hand back to the door frame, exhaling lengthily. "I see. Why?"

"We found him outside a bar unable to walk and decided it would be prudent to escort him home. He managed to tell us he lives alone but he needs to be with someone right now, and your name is the only one we could get out of him."

Itachi wisely kept his mouth shut that Sasuke was a minor, and technically shouldn't be drinking anyway.

"Will you take him? If you don't, he'll be taken to the station to sober up."

"I'll take him," Itachi agreed- he'd have every intention of doing so the moment they'd told him the problem. "Can he walk inside?"

"Unlikely."

"Let me get dressed," Itachi sighed, leaving the door open and heading back towards the bedroom. Deidara was sitting up in the bed, a concerned frown etched on his features.

"Did you hear?" Itachi asked as he quickly dressed.

"Yeah. What's going on?"

"I don't know," Itacih murmured.

He was grateful to find that Sasuke had already been escorted to the doorstep when he returned, holding his arms out once he was on the doorstep and taking his sibling easily.

"Thanks," he told them, though really he wasn't quite sure why he was _thanking_ them for handing over his drunk, underage sibling at two in the morning.

"Take care."

Once the door was shut and they were alone in the privacy of the hallway, Sasuke fell to his knees, wrenching out of Itachi's grasp. Itachi knelt down next to him, seeing him put a hand to his forehead and squeeze his eyes shut.

"Not feeling good," he muttered.

"That's because you're completely trashed," Itachi told him bluntly, a little bit of anger sweeping through him. "Get off my floor."

Sasuke didn't do as requested, half-crawling to the living room where he collapsed on the sofa and placed an arm over his eyes with a moan. Itachi shook his head firmly, kneeling on the floor next to him and shaking his shoulder.

"We're going to talk."

"Not right now."

Itachi thought for a moment before standing, retrieving a glass of water and offering it to his sibling. Sasuke uncovered his eyes long enough to give Itachi a murderous glare, earning a scowl of disapproval.

"If you think you can get away with this kind of behaviour then you're mistaken," Itachi told him firmly, glancing at Deidara hovering uncertainly in the doorway. "Deidara, give me a hand, please."

He beckoned and whispered something in his partner's ear, who nodded and headed back off out of the room. Itachi filled in his part of the plan by dragging Sasuke off the sofa, forcing him to walk back out to the hall- supported, but at least on his feet.

Itachi pushed him into the bathroom, where Deidara was waiting with the shower running. Sasuke seemed to realise what was about to happen but the alcohol hindered him in reacting. Itachi forced him to kneel at the side of the bath and pushed his head over into the shower spray.

"You're going to sober up," Itachi snapped at Sasuke as he struggled, keeping his head firmly held down. His patience was always much thinner when he was tired, let alone the circumstances they were currently in playing a part. "And then you're going to give me an explanation."

"Fuck you!"

"Language, Sasuke."

"I don't fucking care! Let me go!"

Itachi eyed the shower on the wall, standing up with his hand still firmly on Sasuke's back. Deidara had set the temperature to a pleasant, warm one- Itachi praised his consideration before spinning the dial straight to cold.

Sasuke gasped underneath the spray of the shower a few moments later, his voice shrill as he protested.

"You fucking jerk! Turn it _off_!"

"If you don't stop cursing at me I'm going to get the soap and rinse your mouth out."

"Just _try_ it, jackass."

"It is _two o' clock in the morning_ ," Itachi yelled at him, finally losing the minute reign he had over his temper. He didn't anger easily, much less shout at people, but something inside his tired mind had simply decided it was fed up being restrained. "I have better things to do with my time than sober you up because you're incapable of both moderation and employing common sense!"

He finally released Sasuke, flicking the shower off once he had his temper in check. "Please make some coffee," he murmured to Deidara, guiding him to the door. Deidara wasn't offended at being exiled from the room, letting Itachi close and lock the door behind him before turning to his brother. He was on his hands and knees on the floor, coughing.

"I'm sorry I'm such a bother," Sasuke growled at him when he had recovered slightly, glaring up at him. His sodden bangs were plastered to his face, dripping water into his eyes. He shook his head furiously to loosen them, finally clawing them off of his face and behind his ears.

"Talk, Sasuke."

"I have nothing to say."

Itachi shrugged and sat down on the floor, back up against the door and knees to his chest. He had no intentions of moving until Sasuke talked, even if it took all night.

"You've sobered up."

"You just tried to _drown_ me."

"Don't be melodramatic."

"Just throw me out if I'm too much to handle, then."

Itachi shook his head firmly. "You were handed to me, so you're my responsibility. Why did you think getting horribly drunk in a public place was a good idea?"

"I didn't plan it! It just _happened_. I thought you had more important things to do than talk to me?"

"I'd quite like to sleep," Itachi told him truthfully. "And I didn't say I didn't want to talk to you. I'm trying to do just that, in fact- please start so we can both go to bed reasonably soon for college tomorrow."

"I'm skipping tomorrow."

"Like hell you are."

Sasuke raised a cocky eyebrow, catching the curse immediately. "Didn't you just scold me for that?" He pointed out. His observation caught Itachi off guard- he hadn't been expecting Sasuke to have noticed the mild slip up born of barely-restrained exasperation.

"I did," he replied with a shrug, not wishing to be a hypocrite. "But that's not the issue here, is it Sasuke?"

"That was pretty not-perfect, right?"

Itachi glared at him, pursuing his lips. "Don't even think about playing that game, Sasuke."

A little of the harsh fire in Sasuke's eyes died away, and he averted them quickly. "Sorry," he muttered. Itachi nodded in acceptance, pushing it aside and jumping straight to the crux of his complaint once more.

"Tell me what's going on, Sasuke. You've never been the most compliant person, but this is unusual even for you."

"Can we talk tomorrow?" Sasuke requested quietly after a moment of consideration.

"We'll be at college tomorrow."

"I'm not going to fucking college, I told you."

"You're going, even if I have to drag you inside the building myself. One more curse and I _will_ get the soap, Sasuke."

"Hypocrite."

A gentle knock on the door Itachi was leaning against interrupted them, Deidara calling that coffee was ready and asking if he could go back to bed. Itachi thanked him and told him to go, turning his attention back on Sasuke. He still looked a little hazy around the edges, but he wasn't as drunk as he was angry which Itachi deemed a good start.

"Let's get that coffee," he suggested, pulling himself to a stand and suppressing a yawn. Ideally he would have liked to stay locked in the room until Sasuke spoke but he was in danger of falling asleep if he did.

He didn't get any confirmation from Sasuke but he followed Itachi out into the hall and to the living room a few moments later, which was all the elder Uchiha needed to see. Two coffee cups were at the table with the sugar pot- Itachi smiled slightly at that, sitting down and picking up the spoon. Deidara either knew he would probably want more than the usual amount, or he was clueless about how Sasuke drank his coffee.

In reality, Sasuke hated the stuff, but he still picked it up and sipped at it gently. He declined the sugar and looked unimpressed with the taste before setting it down again.

"I can't stop thinking about Dad," he finally admitted.

Itachi nodded, understanding that sentiment. He had been in the same one not long ago, after all. He wasn't surprised that the issue at hand had been this one, either- Sasuke was a live wire at the best of times, let alone when he was under pressure.

"I can't help with that," he replied, wishing with every fibre of his being that he could.

"I know. I should just call him but I'm a moron."

"I'm not going to disagree with that tonight," Itachi replied demurely, finally halting his stirring of the coffee. "You realise the problem is still going to be there whether you're drunk or not, right?"

"You said yourself common sense isn't my strong point," Sasuke murmured, surprising Itachi with his self-criticism. "Do you have any painkillers?"

"I'm not giving you painkillers with that much alcohol in your system," Itachi told him firmly, smiling slightly as he remembered back to Deidara once telling him the same thing.

"What? Don't be a jackass!"

"I refuse to be responsible for you gaining even more liver damage," Itachi echoed Deidara's other statement, the smirk growing larger. Sasuke gave him a confused glance that asked him to explain. "I suffered the same thing when I got hung-over last. Deidara refused to give me anything."

"Proving what a jerk he really is. Can I sleep now?"

"Drink that first."

"You want me to drink a caffeinated drink then sleep?"

"It'll help sober you," Itachi told him firmly. "I'm going back to bed."

He threw the almost-full coffee down the sink with a sigh, choosing bed rather than caffeine. Sasuke had a point about drinking such things before attempting to sleep, but Itachi really didn't care that he sounded like a hypocrite once again that night.

"Is he alright?" Deidara uttered tiredly when Itachi crawled back under the covers, sighing as he did so.

"No," Itachi replied truthfully. "He will be, though. He needs time."

In the back of his mind before he fell fast asleep once more, Itachi mentally chided that he'd ever attempted to use the word 'perfect' in regards to life. He was a living example that true perfection was impossible, after all.

-.-.-

As suspected the following morning, Sasuke was hung-over. Itachi knew the moment he walked into the living room- the fact his brother was awake and willingly drinking coffee, looking like he wanted someone to just _murder_ him on the spot spoke volumes.

"Itachi?"

"Yes?"

"Next time I decide to go out drinking, can you knock me out first?"

"Happily. Good morning, Sasuke."

"It's an awful morning. Your painkillers suck, they haven't worked."

"Headache?" Itachi called sympathetically from the kitchen. "You should probably try to sleep. You've got some time yet."

"If I lie down I feel sick."

"Ah."

Itachi had no more to say to that, busying himself with toast and coffee. Sasuke declined the former, looking nauseated at the thought of food. He seemed distracted but he also didn't seem to want to talk- Itachi respected that, knowing the problem was unsolvable as it was.

"I think I should go home," Sasuke declared when they'd been sitting in silence for close to ten minutes. Itachi halted on his way to the kitchen to wash the things he'd used, frowning and glancing over his shoulder.

"If you think you're going to slink off home and skip college, you are mistaken."

Sasuke didn't argue. Itachi took that to mean he had seen through his sibling's plan before heading off to shower. He diverted to the bedroom first, sinking down on the edge of the bed where Deidara was awake, sitting up sketching.

"Morning," he greeted, earning a quick peck on the cheek from Deidara and a smile that said 'I love you but go away please, I'm busy'. "I'm going to leave you, don't worry," Itachi assured him. "Drawing anything interesting?"

Deidara hesitated before turning his sketchbook round, presenting an amusing image of Itachi washing Sasuke's mouth out with soap. Itachi couldn't resist a smile at it, putting a finger to his lips.

"Don't you dare show Sasuke," he warned before vanishing to the sanctuary of his shower. Once beneath the warm, relaxing spray he let his mind wander to the night's events, wondering if he should just call their father and kick start the much-needed conversation for them. He decided against it in the end however, realising that Sasuke might not actually _want_ reconciliation.

Once he was standing in his living room doorway twenty minutes later, towel drying his hair and dressed, he realised leaving Sasuke alone for so long probably hadn't been a smart idea. His brother was missing- it wouldn't be a stretch of imagination to believe he was no longer in the house, but a quick once over confirmed it.

"Sasuke's gone," he told Deidara, who had finally got out of bed and was getting changed.

For once, Deidara didn't have a sharp comeback regarding his boyfriend's younger sibling. "He'll be fine, Itachi."

"He's going to skip college."

"He might not."

"He _will_."

"Even if he does, it's his decision. You can't baby him forever, yeah."

"I'm not babying him," Itachi protested, but he knew somewhere deep down it was true. To him, Sasuke was still the cute child who stole cookies for him and bounded around like sunshine personified- when had he become a brooding young man? Itachi felt suddenly old, shaking the thought as soon as it came.

"Stop worrying about him," Deidara scolded lightly, giving him an unexpected hug. Itachi fell into it easily, thankful for the light comfort. "If you don't see him around college by the end of the day, call him."

"Yeah," Itachi agreed. It was a sensible suggestion and he was willing to give Sasuke the chance to prove himself. All Itachi had to do now was _get_ to the end of the day without worrying- he sighed to himself, a tiny smile on his lips. Being an older brother could be a lot of work sometimes, especially to someone like Sasuke, but he wouldn't change it for the world.


	14. 90% Happy, 10% Imperfection

Itachi deliberately attempted to seek out his little brother, much to Deidara's amusement. Considering he bumped into him a reasonable amount of times at college usually, to not see him at all was unusual- almost as though his little brother was _avoiding_ him for some reason. Itachi was refusing to believe he had skipped- horribly naive perhaps, but it worked in helping lessen his concern.

He knew why Sasuke would avoid him, too- it was the same reason he hadn't been open to talking. He was afraid Itachi would attempt to convince him to make up with their father, even if he didn't want to. Little did Sasuke know that wasn't Itachi's intention at all- he was aware that even though it would be nice to play happy families, if Sasuke didn't want to genuinely fix things then it would be fake. Itachi had had enough of facades and false pretences.

Walking through the hall with Deidara at his side deep in thought, he stopped when he encountered someone he really wished he hadn't. The smirking face of the boy he had unintentionally begun to clash with standing ahead of them made him sidestep in an attempt to avoid the confrontation, but apparently now they had come into contact the boy wouldn't be letting that happen.

"Uchiha Itachi. Where's your pussy of a brother today?"

Itachi hid his alarm well. He needed to get in contact with Sasuke, and he needed to do it _now_ , end of the day ideal be damned. He ignored the call and continued his walk, hand on his pocket to pull out his mobile.

"Oi! I'm talking to you, girly boys."

Itachi stopped, sharing a glance with Deidara. Deidara gave him a nod, knowing exactly what he was being asked.

"Excuse me a second," Itachi muttered, handing his bag over before walking straight up to the kid in question.

"Going to fight me now, are you?" The brunette asked menacingly, the smirk growing ever-bigger as Itachi walked up to him determinedly.

Itachi counted to three before grabbing the boy by the arm and dragging him bodily into the classroom they were standing by. Pushing him up against the door by the scruff of his neck so they couldn't be disturbed, he spoke with more force than he'd ever heard his mild voice contain.

"I suggest that you drop this meaningless rancour," he suggested. "If you are insistent on threatening me then I will take any necessary measure needed to show you that I am not a person to mess with."

"Right now you're all talk and no action," the boy taunted.

Itachi sighed. He really didn't want it to come to this again, but he was being forced into a corner. In one easy motion he grabbed hold of the boy and slammed him into the floor, knocking the wind from him as he once again pinned his wrists above his head and straddled his chest.

"I'm going to resist hitting you," he declared. "I'm not willing to sink to that level."

"Like your brother?"

"Leave him out of this. You brought the problem to me, so it's nothing to do with him now."

The boy struggled and shoved Itachi off, leaving him to land on his hands and knees messily to one side before quickly bringing himself to his feet. On the floor before an opponent was not a very safe place to be, after all.

He felt a hand on the back of his hair once again but this time, he grabbed the boy's hand and wrenched it off, backing him up into the wall once more with a hand dangerously close to his throat.

"I'm going to give you _one_ warning," he growled. " _Stop_ fucking with my hair."

If the boy had known anything about Itachi, he might have realised that pushing him to the point of such cursing was a very bad sign indeed. As it was, he didn't know that piece of information, and continued his smirking taunts.

"It isn't my fault your hair is girly-"

The boy didn't finish his sentence, finding his words restricted by the impact of pain that came with Itachi's fingers in the nerve on his neck.

"I'm not going to hit you," Itachi repeated. "But there are many ways of issuing warnings that don't involve such acts. Consider this warning number one. If we have to get to warning number three, I won't be so kind."

"Says the pacifist."

Itachi exhaled lengthily, looking skyward. "You're not making this easy," he declared. "It's almost like you're _trying_ to get me to hit you."

"Bring it, girly boy."

In one swift movement the boy was once again on the floor, leaving Itachi to wonder with a hint of amusement when he was actually going to bother _guarding_ himself against the same obvious defensive move. He'd put a little more force into this time however, needing his threats to be heeded.

"That was warning number two," he declared evenly as the boy put a hand to his ribs and pulled himself to his knees. "I'm going to give you ten seconds to get out of my sight. Stay away from my brother, myself, and anyone associated with us. You are also to keep your mouth closed about this little meeting, got it?"

The boy looked as though he had a smartass response, cocky as he always had been, but he closed his mouth as Itachi spoke again.

"You do _not_ want me to get to warning number three, I assure you."

With that he began to countdown, leaving the boy scramble to his feet and swiftly flee the room without another word. Itachi looked skyward and thanked whatever deity that might be listening that his false bravado had worked. He glanced to the door to see Deidara poking his head around it inquisitively, leaving Itachi to exit the room as though nothing had happened and continue the walk down the hall.

"What the hell just happened?" Deidara finally asked, a hand on his side as he rubbed at it. "He pushed the door open and caught me, yeah. He seemed pretty scared."

"I had some unfinished business to take care of," Itachi replied smoothly as he relinquished his bag from his partner. "It's all sorted out now."

A tiny, slightly cocky smile crept up onto his lips. Deidara didn't question it, simply shrugging and saying no more. He'd been peeking through the glass window in the door just in case he'd felt the need to jump in, but Itachi apparently knew how to handle himself very well. He'd been wary of jumping into the family fight knowing Itachi would chide him for it later, but if there one thing what he had just witnessed told him, it was that pissing off Uchiha Itachi was an awful, terrible idea.

-.-.-

Itachi was unable to get hold of Sasuke. He wasn't picking up his landline and his mobile went to answer phone when called, but Itachi finally convinced himself not to worry. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense in his mind. He knew exactly where Sasuke was going to be.

"We're taking a detour," he told Deidara as they drove away from the college- at the end of the day too, which Deidara had been surprised Itachi had stayed until upon finding out his brother was missing. "I'm going to drop you off somewhere first, though. Sasuke won't appreciate it if I turn up with you in tow and it has nothing to do with his pretend distaste for your company."

Deidara didn't argue- and he certainly didn't complain when he was dropped off at the side of an arcade and handed a note to go and 'have fun'. He beamed, grabbing it swiftly and hopping out of the car with the enthusiasm of a child who had just been told they were allowed the whole candy store to themselves.

Itachi thanked that it wasn't raining that day like the last time they had been here. The sea was just as choppy however, and the chill in the air even worse. He walked along the wooden planks of the pier, thrusting his hands deeply into his pockets and attempting to still his jaw. He had more important things to worry himself with than the unpleasant cold for once.

Sasuke was sitting on the edge of the pier, legs hanging off the edge as he smoked a cigarette. Itachi sat down next to him with a concerned sigh, refraining from voicing his aversion to the smoke. Sasuke didn't need the lecture right then.

"You skipped," he finally spoke up when Sasuke took a deep, shuddering breath and averted his suspiciously glassy eyes.

"I told you I was going to. Why are you so surprised?"

"I don't know," Itachi replied truthfully. "I guess I thought maybe you wouldn't."

Sasuke flicked ash off of the cigarette with a sharp, derisory laugh. "Sorry to disappoint."

"Has this excursion been helpful?"

"Yes," Sasuke replied definitely. "I called him."

Itachi waited patiently for him to continue. It took him a few moments, but Sasuke did so quietly.

"I told him no."

Sasuke's voice was small and very unlike anything Itachi had ever heard before. He hated it- it twisted his heart in a way that he couldn't describe, feeling the pain radiating from his brother as his own.

"I can't forgive him," Sasuke continued. "I _can't_ , and it hurts that I can't do it. I _want_ to, but not right now."

"Give it time," Itachi suggested quietly. "You might feel differently. But- Sasuke? Even if you don't, it's alright. You're entitled to feel however you wish."

"Mum said you and her were going to try and get on better."

"That's right."

"So if you're capable of forgiving, why can't I?"

"We're different people," Itachi told him firmly. "Don't compare yourself to me."

Sasuke had nothing to say to that, chaining another cigarette off of his last one. Itachi frowned, but still refrained from commenting.

"Where's Deidara?"

"In the arcade."

"Thanks."

"I respect your opinion, Sasuke."

"I hear you're going to be moving colleges."

Itachi didn't falter in his reply. "Yes. Mum said she was going to try and work something out for you."

"I told her not to," Sasuke shrugged. "I'm happy where I am."

"I thought you'd be upset at losing your occasional lift home," Itachi replied, which was really code for 'I thought (hoped) you'd miss seeing me around'.

"I'm going to learn to drive," Sasuke remarked, earning an impressed nod from Itachi. "I'll be in contact with you just as much, don't worry. It's no different from when I was at school."

Itachi smiled at that, wondering when he'd become so transparent that everyone could see straight through him with very little effort.

"Let's go," Sasuke finally sighed, pulling himself to a stand. "I'm fed up with sitting around smoking."

"For something I presumed to be a social habit, you've taken it up quite a lot recently."

"Yeah, yeah," Sasuke muttered, but he put it out regardless. "Let's go get the idiot."

They found Deidara at a crane machine, giving them both a gleeful smile as he successfully grabbed and deposited a cuddly fox into the winning box. Pulling it out, he inspected it critically before holding it up.

"What kind of idiot made this?" He sighed. "Foxes don't have this many tails, yeah."

He hesitated for a moment before holding it out to Sasuke, who had been staring at the floor surrounded by an aura of melancholy. He glanced up at it, taking it slowly when it became clear it was being offered as a gift.

"Thanks," he murmured. Deidara gave him a quick smile before awkwardly averting his eyes, pulling another cuddly toy out from under his arm.

"Here Itachi," he said, holding out the shark toy for his boyfriend. "How's this? I thought it was really cute, yeah."

Itachi had to chuckle as he accepted the shark, giving it a once over. "Did you know a close friend of mine is a marine biologist?"

Deidara shook his head, eyes wide with surprise. "How come I've never met him?"

"He lives on a submarine," Sasuke muttered.

"Not quite," Itachi sighed. "I usually hear from him around Christmas- his job does make him hard for me to contact, but he knows where I am."

"It will be our first Christmas together in a couple of months," Deidara pointed out as they headed out to the car. "What do you normally do?"

"See the family," Itachi explained, wishing to change the topic for Sasuke's sake. "How about you?"

"I usually spend it alone," Deidara shrugged, but he didn't seem too upset by it. "Occasionally I see mum for an hour but she has other people to see, yeah."

"I'll make sure you're involved in whatever the plans are this year," Itachi told him definitely, giving him the toy so he could take the steering wheel in his hands. "I'm not going anywhere unless you're with me."

Deidara smiled at that- small and shy, the comment made him feel loved. Considering the person who had said those words was someone who originally wanted to keep their relationship secret, he really did feel Itachi had come a long way.

"Itachi?" He called out to his partner. "You know I'm proud of you, right?"

"What for?"

"I just am, yeah."

"He has a point," Sasuke spoke up. "You've handled everything pretty well lately."

"Running off without telling anyone and threatening to throw out the only person who loves me is 'handling it well'?" Itachi commented, but his tone was amused.

"I think you're forgetting someone," Sasuke told him firmly. He didn't need to elaborate, earning himself a quick flick on the forehead for his comment.

"You don't give yourself enough credit," Deidara told him once they were heading up the garden path of their shared home, having dropped Sasuke back home on the way. "You're trying, Itachi. That's the most important thing, yeah. Even if it doesn't work out right all the time, it's a start."

"Deidara?"

"What?"

Itachi closed the front door they were standing by before giving his partner a mildly pleading look. "How about we stop talking about me and start doing something with us?"

Deidara's lips curled into a coy smile. "I get it," he murmured, grabbing Itachi's hand and pulling him closer. "Like this?"

The kiss they shared felt nothing like any they'd ever felt before- to Itachi, it felt like the closing of a darker chapter in his life as well as the opening of a new book. It was an incredible feeling and he melted into it, finding himself up against the wall as the feeling left him weak at the knees.

He quickly shed his coat, barely able to part from Deidara to do so, quickly kissing him once more when the garment was on the floor- then again and again, frantic and urgent. Deidara sensed the aura he was projecting, helping the pile of clothing grow larger before taking his partner by the hand once more.

Once they were at the bedroom door, Itachi halted and shook his head.

"I was thinking that perhaps there are more interesting places than the bed," he whispered coyly into Deidara's ear.

And so it was with those words they found themselves underneath the Christmas tree, as close as they could get to it without banging their heads against stray ornaments on the scratchy branches. Deidara pushed a lock of Itachi's loose hair to the side as he lay over him, arms either side supporting the weight of his lithe body.

"You," he murmured before lowering himself into another kiss. "You are perfect, yeah. Look at you."

"Shush," Itachi murmured. "Don't call me that anymore."

"Alright," Deidara nodded. "I'm not going to call you imperfect though- looking at you right now, I can see that isn't true."

"Why call me either?" Itachi remarked softly, reaching up to cup a gentle hand to Deidara's face before bringing his lips in for another kiss. "I'm Uchiha Itachi," he murmured in Deidara's ear once they parted. "That's all."


	15. Almost

"Hey, Itachi?"

Itachi, who had been in a world of his own, turned to Deidara curiously. "What is it?"

"I want to test something."

"Oh?"

Itachi was wary of that idea. Deidara was never one to be trusted, especially with such words. They were out in the local town at Deidara's request, wishing to spend an afternoon together seeing a movie and browsing the local shops. Things 'normal' people their age did, he had said. Itachi had been quick to remind him neither of them were normal, but he'd driven them anyway.

"You've been much better lately," Deidara continued. "With the perfection thing and all. But you know- I'm not convinced you're _better_ , yeah."

"Of course I'm not," Itachi replied with a frown. "I can't erase something I've been doing for a long time quickly."

"You promised me you'd see a doctor."

Itachi faltered, turning his attention back to the window display he had been looking at. "I did?" He replied lamely, knowing full well that he had done.

"Don't give me that, yeah. I'm sure it would really help you if you did."

"I can manage," Itachi protested lightly. "Honestly, I can."

"Okay," Deidara replied slowly. "Your first class at college tomorrow. I want you to leave and come and find me- I'll be in the library since I'm free tomorrow morning, yeah."

"Sure," Itachi agreed without missing a beat, despite his mind screaming 'no!' at him.

"Good. Then we're going to skip for the day. That's alright?"

"Mm," Itachi nodded once more. The voice in his mind was steadily getting louder, yet he still ignored it.

Deidara beamed at him. "I'm glad. When we've successfully skipped, do you know what we're going to do?"

"I'm sure you're about to tell me, right?"

"We're going to do something artistic," Deidara nodded. "I'm glad that's settled. Can we go to the art shop now? I need some new brushes."

Itachi followed wordlessly, wondering what exactly had gone wrong in the last minute that had led him to agreeing to something he really, _really_ did not want to do. He could try to argue that it would hurt him academically, but Deidara would laugh in his face.

Realistically, the only thing bothering him about the plan was that it involved being seen as imperfect. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he needed to rid himself of such ways of thinking- especially when they were planning on leaving the college within the next month. His studies were effectively worthless, but he still wanted to do them. Doing anything less felt like failure.

"Itachi?"

He snapped out of his thoughts, turning back to Deidara. His partner was looking awfully smug- like he expected Itachi to back out, proving he did need the doctor's visit for a little help. Steeling himself, he met his eye calmly and indifferently.

"Brushes, was it?" He asked, keeping his voice neutral.

Deidara grinned. "That's the one."

-.-.-

At ten to nine the following morning, Itachi was left with a dilemma. So far he had come up with three options- go to class and ignore Deidara, which he wasn't fond of. Go to class and leave, which he also wasn't fond of.

Hidden option number three seemed more and more appealing- hide until about half past nine, then find Deidara and _pretend_ he had left his class. It was ingenious, and he felt a little proud of himself for thinking it.

"Itachi."

He turned to the call, seeing Sasuke approaching him with what looked like a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"I had a chat with Deidara last night."

Itachi kept his cool, raising an eyebrow in question. "Oh?"

"He tells me you're supposed to be executing a _plan_ today."

Mentally, Itachi cursed that Deidara and Sasuke were getting on well enough to not only hold a civil conversation, but to now gang up on him.

"I see," he murmured.

"So I'm here to walk you to class," Sasuke concluded.

"I'm twenty two- don't you think I'm past the stage of needing an escort?" Itachi tried, but Sasuke simply grabbed his arm and dragged him down the hall without another word.

"A certain kid has been very good with me the past week," Sasuke remarked conversationally. "He looks almost _frightened_ of me. What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do a thing," Itachi lied right away.

"Right. You hit him, didn't you?"

"No."

"Threatened him?"

"I did nothing, Sasuke."

"Lying is an imperfection."

Itachi laughed slightly at that. "I don't care about that anymore, remember?"

It was Sasuke's turn to laugh. "You and I both know it isn't that easy. Which room is your class?"

"I can't remember," Itachi remarked with a hint of a smile on his face. Sasuke glared at him and simply wrenched his brother's bag from his shoulder, pulling out the schedule instead to find the answer.

"I'll see you later," he remarked sweetly as he pulled open the correct door a minute later, physically pushing Itachi inside and closing the door. The teacher gave him a nod of hello, leaving Itachi to take his seat and sigh heavily. Perhaps he really did need that doctor's visit after all.

As expected of himself, he stayed the full lesson. He _did not_ leave lessons. He'd hated doing it the two times he had done so, and he didn't plan to make a habit of it. Of course, that meant he was going to suffer Deidara's wrath, leaving him to practically throw his stuff in his bag and walk as fast as he could without being accused of running in the halls towards the library.

Deidara was seated near the door, looking unimpressed when Itachi fell through the door to greet him.

"You didn't leave," he stated flatly.

"I'm here now, right?" Itachi replied, trying to cover his indiscretion.

"That's not the point, yeah. Strike one."

"Strike... one?" Itachi echoed slowly.

"Three strikes," Deidara replied, holding three fingers up to emphasise. "This week, you get three chances. If you screw up three times, you have to see the doctor. Give me your schedule."

Itachi handed it over without complaint, knowing from Sasuke's example it would be wrenched from him otherwise.

"Your next class is after morning break," Deidara replied, handing it back. "We'll try this again then, yeah. Did you happen to bump into Sasuke at all?"

"I did. What a co-incidence."

Deidara gave him a saccharine smile, standing and gathering his things. "I have a class now," he remarked. "But I'm free when you have your lesson, so we're going to do the same thing again, yeah. See you then."

He brushed past Itachi, one hand clasping his hand gently and discreetly as he went. Itachi smiled a little at the hidden contact, taking the seat his partner had just vacated.

He _had_ to leave the lesson as instructed, else he'd get another strike against his name. He almost laughed at the whole childish concept, but something about it made him feel quite sombre. It was Deidara's way of saying that he cared, and that he wanted to see Itachi overcome the thing plaguing him.

Deidara was trying to set him free. Itachi couldn't help but feel humbled at the thought, unable to concentrate on doing any work as he attempted to come up with a way to force himself to do as asked. Did it matter if he left the class for a subject he was planning on dropping, and showing imperfections to people he would probably never see again soon?

He exhaled, feeling melancholy at his mind's reply. The answer was still yes, even after all this time. The thought sobered him further, leaving him staring the blank piece of paper in front of him instead of studying right up until the bell chimed distantly from the hall, signalling mid morning break.

He stayed where he was, seeing no reason to move. It was only fifteen minutes and he had nothing better to do with his time, after all. He and Deidara rarely managed to get together for it, since they would spend most of it looking for one another if they did.

He glanced up a couple of minutes later as someone placed a paper cup of coffee in front of him, seeing Sasuke seat himself opposite.

"You're still here," he remarked.

"I am," Itachi replied bleakly. "Thanks."

"I really dislike so much prolonged contact with Deidara," Sasuke told him firmly. "But I received a text from him in some kind of butchered version of the English language that I need you to translate."

He held his phone out to emphasise, subjecting Itachi to the message. Itachi had to laugh, wondering where on earth his boyfriend's usual reasonably articulate manner disappeared to when confronted with a mobile phone. He had demanded Itachi turn the predictive texting function off, leaving him to type as he saw fit. As a result, the text read 'he ddnt lve gt rdy 2 try agn aftr brk'.

"What in the _hell_ does it say?" Sasuke asked.

"Summed up, it says you're seventeen and you should understand how to read text talk," Itachi smirked.

"I have no desire to learn such a useless function. What does it say, Itachi?"

"It says I failed to leave and you need to once again escort me to class like a five year old," Itachi remarked bitterly, pushing the phone and offending semi-words away. "You don't have to, Sasuke. I don't need a babysitter, especially not my little brother."

"You know we're doing it because we care?" Sasuke replied after a moment's contemplation. "You could get out of this right now if you just made the doctor's appointment."

"I don't need it. Besides, I'd have no idea what to say."

"Then take one of us with you. We can talk for you."

"No."

Sasuke got up and left without another word, leaving Itachi feeling like he'd done or said something terribly wrong. He eyed the coffee in front of him, putting one hand to the side of it experimentally. It had cooled slightly- Sasuke had clearly picked it up earlier so it would be drinkable before the break was over. He smiled to himself, hiding it behind the paper cup. He was lucky to have people who cared so much, he knew that.

He paused mid-sip, the smile turning into a knowing smirk. If he couldn't ask to leave the class without reason, then he would have to simply _give_ himself a reason.

He took the coffee with him to the class- perfectly acceptable, considering they were tutored as young adults and treated as such. It didn't surprise him that Sasuke was leaning against the wall outside the room- he'd probably made a mental note of the room number when he'd had Itachi's schedule earlier, just in case.

Itachi regarded him with a single nod before entering the room, not liking the disappointed look he had been given in response. Setting the cup down, he set a hand to the side of it periodically until it was cool. Testing it with a sip, he hesitated for a moment before he 'accidently' dropped it on himself.

Trading one imperfection for another- at least this one could be construed as an accident, he mused as he studied his soaked shirt and jeans. The teacher cast one glance to him with an amused eyebrow raised, chuckling to himself.

"It's rare to see you so clumsy," he noted, opening the draw on his desk and pulling out a wrapped stack of paper towels. "Here."

Itachi took them and cleaned the floor up, ignoring the stares of other students. Deep down he knew that in reality, this was probably worse than making up excuses and leaving. He pushed it aside, concentrating on the coffee-covered floor instead.

Once he had cleaned up, he got permission to go home and change, neatly sliding his bag over his shoulder and making a hasty exit. He made his way to the library, feeling rather like an idiot but _free_. Pushing open the door, he locked eyes with Deidara, eyes narrowed in annoyance at his current state. His partner took one look at him and attempted to smother his laughter, earning glares from other people studying in the area.

Itachi glared at him and stepped back outside, scowling to himself. Why did all the ideas he came up with always make things _worse_ for himself?

"What happened to you?" Deidara asked, still laughing as he joined Itachi's side. "Or don't I want to ask?"

"Coffee," Itachi told him firmly. "We're going home."

"Of course we are," Deidara replied smoothly. "We're skipping, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Itachi replied flatly. "What did you have planned?"

"Art," Deidara replied easily. "You just need to drive- let me handle the rest."

-.-.-

After one quick divert home, Itachi found himself following his rarely used sat nav to a location Deidara had entered. He had made no indication regarding where it was, what it was, or indeed any details at all beyond 'just drive, yeah'.

Itachi, who was getting rather fed up with being told what to do, lamented that the model of sat nav he had been given as a gift by his father didn't show how long the projected journey would take. Deidara had just told him to keep his eye on the road and stop worrying, looking far too excited about something.

Of course he was, Itachi reasoned. It was something artistic, which was the only detail he knew.

He recognised the roads he was driving through, frowning in confusion as the sat nav told him to head to the seafront of the small seaside town he had retreated to many times before. He hadn't been allowed to see what Deidara had put in, being left only to follow the instructions.

"You have arrived."

Itachi glanced at the sat nav, the pleasant female voice that had narrated him to where he was taking him by surprise.

"Here?" He asked, turning to Deidara.

"Park the car, yeah."

Itachi did as requested, confused as Deidara took him by the hand and led him down onto the sandy beach. The weather had been more pleasant, leaving the sand dry as Itachi tentatively put one foot to it. Deidara bounded across it without caution, earning a grimace from his partner.

"My car is going to get covered in sand," he weakly protested.

"I'll vacuum it. Come on!"

"What about my shoes?" Itachi muttered, finally stepping onto the sand lightly to minimise the damage. He hadn't minded having to get covered in sand when Sasuke and he were younger, but now he was a grown adult. Sand was now banished from his life, along with crayons, silly string and dressing up in stupid clothes.

"I put something in the back of the car," Deidara told him, holding his hand out for the keys. "Stay here."

"Do I have to?" Itachi asked, finding himself ignored while Deidara jogged away across the sand. It left Itachi to glance around, the sound of arcade jingles emanating around him as he tried to work out what Deidara had planned. All that surrounded him as an expanse of sand, sea and pebbles. He assumed Deidara had a sketchbook in the car, because nothing else made sense. He tried to think anyway, knowing nothing was ever that straightforward with his boyfriend.

By the time Deidara returned and handed him a stick that looked as though it might have been taken from the tree in his front garden, Itachi was still thoroughly confused. The stick wasn't helping matters.

"Draw," was all Deidara told him, putting his own stick to the sandy floor and taking off in a run, drawing a line in the sand as he went. Itachi watched him, feeling awkward as he set his own stick to the floor and drew a tentative circle.

Deidara had stopped running, drawing something in the sand with flare Itachi loved to see. Every movement he made was graceful as he carved lines, shapes and everything in-between into the sandy canvas, stepping aside every now and then as his image grew larger.

Itachi looked back down at his own single circle, feeling rather stupid. Deidara wanted him to express himself, but he had absolutely no idea _how_. Art wasn't his forte, and neither was general expression.

He followed the line Deidara had drawn to his partner, earning a glance as the artist halted in his art to look at him.

"What are you expecting from me?" Itachi asked.

"Just draw what comes to mind," Deidara suggested. "You have thirty seconds to start before I throw you in the sea, yeah."

He would do it, too. Itachi hurriedly jogged away, setting the stick down as he did so and following Deidara's example, letting it drag in the sand as he picked up the pace a little. He eventually swung it around in front of him, jumping over the line he had drawn in his way and stopping, allowing the line to become a crude 'v' to signify a bird.

It still just looked like a line in the sand to him, despite his mind knowing what it was supposed to be. He set the stick down again a few paces away, writing his own name instead. He stared at it for a moment before crossing a line through it with a short laugh, throwing the stick down and sitting on the sand with no regard for how much he would complain later about it getting everywhere.

He wasn't an artist. No matter how much Deidara wanted him to be, or maybe even expected him to be, he wasn't and that wasn't going to change any time soon.

He picked up the stick again, lightly stabbing at the sand to his side and carving out a rough heart shape. Once again he crossed a line through it, feeling ridiculous. Next to it, he attempted another line bird, glancing up as a shadow fell over him.

"I have no idea what you want me to do," he snapped at Deidara, who settled himself down next to him wordlessly.

"Who says I was expecting anything at all?" Deidara replied softly, taking the stick from him and clasping his hand. "I wanted to come, yeah. I just wanted you with me and I thought you'd enjoy the freedom."

Itachi narrowed his eyes curiously. "Really?"

"I know you're not an artist," Deidara shrugged. "And I know you've had a tough time lately and could do with a break. This way, I get to do something artistic and you get some time to relax, yeah. I was hoping you might release some of that tension by drawing, but I guess I can't have everything."

Itachi suddenly felt rather stupid. "Oh," he murmured.

"I did want you to do all that stuff this morning though," Deidara continued. "I appreciate your efforts, but I still think you need to see the doctor. If throwing coffee down yourself is preferable to any other option to leave a class that isn't even mandatory, you have issues."

Itachi laughed at that, a sad smile on his face as he set one finger to the sand. "I know I have issues," he remarked. "That's been the theme of the last few months, right?"

"Sasuke came to me a couple of days ago when I was in the library," Deidara said quietly, peaking Itachi's attention. "He had some stuff printed out about other people with perfection complexes and how they dealt with them. That kid loves you, Itachi. He wants to see you get better."

Itachi felt a little ashamed, idly drawing patterns in the sand with his finger and not meeting Deidara's eye.

"One of the things that came up a lot was cognitive behaviour therapy," Deidara continued. "It sounds like it would really help you, yeah. You just need to speak to your doctor and get a referral."

"So what you're both saying is, despite my efforts, you still think I'm crazy and need help?" Itachi summed up bluntly.

"You aren't crazy," Deidara corrected. "If you are, then so am I, so is Sasuke and so is the rest of the world. Just because you have a problem with something doesn't mean you're crazy."

He stilled Itachi's drawing hand, pulling it away and indicating the patterns. There was no order to them, mostly just lines and shapes, but Deidara seemed impressed regardless.

"You can express yourself," he pointed out. "You don't even realise you're doing it, yeah. You're confused- everything's all muddled up in your mind." He pointed to the heart and Itachi's name, both with strikes through. "You aren't happy with who you are right now, even after all progress you've made. You're not perfect enough, you're not _imperfect_ enough, you're not this, that, whatever."

"I'll make an appointment," Itachi agreed lowly. "Thank you."

"Your brother owes me," Deidara laughed, getting up and putting a hand on Itachi's shoulder. "Relax, yeah."

With that he jogged off across the sand, heading back to his original piece of art in the sand. Itachi watched him go with rapidly blurring eyes, not daring to put his sand covered fingers near them to clear them. Instead he brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, turning to face the sea instead. As always, he sought comfort in the crashing waves and light spray that splashed him occasionally.

He wanted to be Uchiha Itachi, free of complexes and truly happy with life. While everything was beginning to slot into place now, he didn't feel he had quite reached where he wanted to be. He finally rose to a stand, walking to the water's edge and picking up a stone. Fingering it within his hands for a moment, he threw it across the water and watched it skip a few times before finally being swallowed by the vast expanse of blue.

Well, he told himself. That was going to change. He was going to become Uchiha Itachi- partner of Deidara, brother of Sasuke, and his own, unique self.


	16. The Last Hurdle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a SasuNaru mention here. Not worth tagging for, but not worth ignoring!

"I'm not doing it."

"You are," Sasuke replied firmly, grabbing his brother's arm and forcefully throwing him through the door Deidara was holding open. The scent of sterility hit them, reminding Itachi once more of where he was and _why_.

He was at the doctor with both Sasuke and Deidara in tow, both mutely agreeing to attend and support Itachi. Itachi had told them both on no uncertain terms that he was going in to the doctor alone, and that he had absolutely no intentions of speaking a word if either of them dared to follow him.

He found himself led through to a seat in the waiting room, a magazine thrust into his hand as Sasuke stood above him with folded arms. Deidara was talking lowly with the receptionist, booking Itachi in.

"Read that, shut up and don't ask the time," Sasuke told him firmly. As usual with doctor's surgeries, there was no clock on the wall- such places never ran on time, after all, and without a clock people might not notice.

Itachi would notice. That was precisely why he had been told not to ask, and he knew it. Restraining the part of him that wanted to sulk, he flicked the magazine open and pretended to be interested as Deidara joined his side.

"Remember, tell him everything," Deidara urged quietly. "Don't miss things out, yeah. He can't help you if you don't tell him exactly what you feel."

"Deidara," Itachi murmured, not looking up from his magazine. "I mean this in the nicest possible way, but please shut the hell up."

Sasuke and Deidara exchanged a glance, but said nothing.

"Don't look at me like that," Itachi continued, still keeping his eyes on the pages as he flicked them over without reading them. "Sasuke, is there any particular reason you gave me a woman's fashion magazine to read?"

Sasuke snatched it from him, flicking through the pile in search of something more interesting. He found an art magazine, tossing it to Deidara. Deidara's face lit up and he absorbed himself in it quickly, leaving Sasuke to hand Itachi a nature magazine instead.

"I'm not that boring, surely?" Itachi sighed, taking it anyway.

"It's not like there's a huge selection to choose from!" Sasuke replied sharply, turning his attention to a corkboard of leaflets and information above them instead. Itachi knew he was fishing for something to keep him distracted, and that his snappy demeanour was born of worry.

"I'll be fine," he said quietly. "It's not like there's something seriously wrong with me, right?"

Sasuke didn't respond, but he did seem to relax a little. Satisfied, Itachi abandoned his own magazine in favour of glancing over Deidara's shoulder. The man was reading an article that reviewed acrylic paints- Itachi thought it was rather meaningless, as he was certain Deidara probably owned acrylic paints from every single manufacturer reviewed on the pages. The supplies flowing from cubby holes and drawers in his home said as much, anyway.

The digital display on the wall beeped, the red LCD displaying a person's name and which room they were to head into. A lady sitting nearby heeded it, stepping through the door into a corridor that led to the doctor's rooms.

Itachi did _not_ want to think about this visit. Every time he did he felt his pulse quicken and his mind race, nervous of discussing something he had come to feel ashamed of. What if the doctor told him he was being stupid? What if he said there was nothing he could do? Regardless the visit would be logged onto his medical file, and he couldn't shake the feeling the doctor was going to brush him aside.

He could see it now. The doctor would record his visit, laughing as he did so. _'Visited on Friday morning- the weather was cloudy and threatening rain. Itachi presented a ridiculous notion that there is something wrong with being an extreme perfectionist and suggested I actually cure him! What nonsense! I sent him on his way with a pat on the head and a lollipop, making sure he knows not to waste my time in future.'_

He had to resist laughing out loud, wondering why his eyes were burning. If either of his companions noticed his surreptitious hand movement to them neither said so, both seemingly fascinated by their respective media mediums.

"Anything interesting?" He asked Sasuke, wishing to distract himself.

"Not really," Sasuke replied. "I think I now know more about swine flu and STDs than I ever needed to, though."

"It's always best to be well informed," Itachi retorted. "Who knows when that information will come in handy."

"Since I'm not planning on picking up any STDs any time soon, can I assume you want me to give _you_ that information?" Sasuke responded smoothly, stunning Itachi into silence.

"You cheeky brat," he finally replied. "Stop looking at that stuff anyway- you're still ten years old in my head, you're too young for that kind of knowledge."

"I've screwed more people than you have," Sasuke replied breezily, smirking at his brother's widened eyes.

"How many of those people were female?" Deidara interjected, showing he was listening to the conversation. "Since the only person I've ever seen you with is that blond guy- Naruto, is it?"

Sasuke was the one stunned into silence now, glaring at Deidara sharply. "Very funny," he snapped. "It was a joke, anyway."

They were interrupted by the beep of the LCD display once more, this time displaying Itachi's name. He stared at it for a few long moments before he felt Deidara's hand on his back, gently pushing him to a stand.

"Good luck," he whispered.

Itachi nodded and weaved his way through the other seated patients and chairs to the door, disappearing into it and leaving Deidara and Sasuke alone.

"What _is_ going on with you guys anyway?" Deidara pushed. "You hang around as much as Itachi and I do only you claim you aren't in a relationship with him."

Sasuke threw Itachi's abandoned magazine at him and stalked out of the door, leaving Deidara to snicker behind his hand and ignore the glances of the other people in the room.

"Sasuke," he called, getting up to chase him. "Come on, we need to wait for your brother, yeah."

"Stop being a jackass then," Sasuke hissed at him.

"You get awfully touchy at the subject of Naruto," Deidara told him, looking amused. "If you didn't then perhaps I wouldn't tease so much, yeah."

"Fine," Sasuke replied curtly. "He's a nice guy and he gives _fantastic_ head. Are you glad you asked now?"

He stalked back inside, leaving Deidara to stare at his stunned back before swiftly following. He seated himself back next to Sasuke, who promptly moved two seats away and folded his arms, sulking with guilty reddened cheeks.

Deidara grinned at that. Oh, how he knew that look. He'd seen it on Itachi quite a number of times before.

Time seemed to crawl by for them both. With no clock and mobile phones switched off thanks to the sign on the wall, they had no way of knowing how long had actually passed. Both of them, though they didn't say it to the other, figured that a lengthy visit was better than a quick one as it indicated Itachi was actually _talking_.

What felt like an hour later, but was in reality twenty minutes, both of them glanced up as Itachi reappeared in the doorway. Immediately they stood and went to him, noticing that he was leaning against the frame as though he might fall as well as blinking rapidly in a manner that suggested he was either going to pass out or cry. He held a green slip of paper in his hand, signalling he'd been given a prescription for something. It was shaking, leaving Sasuke to take control.

"Give him your keys," he demanded, indicating Deidara. Itachi fished them out almost on autopilot, allowing Sasuke to take his arm and drag him back the way he had just come. Deidara watched them go, getting the hint and going to wait in the car. As much as he wanted to follow, he trusted Sasuke's judgement when it came to his beloved elder sibling.

"Here," Sasuke told Itachi sharply, bodily shoving him into the bathroom and closing the door behind them. Once inside, he snatched the paper from his sibling's hand and studied it, leaving Itachi to cover his face and sink to his knees.

"Diazepam?" Sasuke read out loud. "That's an anti anxiety med. Itachi, that's _good_! That's going to help you!"

He didn't get a response from Itachi, who was staring at the floor visibly shaking.

"What's _wrong_ for heaven's sake?" Sasuke hissed at him. "Don't you realise how good this is?"

"Of course I do!" Itachi hissed back, glaring up at him with wide eyes that Sasuke realised were _stunned_ , not saddened. "Sasuke- he _listened_! He actually _listened_ , he-"

He cut himself off, returning his face to his hands and shaking his head in disbelief.

"Of course he listened," Sasuke sighed, leaning back against the door. "It wasn't healthy, and I'm sure he knows that."

"Sasuke," Itachi murmured, glancing up at his brother. "Be quiet."

Sasuke obeyed. It was rare for his brother to demand much at all, let alone in such a manner. Instead of replying, Sasuke opened the door and left him alone, taking the green slip with him as he headed for the car.

Deidara was sitting in the front seat with a book in his hands, sketching. Sasuke glared at him, realising his shotgun had been revoked as he clambered into the back seat.

"Where is he?" Deidara asked, glancing up from sketching.

"Incapacitated. I think he just realised that he _can_ be helped," Sasuke replied quietly. "And I don't think he realised just how relieved that was going to make him. The doctor gave him diazepam."

Deidara stared at him blankly. "What?"

"For anxiety," Sasuke clarified as though Deidara was an idiot for not automatically knowing.

"Shouldn't you be with him still? He looked upset."

"He's fine," Sasuke responded airily. "He'll be back soon."

He realised with a start that his bag was open- Itachi was going to be dropping him at college after the appointment, so he had brought it with him. He glanced inside, noticing one of his textbooks was missing.

"What are you drawing on?" He asked slowly, an idea dawning on him in horror.

"A book, yeah."

"What kind of book?"

"A textbook."

" _My_ textbook?" Sasuke growled, leaning over his shoulder to see Deidara was, indeed, sketching doodles onto his book. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

"Livening it up!" Deidara argued as Sasuke tried to snatch it from him. "I forgot my sketchbook, yeah. You're studying _chemistry_ \- your textbooks are all boring!"

"You moron! Give it back!"

Deidara handed it back with a huff of disappointment.

"Do you have any idea how expensive this book was?" Sasuke snapped at him, glaring at the doodle of a cat on the page in front of him.

"It's in pencil," Deidara sulked. "You can just erase it later, yeah."

"That isn't the _point_. Maybe _you_ should be the one seeing the doctor- you're a nutcase."

When Itachi returned five minutes or so later, he showed no trace of his earlier mood. Calmly, he slipped into the driver's seat and held a hand over his shoulder wordlessly for the prescription.

"We're going to divert and get this now," he explained as Sasuke handed it over.

"What did you tell him?" Deidara finally asked quietly as Itachi drove away.

Itachi hesitated for a moment, looking contemplative. "He told me I had every right to be worried about my behaviour," he replied, sounding bemused at the observation. "He referred me for cognitive behaviour therapy, which should commence reasonably soon considering the severity of my actions to now."

"Are you glad you did it now?" Deidara continued, sounding almost as though he was afraid of the answer.

"Yes," Itachi replied definitely. "Thank you both. I wouldn't normally advocate you skipping any more of college Sasuke, but would you like to join us for lunch? I'll take you both, my treat."

"Together?" Sasuke asked, sounding dismayed. "Itachi, I've already suffered enough of _his_ company, don't you think?"

"You think I want to be anywhere near you?" Deidara countered.

"You're _both_ going to come and you're _both_ going to enjoy it," Itachi warned, speaking over them. "Any preferences?"

"I found out Sasuke's preferences earlier," Deidara snickered, earning a sidelong curious glare from Itachi.

"Deidara!" Sasuke hollered, his voice bordering shrill. "Don't!"

"It seems a preference for blonds runs in your family," Deidara continued with an ever-growing smirk. "Since I am informed that a certain blond named Naruto apparently, and I quote- owow _fucking ow Sasuke let go_!"

Sasuke, who had grabbed Deidara's half ponytail and was pulling with enough force to tilt his head completely back, completely ignored him.

"Your little brother's not as innocent as you think!" Deidara finally squeaked, freeing himself from Sasuke's grasp. "Asshole," he snapped. "You deserve it, yeah. I did _nothing_ to antagonise you, but you've always hated me for no good reason!"

"I have plenty of reasons!" Sasuke protested sharply, cheeks burning. Itachi, who had said nothing, simply raised an eyebrow and kept his attention on the road. "You give me new ones every time we meet, in fact."

"By speaking the truth?" Deidara replied smoothly.

"You know what- just get out the car right now and go play in the traffic, would you? I've never met anyone as _infuriating_ as you, Blondie."

"Likewise, Uchiha. I have your mobile phone, by the way. I've never seen an iPhone before and I was interested, yeah."

Sasuke froze, eyes widening as Deidara pulled his iPhone from his pocket and navigated easily to the messages. His eyes fell on his open bag, leaving him speechless as he realised it was indeed missing.

"I love the feature of this phone that allows you to read messages as one conversation," Deidara continued casually. "And I particularly liked this discussion, yeah."

"Don't!"

"Message from Naruto: 'Thank you for an amazing time last night!'. Reply from Sasuke: 'No problem'."

"See, it's fine," Sasuke interjected hurriedly, holding a hand out. "Give it back."

"Message from Naruto: 'Where did you learn how to do that? You're going to have to show me so I can return the favour'. Naruto's added a charming little wink on the end of that, Sasuke!"

"You asshole! _Stop it_!" Sasuke cried, attempting to lean over the seat and snatch the phone from the artist's hand.

"Reply from Sasuke!" Deidara continued anyway as he shoved Sasuke away with one hand. "'I'm glad you enjoyed it. Just Google 'finding the male G spot' and it's on the first page'. Sasuke, _you_ added a wink this time! You guys are so _cute_ , yeah."

Itachi tried very, very hard to pretend the conversation wasn't happening. The slight pink tinge of his cheeks gave him away however, snatching the phone and throwing it into the back to save both Sasuke's pride and his own sanity.

Sasuke sat back in his seat, folding his arms and sulking. "Jerk," he snapped again. Deidara gave him a serene smile in the side view mirror, which Sasuke promptly returned in the form of a rude hand gesture.

"You know Sasuke, I'm a little hurt," Itachi remarked, but the smirk on his lips said he really wasn't hurt at all. "I told you about _my_ feelings for my best friend- what made you feel you couldn't share yours?"

"It's because Sasuke likes to pretend he doesn't like people that aren't you," Deidara replied with a snicker.

"It's private!" Sasuke snapped, his tone suggesting the conversation be dropped right away.

"As I was asking," Itachi finally spoke once more, allowing his brother some peace. "Did either of you have any preferences on where we eat lunch?"

"Whatever kind of food _he_ hates."

Sasuke and Deidara had echoed the same sentiment, earning soft laughter from Itachi. Things were definitely going to improve in life, and if all he had to complain about was his brother and his boyfriend's inability to get along, then so be it.

-.-.-

It had been a long day- lunch had become lunch, a movie, shopping, another movie and finally dinner before Sasuke had begrudgingly agreed that it was time to go home. For all their bickering Deidara and Sasuke had got along civilly, though Itachi knew they would and that the distractions they had both presented him with were all designed to get his mind off the morning's events.

Itachi had let Sasuke skip the day without complaint too. He had been oddly attached to Itachi anyway, which the elder Uchiha had found rather sweet. However, now he and Deidara were alone, he had a plan to put into action. His boyfriend and brother weren't the only ones with tricks up their sleeves.

"We need to pick a few things up from the supermarket," he remarked as he turned into the store car park, answering Deidara's confused glance. "You can wait in the car, I won't be long."

Deidara didn't seem too worried, leaving Itachi to head inside with a tiny grin on his face. They didn't need a thing but since Deidara's idea of cooking was usually awful, it was a job Itachi did most of the time, so he was often the one that prompted the supermarket trips. For all his mishaps in the kitchen, Deidara was able to make a perfect cinnamon cake following Sasuke's recipe. It left Itachi to wonder if he bought him a recipe book if it would have the same effect, allowing him to cook wonderful meals thus freeing Itachi from the job of having to rescue him when he burned things.

He grabbed a few quick essentials to cover the real item he had come in for, going through the self service checkout to avoid the evening queues before heading back to the car. He put the bags in the boot where Deidara couldn't see, slipping back into the car and trying not to look too satisfied.

"What are you drawing on?" He asked with a sigh, realising Deidara had a piece of unfamiliar paper in his hands.

"I took it from Sasuke's bag earlier," Deidara replied airily, as though taking people's notes to draw spaceships and stars on was perfectly alright.

"He's going to kill you," Itachi warned him before letting the subject drop. There was absolutely no point in trying to argue with either of them anymore.

Once they arrived home Itachi was quick to jump out and grab the bags, leaving the one he wanted hidden where it was before slamming the boot shut and heading up the path with Deidara. He let the other open the door, thrusting the bags in his direction.

"Put those away and put the kettle on," he requested. Deidara looked like he was about to protest, but Itachi held a hand up to quell the argument. "Just do it would you? I'm always the one to do it, so go make yourself useful."

Deidara headed off without complaint, taking the bags with him. Itachi waited for him to vanish into the living room before running back down the path and retrieving the last bag, heading back inside to the bedroom with it and hoping Deidara wouldn't come looking for him.

He was in luck. Clad only in his dark dressing gown, he pulled his hair free of its tie and grabbed the bag, heading through to the kitchen. Deidara turned to face him and stopped, eyes widening slightly.

"I have a suggestion," Itachi told him, his smooth voice layered with seduction.

"And what would that be?" Deidara asked, the boiling kettle forgotten as he focused all his attention on his partner.

Itachi reached into the bag and pulled out a jar of chocolate spread. "Art," he said simply.

Deidara's eyes lit up. "You are creative after all," he purred, approaching Itachi with a grin on his lips. "Who knew you had a hidden artist in you after all? Interesting choice of medium, yeah."

"I had a more interesting choice of _canvas_ in mind," Itachi replied lowly, slipping one shoulder free of the gown slowly to put his point across.

Deidara didn't need telling twice. He grabbed Itachi and pulled him through to the bedroom, practically throwing him into the bed and leaning above him, lithe arms supporting his weight as he leant over Itachi and kissed him.

"Do you like chocolate?" Itachi whispered into Deidara's ear.

"Even if I didn't I would have developed a sudden taste for it," Deidara replied, lowering his lips to his partner's neck and gently tugging on the gown. The material slipped open easily, exposing Itachi as it did so. "When did you plan this?" He breathed as he trailed a line of kisses down Itachi's naked chest.

"I don't know," Itachi replied. "Earlier. It just occurred to me, and I decided to just run with it."

"We should take you to the doctor more often," Deidara approved. "Itachi?"

"Mm?"

"You know I love you, right?"

Itachi gave him a smile, lustful eyes softening slightly to give way to a sentimental gaze. "I know. I love you too. Now come on- get drawing."

"I don't have a paintbrush, yeah."

Itachi smirked, shaking his head slowly. "I don't think you're being very creative," he argued lightly. "I'm surprised at you."

"Are you going to give me free reign of the entire canvas?" Deidara asked, a grin on his lips as he trailed his hands down Itachi's sides, stopping on his hips.

"I think I can allow that," Itachi agreed, putting his hand behind his partner's head and bringing it forward to lock their lips together. He brushed his tongue against Deidara's lips, begging access that was given without protest.

"You aren't painting," he reminded gently once they broke apart. "I didn't think you'd need telling again."

Deidara certainly didn't need to be told any more, reaching for the purple lidded jar without complaint. "Alright then," he murmured as he opened it up. "I'm going to show you what a good artist I can be."

"Please do," Itachi murmured in response. "I look forward to it."

For the first time in his life, Itachi was simply letting things in life run their course without intervention in a manner he had never allowed before. He was remarkably proud of himself for setting aside his usual restraints, knowing it was probably empowerment from his doctor's visit and the pills he had ready to take in his coat pocket, but that was okay. Tonight, he was going to be just Uchiha Itachi.


	17. Epilogue

"Ready for this?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Itachi wondered how he'd manage to be convinced into dressing up for their first day at their new college. He put a hand to his styled-up hair, yanking the tie out of it and restyling it into his usual low, loose ponytail. Deidara gave him a look of dismay, but didn't comment. Itachi inspected it in his rear view mirror, nodding in satisfaction before getting out of the car. The last thing he wanted was a headache, which was all the high ponytail was giving him.

Deidara had suggested they go shopping for new clothes (any excuse, Itachi had thought idly), and had promptly arranged it so they did so. Itachi's new therapist had said the trip might do him some good, too. He had only attended one session with her, but she had made it quite clear that attempting to do things that left him feeling a little uncomfortable about people's opinions of him was a good step in the right direction. 'The best way to conquer your fears is to face them' had already become a mantra in his mind, courtesy of her soothing voice.

Stanford College seemed to be much larger than the one he was used to, but that was alright- he would blend in easier. Deidara didn't seem to care about blending in, which was just as well as he stood out like red on white. A cute beret was perched on his head as he adjusted the scarf around his neck, brushing down the front of his new beige coat. Itachi had decided he was quite happy with smart shirts and jeans thank you very much- a trendy wardrobe was the least of his concerns.

That didn't stop Deidara forcing him to buy a single pair of skinny jeans however, which were currently thrown to the back of the wardrobe. Deidara was wearing his own pair proudly, giving Itachi a grin as they walked together through the college gates.

Next to his now-chic boyfriend Itachi felt quite plain in _normal_ jeans and a blue shirt, but that was exactly what he wanted. Deidara's long hair was completely loose for once, giving him the appearance of being a rather attractive female at first. Itachi knew another reason he'd done it was to ease Itachi into being open about his relationship slowly- if people thought they were a girl and a guy, they wouldn't bat an eyelid.

As it was, Deidara might have girly hair, but he definitely didn't look like a girl overall- and especially not to the more observant girls in the college.

"How _cute_ are _they_?" One murmured to her friends as they walked past, causing Deidara to spin around and give them a smile, slipping a hand around Itachi's waist.

"Taken, yeah."

They didn't wait for the reaction, walking side by side towards the unfamiliar entrance where they would have to part for their different classes. Deidara turned and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, bringing his lips close to Itachi's ear.

"You look great," he murmured.

"Look who's talking- you look incredible, Deidara."

"Save it for later," Deidara replied with a smirk, blowing him a kiss as he walked away. Itachi was left to stand in the strange hall, feeling a little lost until he retraced his own footsteps from a few days prior, when they had been treated to a tour of the college. He found his class quickly, slipping inside and approaching the teacher at her desk.

"Ah, you must be our new student," she remarked, standing and holding a hand out to him, which he took. "Uchiha Itachi?"

"That's right."

"Great- take a seat at the front here. It's a pleasure to have you- I've heard many good things about you."

Itachi hid his smirk as he sat down as requested. Had she now?

Once the class was in full swing and they were studying a map spread across the wall as a class, the new teacher turned to Itachi with a hint of pride in her eyes.

"I'd like to introduce Uchiha Itachi," he told the class. "Itachi, come up here please. Could you point out where the Seychelles are on this map?"

Itachi's eyes strayed to the right location immediately as he stood beside the large map. It had the places covered with white bits of paper, almost as though she had done it just in preparation for this little test of ability for him.

It was a simple question- one that most high school students would know the answer to if they paid attention. The teacher knew this, giving him a smile as he studied the map in apparent thought.

"I'm sorry it's so an easy question," she remarked. "But many people don't know these things, you see..."

Her voice trailed off as she followed Itachi's finger, where he was pointing confidently to a section of the map. He looked at her expectantly, not bringing his finger away.

"Ah- no," she murmured. "That's the Samoan Islands, Itachi."

"Oh, really?" Itachi asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise. "My mistake." He drew an imaginary line across the map with his finger to the real Seychelles. "This would be my second guess, then."

"That's correct. Well... Take a seat, Itachi."

The class murmured with a collective chuckle as Itachi retook his seat- laughing _with_ him for showing the teacher up, rather than _at_ him. She stood with her mouth half open, frowning at him as though she'd been told very different things about him than what he had just displayed.

Itachi simply locked eyes with her and said nothing. He had no intentions of being that student anymore- despite knowing the answer to the question, he wasn't going to let her get away with thinking the same as his last teachers. He was setting the bar for his success lower, so that even he himself felt more achieved when he did well.

He wasn't perfect Itachi anymore. He wasn't imperfect Itachi either. He was a mix of both- at least, he was trying to be, though he still struggled with it. Answering incorrectly hadn't been easy but then again, it hadn't been as hard as it once would have been either.

He was himself, Uchiha Itachi, just like he had told Deidara as they'd shared an intimate moment under the brightness of his inappropriately early Christmas tree. That was all, and that was beginning to be just fine with him.


End file.
